


Misguided Ghost

by missmarsx



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Character Turned Into a Ghost, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Visions in dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-07-01 21:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 45,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15782841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmarsx/pseuds/missmarsx
Summary: Jane Shepard has always had intense dreams, sometimes feeling too real to dismiss as a insignificant production of her imagination. They only strengthened after her vision from the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. Her dreams escalated to be more powerful and life-like afterward - foretelling even. So when she dies, Jane finds that her life doesn’t actually end there.Fed up with the bureaucracy of the Citadel, Garrus Vakarian sets to rid the galaxy of evil in his own way. When arrives on Omega, he realizes that he didn't come alone.A short story series re-telling the events starting from ME1 to ME2 and something in between.





	1. Saren's Hearing

Kaidan waited on Jane for when she was officially released from the med bay. He’d felt extreme guilt over the incident with the Prothean beacon. If he hadn’t been so damn curious to see why it was glowing, this all could’ve been avoided. Truth be told, Kaidan had always found the Commander quite attractive but couldn’t seem to pin down how she felt about him, regardless of long they’d known each other. He, Ashley, and Jane were old comrades from Alliance training back on Jump Zero and the moment he saw her, he was smitten. Though, much to his disappointment, it has been an unrequited love so far. 

His heart leapt when he saw her coming through the doors of the med bay.

"Jane! I'm glad to see you're okay.” She granted him a soft smile. “It was hard losing Jenkins. I'm glad we didn't lose you too..." he professed softly, taking a step forward. She mirrored his step by taking one back.

"Jenkins will be missed," she responded, ignoring his last comment. Jane’s been an expert in acting oblivious to Kaidan’s advances by now. It was almost second nature. However, it seemed that he’s just as oblivious of her disinterest. 

"It's just that...I was there! You did everything right and it was just bad luck how everything went down. Hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission together ends with one Spectre killing another."

"Yeah. I can only imagine how upset the Council is going to be once we debrief them."

"We’re going to the Citadel now?! I heard we were going there, but I wasn't sure. I've never been. Heard it's quite a site to see."

"I guess we'll see when we get there."

* * *

A furious fist pounded the desk causing a frightening quake. Ambassador Udina brought the team into his office on the Citadel after requesting an audience with the Council. It hadn’t exactly gone their way.

"I see you brought your whole crew with you," Udina remarked bitterly, wiping his disgust from the prior conversation off his face.

"Just the ground team from Eden Prime. In case you had any questions," Anderson replied.

The two have always had a rocky relationship. A politician never saw things the same way a military man did. It took two completely different types men to do each job. Anderson respected the atmosphere and dynamics that government relations had. Udina didn’t reciprocate that respect. Jane walked up to Anderson's side for support. Ashely and Kaidan stood back. They went to the office ledge to look over the garden, letting Jane take lead with the displeasure of dealing with an irate Ambassador Udina. 

"I have the mission report. I assume they're accurate?" he retorted in disdain. Anderson nodded. "They were not happy about it. Saren's their top agent. They don't like him being accused of treason."

Jane jumped in. "Saren's a threat to every human colony out there. He needs to be stopped. The Council has to listen to us!"

"Settle down, Commander," the Ambassador snapped. "You've already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres."

Jane felt a scintilla of defeat. The mission on Eden Prime was a chance to prove she can get the job done, but instead Nihlus ended up dead and an ancient Prothean artifact was destroyed. She knows the Council will have a hard time looking beyond that. As always, and thankfully, Captain Anderson was quick to defend her, arguing that it’s Saren's fault. Udina wouldn’t budge. He can only hope that the C-Sec investigation will turn up evidence to support their accusations. Otherwise, the Council will use it as an excuse to keep her – and maybe all humans – out of the Spectres and from earning a spot on the Council. Udina turned to Anderson.

"Come with me Captain. There are some things I want to go over with you before the hearing. Shepard – you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top level. I'll make sure you have clearance to get in."

The two men rushed out and as they did, Ashley said, "And that's why I hate politicians." 

Jane grinned, "You read my mind."

The trio decided to utilize the downtime before the hearing to venture the Citadel. Her two comrades couldn't help but to take notice of the pure juvenile exhilaration on Shepard's face as a known xenophile. The Citadel is a melting pot of species so she’s absolutely in heaven, in the presence of cultures originating from all ends of space. But the creatures on the Citadel are more intrigued by the Commander and her squad. Humans are a rarity on the space station as a relatively new species being represented in the galaxy. All other alien life forms have been around thousands of years before homo sapiens came along. 

Making their way through the wards, Jane made a sudden stop at look outside through a panoramic window that gave view to a bustling and glimmering city, traffic of hover cars zooming by. She leaned forward on the ledge, trying to record the feeling and image into her brain. Ashley and Kaidan joined her, equally in awe. A familiar feeling between the three rose while in each other's company, similar to their days during training.

"Big place," Kaidan whispered astounded.

"That your  _professional_ opinion, sir?” Ashley asked sarcastically. Jane let out a small chuckle.

"How can they keep tabs on all of this?" Jane pondered out loud. "The Presidium may as well be on another planet." 

Kaidan continued processing. "There's definitely a gap between their presentation and what's here. Tracking arrivals must be a nightmare. This is a whole 'nother scale. Look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?"

"No wonder the Council considers us outsiders. We'd be just another drop in a bucket they already can't carry," Jane added.

"They must figure us for one more gang looking for a handout," Ashley spat with venom. The Lieutenant rolled his eyes.

"I doubt it’s personal. It's got to be a balancing act, like every other government."

"But what’s not to like about us?" Shepard questioned in jest. "We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want."

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you,” Kaidan said and Ashley shot him an inquisitive look. "I mean, us. Humans. Ma'am." He turned his head away from the ladies, mortified. Jane dismissed his comment, per usual.

"Oh Lord," Ashley chuckled, shaking her head.

* * *

The elevator ride to the top of the tower is excruciatingly long, especially since they’re already running behind. Jane had gotten caught up debating with a sour Volus that was convinced that humans were selfish, destructive bullies. She  _had_ to step in, of course, to sway him, which she ultimately did. Heaven knows how. Only the shifting of their feet and horrid outdated elevator music filled the space. Jane bobbed her head in the stiff awkward silence. Ashley finally broke the dead air, nervousness sinking in.

“The Council aren’t going to ask me any questions, are they?”

“I doubt it,” Kaidan answered. “We’ve made our reports. Now we just have to trust Ambassador Udina.”

“Now we don’t, sir,” she scoffed back.

Once the doors opened, they rushed down the long corridor and up a staircase only to come to two turians blocking their path. There seemed to be a tense disagreement between the two. So intense that that they didn’t even notice the three humans waiting to get by. The frustrated light grey turian in royal blue armor gestured a pointed finger at the other’s chest. The receiver just stood there with his arms crossed, blatantly done with the conversation. 

“Saren’s hiding something! Give me more time. Stall them,” the blue armored creature petitioned.

“Stall the Council? Don’t be ridiculous! Your investigation is over, Garrus,” the previously inattentive turian finished as he stormed off, leading Garrus to finally notice the Commander and her friends.

Garrus' eyes locked with Jane's. Her glowing green gaze entranced him just as his icy cobalt stare froze her in place. Ashley and Kaidan merely observed the peculiar interaction, a pit of jealousy twisting Kaidan's stomach. Their gaze held a little too long for his liking. It was many heartbeats before any movement was made, but finally, Garrus coolly stepped forward to greet the Commander. 

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian," he introduced. He knew who she was right away. No one else in the galaxy looks quite like her. The red-haired woman is well known, rising to unprecedented infamy as a result of Akuze and now, her recent appearance on the Citadel. She exuded such an effortless confidence that most find her intimidating. No other soldier from Earth could carry themselves the way she does. It’s comforting to some, frightful to others, maybe so much so to make a Krogan quiver in their combat boots. Garrus didn’t find her threatening. On the contrary, she’s inspiring. 

"I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren."

Jane had never heard a more heart-melting soothing voice before, so pleasant to the ears. She snapped out of her distant other world space where she swooned over Garrus’ voice, but not before Ashley and Kaidan took notice. They’ve never seen their Commander behave in such a way before coming to the Citadel. 

"Sounds like you really want to bring him down," she commented.

"I don't trust him," he hissed. "Something about him rubs me the wrong way. But he's a Spectre, everything he touches is classified. I can't find any hard evidence."

Between the few sentences spoken, their eye contact never broke. Jane was so focused on his eyes, that she completely missed the marksman visor over his left eye. Top of the line equipment. With a targeting mechanism like that, he must be a hell of a shot. Before anything more could be said, Kaidan piped up.

"We should go, Commander. The Council is ready for us." 

_Shit, he’s right._ She’d forgotten how late they were. She acknowledged him with a soft nod.

"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe they'll listen to you," Garrus said hopefully. He brushed past the squad, and as he did, Jane stole a peek at the turian stride away.

"Checking out that sweet turian ass, huh Commander?" Ashley teased with a wicked grin. Jane’s head whipped back forward, blood rushing to her face. 

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer," she responded casually, maintaining a stone-cold face, aside from her newly flushed cheeks. Kaidan released a sound – something between a scoff of disgust and groan of envy.

* * *

At Saren’s hearing, Anderson and Shepard attempted to use Saren's misanthropy as an angle, but the Council wasn't buying it. Captain Anderson tried one more fact to sway the Council: Shepard’s vision that was triggered by the beacon.

"Are we allowing dreams into evidence now?" Saren condescendingly asked the Council. "How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?"

The Turian Councilor didn't hesitate to support that "wild imaginings and reckless speculations" were not to be accepted, strictly facts and evidence, to pass judgement.  As a courtesy, the Salarian Councilor asked Jane if she had anything else to add. Everyone in that room was aware how this session would end, yet there was hope it would turn out more favorably.

"You've already made your decision. I won't waste my breath."

"The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied."

Jane felt Saren's eyes fall on her and bore into her with a victorious hatred. She didn’t back down, matching his stare with her own, filled with a burning wrath. 

"I'm glad to see justice was served," Saren smirked as he vanished from the holographic stand.

Jane and Saren both know this isn’t the last time they’re going meet and that gave her a sick deep excitement. He won this round, but there are many more to come.


	2. A New Recruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is on the hunt for the C-Sec officer, Garrus.

_I need to find Garrus_.

Anderson assigned Jane the task of tracking down the lead C-Sec investigator. He’s their only hope. He must've had a lead on Saren if he was asking for more time. Whatever he has, they want it – humanity needs it. Ambassador Udina handed her a contact in C-Sec by the name of Harkin, although, he had been suspended a month ago for drinking on the job. But, it’s a start. Captain Anderson's suspicion is that he’d be getting drunk in a dingy little club in the lower section of the wards, Chora's Den.

Down in the lower wards, the booming music of Chora’s Den vibrated the shady alleys leading up to it. Violet and rose lights poured out from the entrance where a nonchalant bouncer leaned up against the wall watching patrons indulge in their vices.

"A million light years from where humanity began, and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't decide if that's funny or sad," Ashley vocalized in revulsion.

"What? You don't think they're here for the food?" Kaidan teased.

After the team split up to find Harkin somewhere inside, Jane snuck off to the bar to down a drink. Or two. There were pestering feelings she needed to numb. Her frustration towards the Council; her indignation with Udina; and the unidentifiable emotion that stirred in her when she met Garrus. As she drank, in her typical analytical behavior, she scanned the club looking for signs of an inebriated former C-Sec officer.

Chora’s Den is designed in a circle, the bar centrally located, and a levitating platform floating above with a human dancer swinging on a pole. Receded nooks along the walls of the establishment shelter clients during their one-on-one time with dancers. With no sign of Harkin, Shepard jumped off the bar stool and fluidly navigated the crowd. A mauveine hand reached out from one of nooks grabbing Jane’s wrist, pulling her in, and pushing her down onto a squeaky pleather chair. An alluring asari dancer covered in a melted latex body suit with cutouts of her breast cleavage and obliques began to provocatively dance for her, twirling her hips back. Asari are known for their sexuality which make them befitting exotic dancers.

Sensing her body surrender to the anesthetic effects of liquor, Jane sat back and gave in to the asari’s seduction. One can call Jane pansexual, not that she particularly cares for labels, but the gender, sexuality, race – or in this case, species – of her lovers never matters. What factors into her interest in someone is their personality and values. Sexual attraction is a close second. Hard to say how long Jane had been sitting there with her private dancer, but long enough for Alenko and Ashley to go searching for their Commander instead of Harkin.

"Uh, Commander?" Kaidan’s voice beckoned her back to reality. The asari wasn’t too happy with the Lieutenant interrupting her tip earnings. Kaidan matched her glare with his own.

“We found Harkin,” informed Ashley, seemingly unbothered by the fact her superior was receiving a lap dance by a female alien. After all, they did grow up together. She’s well aware of Jane’s exotic tastes.

“Let’s go then,” she said before tipping her entertainer handsomely for her time.

Just as Anderson predicted, Harkin chugged a beer bottle in the back of the club, barely able to sit straight in his chair. Jane could sense the forty-something-year-old man with a cul-de-sac hairstyle undress her and Ashley with his eyes.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he slurred, ogling at the size of Shepard's DD breasts and trying to lean forward to take record of her shaped backside. “Looking for some fun? ‘Cause I gotta say that soldier getup looks real good on that bod of yours.” Kaidan’s fists balled up, but Ashley held him back with a gentle slap on his chest. “Why don’t you sit that sweet little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink and let’s see where this goes.”

 “Maybe later,” she replied dryly.

“Suit yourself, princess. You know, if more marines looked like you, I would’ve joined the Alliance instead of C-Sec.”

"Harkin, right? I was told you could help me find someone. A turian C-Sec officer named Garrus."

"Garrus?" he guffawed. "Yeah, I know him. Damn hothead is what he is. Still figures he can save the world. Always bucking heads with the executor. He'll pay for it soon enough. The executor loved to put us lowly field agents in our place. Just look at-" _Hiccup."-_ what happened to me."

_Enough with the ramblings and pity party._

"Just tell me where he is," she snapped exasperatedly. He lifted his hands up in surrender.

"Garrus was sniffing around Dr. Michel's office. She runs the med clinic on the other side of the wards. Last I heard, he was going back there."

Paying the drunk no thanks, she sped off to the med clinic.

* * *

An eerie aura surrounded the atmosphere outside the door to the med clinic. Jane’s gut told her to be cautious. She gave a hand signal to Kaidan and Ashley to tread carefully. Silently, the front door whooshed opened and they tip-toed through the front area listening to muddled male voices down the hall. Too empty for a med clinic. As they approached, Jane could make out the conversation.

"I didn't tell anyone, I swear!" a terrorized female voice cried.

"That was smart, Doc."

Jane peeked through the crack of the door leading to the doctor's office. Dr. Chloe Michel – a red-haired woman with a short bob – was being backed into a corner by the thug.

"Now, if Garrus comes around, you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we'll-"

_Time to make an entrance._

Jane roughly slid open the door catching the gang's attention. He swiftly nabbed the doctor by the hair and placed a gun to her head as she whimpered in fear.

"Let her go!" Jane commanded, aiming a gun between his eyes. But apparently, someone else was already on top of that. A bullet sharply entered through his temple and exited through the other side of his head causing him to release the doctor and fall to the floor. Blood spilled out from the wounds. Garrus appeared from behind a column, ready to take out the others. For a reason that she didn’t want to recognize, seeing him again made her heart skip a beat. Dr. Michel ran to hide behind a hospital bed. Bullets flew between Jane's squad alongside Garrus, and the small gang that had just lost their leader to lead. In just a few moments, the job was done.

"Perfect timing, Shepard. Gave me a clear shot of that bastard," said Garrus, holstering his gun.

"You shot him clean. But what were you thinking? You could've shot the hostage," she scorned.

"There wasn't time to think! I just reacted. I didn't mean to-" He sighed and shook his head at himself realizing she was right. "Dr. Michel. Are you hurt?"

"No. I'm okay. Thanks to you," she beamed. "All of you."

Through the doctor, they discovered that the thugs were working for a guy named Fist, who wanted to shut her up to keep her from telling Garrus about the quarian. The doctor put the quarian in contact with Fist since he’s an agent for the Shadow Broker. The intel had something to do with the geth – most likely linking them to Saren. Garrus corrected that Fist no longer works for the Shadow Broker, but for Saren now. This was much to the doctor's horror as she realized she just put the quarian in harm's way by sending her directly to the person she has compromising intel on. They needed to get moving. One, to get that pertinent intel, and two, to save the quarian. As the trio turned to leave, Garrus spoke up eagerly, much to Jane’s pleasure.

"This is your show, Shepard. But I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you!"

Shepard admired his passion but questioned his motives.

"You're a turian. Why do you want to bring him down?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I couldn't find the proof I needed in my investigation. But I knew what was really going on. Saren's a traitor to the Council and a disgrace to my people!"

"You made your case. Welcome aboard, Garrus."


	3. The Prothean Expert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane finds herself enchanted by an asari scientist after a damsel in distress rescue.

Jane freshened up in the bathroom and caught sight of herself in the mirror, dull green eyes staring right back at her. A badgering sense of doubt began to fester.

_Can I really do this? Live up to the expectations of a Spectre and rightfully hold the fate of the galaxy in my hands? And succeed?_

It had all happened so fast – becoming a Spectre. She knew it was coming and this is was what humanity wanted, but the mere thought of holding in her hands the fate of billions of lives sent a chill down her spine. But it’s pointless now to think about such things. She _is_ a Spectre now. Failing isn’t an option. Her eyes sparked, and a raging fire rose once again.

"15 minutes until landing, Commander," Joker notified over the intercom system.

"Thanks, Joker. Have Vakarian and Williams meet me in the cargo hold. Time to find us an asari."

"Aye aye, Commander."

* * *

The Normandy's stealth systems were made for missions like this. To deploy a small squad undetected. On the ground, the team would move in on the Mako which had to be the most graceful yet clumsiest vehicle that Jane ever drove. If you drove it off a cliff upside down, it would somehow find a way to land on all fours like a cat. However, if you went a slight bit more than the intended turn, the mako would submit into an uncontrollable drift.

Therum is an active volcanic land with pockets of molten lava lakes. Jane had to be careful navigating the terrain, using the geographical and elevation maps as a guide. Though mindful of the danger of molten lava, she wasn't as tactful with the uneven ground. She found a way to hit every pothole, ditch, nook and cranny, rocking the mako and its passengers violently.

"Pardon any insubordination, Commander," Garrus hesitantly spoke up, "but don't you think we'd have an, uh, smoother ride if we took the route that is already provided...and flat?"

"Come on Vakarian, haven't you ever heard of taking the road less traveled?" Jane quipped, speeding up a rutted mountain, no finesse whatsoever.

"I think in our case, there was a reason no one’s traveling this road ma’am," Ashley muttered. “Ow!”

Jane may or may not have purposely ran over a crater, sending the two in the back springing from their seats and crashing into the roof above their heads.

 A geth ship flew over the mako and dropped off a two geth colossus mechanisms that immediately assembled onto all fours and fired blue orb projectiles.

"Vakarian! Get on the cannon! Take those geth out!"

"On it, Commander!"

Garrus jumped in the passenger seat to take over the gun controls, and the two harmoniously took out the geth with Jane's evasion tactics and Garrus' aim. Moving forward, more geth appeared along their way. The path came to an end when the road was blocked with debris of boulders. Time to go on foot.

“I drive next time,” Ashley groaned, massaging the top of her head as they exited the mako.

“Do you know how much time I saved us by taking the direct route instead of the long winding boring flat road? Plus, I got us a wicked vantage point for the firefight.”

“Anyone else see stars circling around their heads? I may have to sit this one out, Commander,” Garrus joked.

“Alright, alright. I get it. I’ll be more thoughtful of my tender-headed soldiers. Now, let’s move out!” she commanded, throwing on her helmet.

Past the debris, the road led to the entrance of the dig site, with an extensive and well-lit tunnel down into the earth. At the end of the tunnel, the geth popped up again, assault drones flying from out of cracks in the ruins. Wave after wave of enemies continued to appear as they pursued their objective.

Jane was more than impressed with Garrus' sniping skills. He was able to take down the enemies further away while Ashley and Jane concentrated on the enemies in closer proximities, making sure they wouldn’t get anywhere close.

Further in the ruins, the squad took an elevator deep into the cave where more geth were waiting for them as they got off, but it seemed that they finally reached the end. Glowing blue light illuminated this section of the ruins. As they approached, a chamber blocked off with a cerulean barrier levitated a stretched-out asari body in the center.

"Uh...hello? Could somebody help me? Please?" her voice echoed. Holstering their guns, the team stepped up to get a closer look. "Can you hear me out there? I am trapped. I need help!"

"Liara T'soni, I presume," Jane said.

Dr. T'Soni floated behind the barrier still able to move her head, but her body completely frozen by the spherical force field that entrapped her. The doctor anxiously watched Jane, attempting to decipher whether she was a friend or foe.

"Thank the Goddess! I did not think anyone would come looking for me," she said sincerely. "Listen. This thing I am in is a Prothean device. I cannot move, so I need you to get me out of it. All right?"

Jane isn’t going to trust so easily.

"Your mother is working with Saren. Whose side are you on?"

"What?" she exclaimed offended. "I am not on anybody's side! I may be Benezia's daughter, but I'm nothing like her! I have not spoken to her in years. Please. Just get me out of here."

"How did you get in there?"

Dr. T'Soni sighed. "I was exploring the ruins when the geth showed up, so I hid in here. Can you believe that? Geth! Beyond the Veil!" Jane read her reaction as authentic. Liara ha activated the tower's defenses knowing the barrier curtains would keep enemies out, but she hit something she wasn't supposed to and ended up trapped.

Ashley leaned into the Commander's ear and whispered, "You think we can trust her? She _is_ a traitor's daughter."

Jane's instincts gave her no indication that Liara had any evil intentions. Just an innocent researcher trying to do her life's work. She nodded her answer to Ashley.

"You got any suggestion on how to get you out of here?"

Relieved, Liara gleefully answered, "There is a control in here that should deactivate this thing. You'll have to find some way past the barrier curtain – that's the tricky part. The defenses cannot be shut off from the outside. I don't know how you'll get in here..."

All three turned and examined the area for any signs of an alternate entry point.

"Be careful," Liara alerted, "There is a krogan with the geth. They have been trying different ways to get past the barriers."

"I'd like to think that my human brain can outsmart a krogan," she assured with confidence. "Don't move...er. Yeah. We'll be right back."

"You are...quite interesting, uh..."

"Shepard," she called out over her shoulder as they walked off. They split up to scavenge the area.

"Commander! Over here!" Garrus yelled. Jane jogged over with Ashley to see that Garrus had found a mining laser. "It's locked, but I can override it, aim it to burrow a tunnel underneath the chamber so we can access it from below."

"Good work, Vakarian," she praised, patting his shoulder. Garrus' body shuddered under her touch. She quickly took back her hand and turned away. "Get it done."

_Shit. Was that inappropriate?_

In a few seconds, the laser whirred and a blazing hot laser beam dugout a clean passage through ground, giving an easy way to get to the doctor. They climbed through the tunnel and discovered a platform elevator to take to the top, where Liara patiently awaited her rescuers. When she heard their footsteps, she craned her head to speak.

"I didn't think there was any way past the barrier! Well, no matter. Please...get me out of here before more geth arrive. The button over there should shut down this containment field."

Jane did as she said and Liara fell to her knees.

"Oof!" she grunted, dusting off her skin-tight uniform. Dr. T'Soni turned to face the squad, and everything went in slow motion to Jane. The asari Prothean expert was enchantingly beautiful. Unlike the dancer at Chora's Den or any asari in general, Jane's attraction to her wasn’t immediately sexual. Liara’s unlike the others she encountered so far. She’s classy, dignified, respectful, and almost innocent. Her glassy powder blue eyes are endearing and faultless, accentuated by the smudged cobalt eyeliner haloed around her eyes.

When everything returned to real time, Garrus asked, "Any idea how we get out of this place?"

Liara directed them back down the elevator to an emergency entrance they could use. As they waited for the ride to stop at the bottom, Liara asked why they geth would be after her, even if she is Benezia's daughter. Garrus explained that Saren is looking for the Conduit, a Prothean device. She’s the Prothean expert, so he obviously wanted her to help him find it. Before she could speak, a rumble shook the facility.

"The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event," Liara hypothesized. "The ruins are no longer stable. The whole place is caving in. We have to hurry!"

Jane radioed Joker to pick them up. He'd only be eight minutes away. But their escape wouldn't be so easy.

"Surrender! Or don't. That would be more fun," chuckled the krogan Liara had warned them of earlier.

"In case you didn't notice, this place is falling apart," Jane remarked snidely.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" he replied nastily. "Thanks for getting rid of those energy fields for us. Hand the doctor over."

"Whatever it is you want, you're not getting it from me!" yelled Liara.

"She'll stay with us, thanks," Jane said with a sudden sense of protection over the asari. Liara looked over gratefully at her. Jane returned a tight-lipped smile.

The krogan battle master wasn’t pleased with that response. “Not an option. Saren wants her. And he always gets what he wants.”

He and his geth pulled out their weapons. They have to make this quick.

* * *

The last body hit the ground, and the squad sprinted towards the exit, dodging enormous falling rocks and equipment as the cave started to collapse. Jane placed herself behind everyone else, so she could be sure that no one would get left behind. 

It was a close call, but they got through by the skin of their teeth.

* * *

A paralyzing silence fell, all eyes bouncing around the comm room searching for the next action to take place. Liara and Jane stood in the center and Liara stepped slowly towards Jane. Jane's body tightened up, unsure of what to expect with "joining consciousness". They gazed at each other, Jane paying special attention to Liara's eyes. Why were they so mesmerizing? Liara blushed, recognizing something extraordinary attractive about this human. She hadn't interacted with many humans before. But this joininh was necessary to see if she could decipher Shepard’s visions.

"Relax, Commander," Liara directed, closing her eyes. Jane followed suit. "Embrace eternity!"

The group watched as Liara’s eyes shot open and turned pitch black – pupil and iris, no white to be found. Shepard’s eyes remained closed, but her eyes twitched under her eyelids, re-watching her vision together with Liara, whose body trembled subtly. A quick minute and her eyes softly closed. Simultaneously, their eyes snapped open, Liara’s turning back to normal but doe-eyed.

"That was incredible! All this time! All my research. Yet I-I never dreamed... I am sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so...intense. You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you have been through, what you have seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind."

"Come on. Get to the point. What'd you see?" Ashley griped, Liara talking way more than her liking.

The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the vision were missing, and data transferred into Jane’s mind was incomplete. Liara didn’t see anything that would help them find it.

Saren was after Liara because he was afraid she’s help Jane understand the vision. She was able to interpret what was there and find a missing portion. She was confident she could put all the pieces together.

"Looks like I'll need you to stay around,” Jane told Liara.

"Thank you, Commander. I am very—” Liara stumbled back, palm to her forehead. “Whoa, I am afraid I am feeling a bit light-headed."

"When was the last time you ate? Or slept? Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you,” Kaidan suggested.

"It could not hurt to be examined by a medical professional. Are we finished here, Commander?"

"We can talk again after you've seen the doctor. The rest of you...dismissed!"

Jane crossed her arms and watched her comrades walk of out the room.

_What a bunch of misfits I've acquired. Talented, though. I'm lucky to have found them._

Garrus and Liara were the last two to file out. And the only lingering thought that refused to leave her was: Why was she so drawn to them?


	4. Breaking the Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane takes time to get to know her crew.

 The next morning, Jane exited her quarters to check on Liara in the med bay. Kaidan was waiting for her right around the corner at his workstation.

"Morning," he greeted.

"Morning. Something I can help you with, Lieutenant?”

“Uh, not anything in particular. Just hoping to chat. Haven’t really had the chance to since this whole thing started on Eden Prime.”

“Maybe later? I need to check on Liara.”

“Oh,” he said under a shallow breath. “Right. I’ll talk to you later then.”

Jane found Liara in the back office behind the med bay where she had been working away, ardently looking through her research to find something to help the mission. She didn’t notice Jane until the door closed behind her. Liara stood up to meet her. She looked nervous, mindlessly fidgeting her hands.

“Commander, are you coming to check up on me?” she asked, her fuchsia lips wrapping around every syllable.

“You look much better. How are you feeling?”

“Dr. Chakwas assures me I’m going to be just fine. I never properly thanked you for saving me from the geth, Commander. If you hadn’t shown up-“

“I’m just glad we got there in time,” Jane interrupted, not needing her gratitude.

Unbothered, she replied, “So am I.” She began to pace as Jane watched her intensely. “I know you took a chance bringing me aboard this ship. I have seen the way your crew looks at me. They do not trust me.” Liara stopped and faced her with assertion. “But I am not like Benezia. I will help you stop Saren. I promise.”

“Don’t worry Liara, I trust you.”

“It means a lot to hear you say that,” she flushed.

Jane wanted to take this time to get to know her more. She took a seat next to the computer Liara was working on and crossed her legs. Liara eyed the commander’s legs as she did so. Out of her armor, she could see that Jane is an athletically fit woman, even in her head-to-toe black loose-fitting uniform. Lean and strong, but still able to hold onto her feminine curves. Dr. T’Soni returned to her chair, sensing that Jane would be keeping her company for just a little longer. She didn’t mind.

They engage in a hypnotic gaze and Jane thought, _God, she’s adorable._

* * *

Kaidan’s watchful eyes never left the door of the med bay, waiting for Jane to emerge, but she had been gone longer than he expected. If he hadn’t witnessed the lust-filled look on Jane’s face at Chora’s Den when she watched the asari dancer, he wouldn’t have an ounce of worry. But he did. And he was worried.

When the door finally opened, he dropped his head, pretending that he’d been working vigorously, wiping the inexistent sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Lieutenant, you wanted to talk?” The formality of her words stung.

“We’ve been friends a long time, Jane. You don’t have to refer me by my title when we’re alone,” he said, trying not to sound bitter.

“Oh, sorry. With so many new people on board, I haven’t gotten used to going on a first named basis yet,” she fibbed. Truth be told, she’s been trying to keep it professional with Kaidan, noticing his recent change of behavior around her lately. Jane planned to place distance between them, so she wouldn’t lead him on. “Anyway, what was on your mind?”

Kaidan didn’t necessarily have anything prepared so he rambled about how he didn’t understand why the Council wasn’t helping out more, how they could be so blind, etcetera.

_Like I’m not aware?_

“How’s your headache?” she asked.

“Manageable. Who would’ve thought I still would’ve had side effects from those biotic implants huh?”

“Better than terminal brain cancer.”

 “Have you eaten yet, Jane?”

“No. Want to head to the mess hall for breakfast?”

He led the way. Ashley was already at a table halfway through her meal.

“Strangely familiar, isn’t it?” she said as Kaidan and Jane set their trays down.

“Like going through a time machine,” Kaidan responded, reminiscing when they would sit together in the galley during training.

“But with a lot less acne and teenage angst,” Jane added.

“Maybe less angst, but the adolescent romance antics are still in play,” Ashley smiled smugly.

“Don’t start.”

“What? You’re stuck in a weird love triangle with two aliens and Alenko. I guess it’s a square in that case.” Kaidan’s grip tightened on his fork, dropping a piece of scrambled eggs onto the tray.

“Ashley,” Jane warned.

“Fine. Off the record,” she leaned in to whisper. “I’m concerned about the aliens. Should they have full access to the ship? This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance. I don’t think we should give them free range to poke around the vital systems.”

“You don’t trust them as allies?” Kaidan asked.

“I just think we shouldn’t bet everything on them staying allies. If their back’s against the wall, they’ll abandon us.”

“You’ve got a pessimistic view of the universe, Ash” Kaidan noted.

“A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist,” Ashley cracked back. Jane knows where Ashley comes from. Since the Alliance was founded, Ashley’s family has defended it and swore the oath of service. Earth’s interests are her own and Earth is xenophobic. Therefore, Ashley didn’t serve time around aliens much, but she would have no option on the Normandy. If it weren’t for Jane and Kaidan, she’d surely ask for a transfer.

“Standing up for ourselves doesn’t mean we have to stand alone. This is a multilateral mission. Like it or not, we’re working with them,” Jane told her.

Reaffirmed by her friend and Commander, Ashley replied, “It won’t be a problem. You say ‘jump’, I say ‘how high’. You ask me to kiss a turian, I’ll ask which cheek.”

Jane chortled at her playful words of loyalty.  “I don’t think kissing turians will be necessary.”

“You never know!” she said in a sing-song voice, peering in the direction over where the aliens were sitting, singling out Garrus.

After the meal and conversation, Jane headed down to the lower level to track down the rest of her crew. Not a bad idea to get know the people who would be covering her back out on the field.

Ashley went back to cleaning her weapons and armor on the workbench in the cargo hold area next to the footlockers.

Wrex was on the other side of the footlockers, posted up against the wall with his beefy arms crossed. It was difficult to break the ice with Wrex, but when she did it, oh did it break. Jane asked him for a personal story, but when he replied that he had no stories, she pushed appealing to his pride. Why wouldn’t a krogan battle master want to gloat about his victories? She fished for a kick-ass battle story but caught a bitter, sarcastic reply about how his species was almost eradicated by a sterilizing biological weapon deployed by the turians during the Krogan Rebellion. She knew about this, but she didn’t expect her questioning to be mistaken for ignorance. Using her cool demeanor, she managed to calm Wrex down, and he apologized for being so short with her. He isn’t used to casual conversation as a mercenary. They would finish this talk another time. Jane defied the odds and relaxed a temperamental krogan. She’ll cash her winnings right then and there.

Engineer Adams was over the moon with having Tali on board in the engineering room. He wished his crew was as half as smart as she is. Tali’s in stupor herself over the advanced technology of the Normandy, used to the second-hand vessels her nomadic kind could forage and fix up. She thanked Jane for bringing her in. It was a dream come true.  She imagined that if she could see Tali’s face through the heavily tinted helmet, she’d be grinning from ear to ear. The cheerful chirp in her voice would do.

Lastly, Jane found Garrus by the mako, adjusting the firing algorithms to the guns and cannon. So much work to be done on human technology. She took a deep slow breath before approaching him. He looked over his shoulder, glad to see his commanding officer.

“Thanks for bringing me on board, Commander. I knew working with a Spectre would be better than life at C-Sec.”

“Have you worked with a Spectre before?”

He scratched the back of his head, slightly moving his stiff fringe. “Well, no. But I know what they’re like.”

She raised an eyebrow as if to say, ‘Oh? What _are_ we like?’ Garrus answered comprehending her expression.

“Spectres make their own rules. You’re free to handle things your way. At C-Sec, you’re buried by rules. The damn bureaucrats are always on your back,” he spat.

“For the most part, the rules are there for a reason,” she said.

“Maybe. But sometimes it feels like the rules are there to stop me from doing my work. If I’m trying to take a suspect down, it shouldn’t matter how I do it, as long as I get it done.” She nodded, listening intently. “It didn’t start bad, but as I rose up in the ranks, I got saddled with more and more red tape. C-Sec’s handling of Saren was typical. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hate leaving…”

His head hung. Jane could tell that he was disappointed he couldn’t do more at C-Sec, but he wouldn’t have left if he felt that he had no other option. To truly be able to fight injustice as he saw fit.

“I hope you made the right choice, Garrus. I would hate for you to regret it later,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. Garrus glanced at it briefly before she let it fall. He didn’t shudder this time.

“Well, that’s why I teamed up with you. It’s a chance for me to get off the Citadel, see how things are done outside of C-Sec.” His turn to stare into her green eyes. “I plan to make the most of it,” he stated, his gaze firmly fixed on Shepard. Her face got hot. Garrus’ visor picked up on the commander’s racing heartbeat. Jane needed to disengage from this feeling.

 “Alright, I’ll let you get back to it,” she said, turning away and speeding off.

Garrus took view of her walking away. What was it about her that he felt the need to be closer? He hadn’t paid much attention to the nudging urge, but he couldn’t ignore it for much longer.

 


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as things start heating up between Liara and Jane, they decide to take a break and Jane grows closer with Garrus in the mean time.

Jane wanted to shop for upgrades, especially omni-tools. The technology seemed handy and would serve great as a communication tool between her and the crew.

On the Citadel, Jane shopped in the lower wards where she could get the majority of her items, legal or otherwise. She picked up the latest technology for her crew, and not just powerful weaponry and impenetrable yet light armor, but also the latest tech and biotic amps. With Tali's recommendations of omni-tools in hand, Jane browsed the conglomerate of shop merchants, though the overwhelming amount of options left Jane in indecision. She’d come back later with Tali and just take her word for what she picked out. She carried her purchases back to the Normandy, vacant of life as the whole crew left for shore leave – except Joker. He doesn’t trust anyone to be left alone with his ship. Plus, his condition doesn’t allow him to enjoy the freedom of shore leave.

While dropping off medi-gel replenishments to the med bay, Jane heard mumblings coming from Liara's office. She poked her head through the door and observed Liara talking to herself while working on the computer.

"You didn't want to get away?" Jane asked inserting herself into the solitary conversation.

"Oh!" she jumped in her seat. "Hello, Shepard. I didn’t hear you come in. Is there something you needed from me?"

 "No, not really," Jane replied, occupying the seat next to Liara. She wanted to take this opportunity to get closer to Liara without the whispers of gossip following her out of the med bay. "Just stopping by to chat."

"I see..." Liara gently bit her lip and blushed a deep violet. "I hope I’m not making a fool of myself. I’m not used to dealing with people, especially humans, as I don’t really know much about your species.”

“Ah, well, you’re surrounded by us now. You’ll catch on soon enough,” Jane half-smiled.

“I’m sure, but I also did some of my own research. And I know... what happened to you on Akuze.”

Akuze. Each syllable stung. Jane’s surroundings were drowned out by the distant screams of her dying comrades. The copper scent of blood flooded her senses, and she could taste it in her mouth. Jane shook the crude memory off. She couldn’t blame or be mad at Liara for her curiosity but felt a slow burning of anger in her fingertips, clenching her fists.

“You could’ve just asked me. I would’ve told you. You didn’t need to go behind my back,” Jane told her deadpan.

Liara, flustered and mortified, replied, “I-I apologize Commander.”

Jane released a puff of air, attempting to ease her temper — squeezing her fists tighter and releasing. She understands Liara’s actions and intentions. It was innocent. Jane dropped her shield to expose her vulnerability. Deeming it safe to continue, Liara parted her lips to speak once again.

“I wanted to know more about you…to understand what made you into the woman you are.”

Jane’s heart pounded heavily at Liara’s words, wanting to profoundly believe that her feelings are mutual.

“Are you sure you’re interested in me? Or is it my visions of the Protheans?” she interrogated.

“I admit your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest, but it has grown beyond that.” Liara stood and walked a few steps away from Jane, pondering if she should say the next sentences. She whipped back around, a flicker of an animalistic look gleaming in Liara’s eyes, her voice seductive. “You intrigue me, Shepard. But I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to act on my feelings.”

"How come?"

"I feel as we share some type of...connection. I was not sure because… Well, none of this matters if you already in a serious relationship with Lieutenant Alenko."

"I care about Kaidan.” Liara’s heart plummeted. She should’ve known better than to believe her own ridiculous feelings. Jane was quick to continue. “We've known each other for years, but the Lieutenant and I are just friends," she assured her, standing to meet Liara in the center of the room. "So, you're right. There is something between us."

"I knew it! And I know you felt it too!" she beamed, composing herself quickly after. "But does this not feel rather strange?” She anxiously paced. “Why do I feel so close to you? We have only known each other a short time. We are from two different species. We almost have nothing in common! This makes no sense!"

Jane let out a soft chuckle and reached for Liara's hands, reeling her back in, holding them gently in hers. She didn't pull back.

"It doesn't have to. Quit thinking like a scientist. Logic doesn't always work in relationships. Just...let yourself get swept up in the storm."

“You make it sound so chaotic. So dangerous,” she said libidinously, her hands playing with Jane’s.

“Don’t tell me a little danger puts you off,” she smirked slyly.

Liara’s hands went limp and fell to her side. Her excitement fading, shifting to nervous.

“This is all a bit of overwhelming. I am not used to…this. You. I will need some time,” she confessed, almost breathless. Man, did this give her whiplash. One moment, Jane believed things between them were finally falling into place and the next moment, they were at a standstill.

Nodding her head in comprehension, Jane would give her time. And space. All that she needed.

* * *

Jane made her way to Flux, the Citadel’s premier bar, nightclub, and casino. She granted the crew some shore leave, and could use some time off herself. Unlike Chora’s Den, Flux facilitated the temptations of higher clientele. As she suspected, Jane found her crew among the crowd, most of them at the bar. Wrex and Garrus were easy to spot, retreated in the back with their own private table.

“This seat taken boys?” Jane’s lively voice burst out over the music, plopping down next to Garrus. His stomach did a flip. He and Wrex had already been at Flux for a solid hour. Now loose and uninhibited.

“Shepard! My friend!” Wrex boasted out.

“Already a bit tipsy?” Jane laughed.

“Not an ounce! We krogan know how to handle our liquor. Can’t say the same for Vakarian here,” he elbowed Garrus roughly, knocking him into Jane. He apologized to her with a glance.

“Sorry. I wasn’t born with multiple livers to help filter out the alcohol,” Garrus countered. “Commander. How about a drink?”

One free drink turned into many rounds of drinks, and an extensive talkfest. Wrex finally awarded Jane the war stories she eagerly wanted to hear in their first personal encounter. After a long-winded play-by-play, Wrex went back to the bar for more drinks. Quenched of her thirst for a blood-filled tale, Jane craved Garrus’ voice to speak of himself, to hear the reasons he had become a C-Sec Officer. Several reasons, he said. She pressed for more.

"Probably the same as most officers. I wanted to fight injustice, wanted to help people," he began. "I guess my father had something to do with it, too. He was C-Sec. One of the best."

Garrus grew up hearing of his father’s accomplishments and seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest. Having had high hopes for his son to follow in the same footsteps, he took Garrus’ resignation pretty hard.

She took a sip of whatever the hell she’d been drinking. She stopped asking what’s in her cup long ago. And what number she was on. Under the freeing influence of alcohol, Garrus then expressed his concern about not being able to catch Saren or being blocked by the Council to give him any proper punishment.

"Don't worry,” she said. “We'll catch Saren, no matter what. You may not have received special training, Garrus, but stick around and I'll show you a few things.” Her lips grinned mischievously around the rim of her glass, swallowing the last drop of courage.

"Oh, I plan to," he spoke unvaryingly, mandibles flaring. His words hung over until Wrex clamored back with three luminescent green libations.

"Who wants to hear about the time I killed my father?!"

The hollow echoes of Wrex's mirth were the last thing she could recall before drifting off into a drunken slumber.


	6. Skipper

“Knock, knock, Skipper!”

Jane tried to pry her eyes open. She ultimately failed. A warm body sat at the foot of her bed, the clinging of ice cubes in a glass oscillated in the room as if a bell tower was ringing right next to her ears.

“Ugh. Why are you calling me Skipper?” Jane muffled under the covers, blocking any break of light from blinding her eyes.

“You are the captain of the ship, aren’t you?” Ashley snickered.

“Yeah, but no one uses that term anymore.”

“Well, I do. Now sit up. Here, I got you some water and aspirin.”

Jane slowly emerged from beneath the covers, her body creaking with every single movement as she sat up. Ashley handed her the pills and water which she quickly threw back, desperately hoping it to release relief to her head and body in that instance. She pressed and rolled the cold glass across her forehead, numbing the throbbing pain for just a moment.

“Looks like you had a good time huh?”

“I couldn’t honestly tell you. I don’t remember most of it.”

“I may not have the best opinion of aliens, but that Vakarian is a hell of a gentleman.”

Jane’s brow raised. “What are you talking about?”

“He carried you back to the ship when you couldn’t find your feet anymore. Would’ve taken you all the way to your bed, tucked you in, and kissed you goodnight too, but Kaidan took over once he saw you over his shoulders coming down the stairs. What a cock block.”

As much as it pained her, she joined Ashley in a hearty laugh. After recovering her breath, Jane said, “Garrus is a great friend.”

“Friend… Whatever you say, Skipper,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “I don’t get your fascination with aliens, but I think Liara and Garrus would be good for you. Kaidan too, but I already know you don’t have those kinds of feelings for him. I don’t mean to intrude on your personal business, but you should really make it clear on who you plan on pursuing before things get complicated, Jane.” _Ashley’s right, but if it were only so easy._ “And as much romantic drama it’s brought you, it’s done you a lot of good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When we started this whole mission, you were a bit…cold. Serious. Maybe even angry. Just all about the mission.” Jane parted her lips to speak, but Ashley quickly closed the gap of silence. “Then we reached the Citadel and picked up aliens to join us. Your…spirit thawed out and became…warm. Ah, shit. I’m not good at this mushy stuff.” Ashley mumbled profanity under breath. “What I’m trying to say, Skipper, is that you seem happy.”

Jane dropped her head letting her fiery hair cover the ebullient grin that appeared on her face.

“I am,” she stated under the shadows of her hair. “Thanks, Ashley.”

Jane noticed a brown parcel box on her work desk that wasn’t there before. And she didn’t recognize it as part of her purchases. She swore she put them all away.

 “Did you bring that box in? What is it?” Jane questioned.

“Don’t know. It was already here when I came in,” she answered, bringing the box over and examining it for a card or letter. Ashley passed it off to Jane who meticulously opened the package revealing – to her great surprise – an omni-tool carefully padded with packing peanuts. She delicately ran her fingers over the powered-down device. A gorgeously designed model she had been debating on for a considerable amount of time in the wards. One that was included on Tali’s recommendation list. Top of the line. Sleek.

“Damn. Way to treat yourself.”

“I didn’t buy this,” she breathed in a mixture of disbelief, confusion, and astonishment.

“You got a hell of an admirer, then. I got to get back to work. Those rifles won’t clean themselves. Not yet anyway.”

After she departed, Jane dug through the packaging for a clue. A folded note was stuck in the bottom.

_Saw you in the wards mulling over these. -G_

“Garrus?” she whispered, immediately followed by a cheesy grin.

“Commander, the Council is asking for a mission’s report. Want me to set up a link?” Joker said over the intercom system.

“Yeah. Send them the mission reports. I’ll head over to the comm room. Thanks.”

She had wanted to play with her omni-tool for just a small amount time, but a mission report was long overdue.

* * *

“Meeting went that well?” Kaidan called out from his workstation, noticing her green, glossy eyes and rosy flush to her porcelain skin as she came out of her meeting with the Council. The meeting hadn’t gone well at all actually, but stuck in a glowing from Garrus’ gift, it didn’t affect her at all. And in such a good mood, Jane didn’t mind Kaidan’s interruption.

“Not exactly. The Turian Councilor always seems to find a way to give me shit. We saved all the colonists, and he wants to give me grief just because they’re human.”

“Some can’t let go their grudges since the war. It can’t be helped.”

“They’re going to have to. Especially if Saren succeeds. We’re going to need everyone to pull together.”

“He won’t succeed, Jane. I know you won’t let him,” his raspy voice said confidently.

A kindly smile broke on Jane’s face. Something Kaidan hadn’t seen from her in a while. Not to him at least. He felt their relationship had grown distant aboard the Normandy. Much further than he had wished for them to be.

“Anyway, I’m glad we got some time downtime. We don’t get a lot. I like spending it with you, Jane.”

She didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Ashley’s voice rang through her head, telling her to make her intentions clear. She didn’t know how without hurting his feelings. The still silence settled into an uncomfortable atmosphere around them. And to make it worse, Kaidan brought up an interesting topic.

“You know, there’s a lower-deck rumor that, uh, Liara’s interested in you. As more than a source of Prothean data.”

_Already beat you to that._

“You seem awfully worried about my personal affairs, Kaidan,” she noted, crossing her arms. A signal he recognized as her emotional barrier activating.

“Sorry. I don’t make a habit of complicating the chain of command, but you’re one of my closest friends, Jane. I care about you and what happens to you. You’re special to me.”

Again, Jane was at a loss for how to approach the conversation. Luckily, Ashley pulled her ass out of the fire.

“Hey, Skipper!” She ran up from the cargo load. “I need to ask you about the armor and weapons you bought. I want to get everything straightened out before we get to Noveria.”

“I’ll be down in a minute, Williams.”

Ashley glanced quickly at Jane and then Kaidan before heading back down to the armory. She wasn’t sure what she just walked into, and she didn’t want to know.

 “I should go,” she said rapidly.

“Right,” he said, rejection plastered all over his face.

Garrus caught Jane coming down the stairs out of the corner of his eye. Did she see his package? From what he could tell, she wasn't wearing it. Jane headed straight to Ashley, not bothering to give Garrus an ounce of attention at that moment. Business first. Pleasure later.

Jane spent the rest of the day with Ashley, assembling the weapons and armor, calling down each squad member from wherever they were to pick up their firearms to stow them away in their appropriate lockers and get fitted into their armor. When Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus dropped by, she had Ashley take care of them, pretending she was preoccupied with a random task. Liara wanted space. Jane wanted space from Kaidan. And she wanted to take care of Garrus at a separate time. She still needed time to make a decision on who she concretely wished to pursue.

* * *

1800\. Past lunch and just about time for dinner. The ship was still docked at the Citadel, and the majority of the crew was still gone on shore leave. She decided that one night out was enough, so she wouldn’t make any more questionable decisions. She grabbed a quick bite from the mess hall and ate while going over the mission description for Noveria. But she couldn't seem to concentrate. She had to keep starting over from the beginning, the words unable to form into comprehensible sentences. Jane shut down her datapad and pushed away her food. Too many things were running through her mind. Her allegiance to the Alliance to complete missions essential to Earth's success and safety; her duty to the Council to locate the Conduit before Saren leads the galaxy to its doom; and the vague direction her personal life was going. She’d never actually sat down and thought about it.

An asari's choice to mate with someone isn’t t to be taken lightly so Jane can’t count on Liara to ultimately decide to engage in a relationship with her. Kaidan isn’t to her tastes, though, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about him. Only as a friend. They’d known each other far too long for her to bluntly shoot him down and piss him off as she would normally do to a man that was leeched onto her like a tick, persistently asking for more. She needs to find a way to have an affable conversation with him. And Garrus? She likes talking to Garrus. Cool, confident, and comfortable. It feels natural with him, and only until the recent gift did she even get a hint that he _maybe_ is interested in her. No obvious flirtation or touching like with Liara. No pining and puppy dog eyes like she received from Kaidan. Perhaps now is the time to talk to Garrus and thank him for the gift. She threw the datapad on her bed and traveled to the cargo hold where Garrus made repairs to the mako.

"You know the mako isn't indestructible, right? You can't just keep driving it recklessly, setting it on fire, and expect it to continue working," he quipped, not looking up, but he recognized her footsteps wherever they came from.

"I have to keep you busy somehow."

"That you do."

"So how much?"

"How much what?" he asked, still looking down, working.

"The omni-tool."

"More than I'd like to admit."

"Why?"

“As a thank you."

"For what? You didn't have to."

"Didn't have to?" he repeated, almost insulted. "It's the least I could do."

"For keeping you busy by destroying the mako all the time?"

"No," he exhaled, shutting down his omni-tool and wiping the grease off his gloves. He turned to her, and clarified, "For bringing me in. Letting me be a part of your team. I'm learning a lot working with you – a Spectre. And the new equipment you got everyone? I couldn't repay that even if I wanted to."

_Ah. A gift for a mentor. Not a romantic gesture. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but at least I know where we stand._

With that in mind, she continued her friendly conversation with Garrus well into the night until it was time for them to get some shut eye. Even with what should’ve have been a resolution to one of her many problems, Jane couldn’t stop thinking about Garrus all night and all the things she wish she could do to satiate the craving between them.


	7. Noveria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara runs into her mother on Noveria & Jane has a peculiar encounter with the Rachni Queen.

  _Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have._

Jane had an awful twisting feeling about Noveria as soon as they’d landed. And now she’s watching Liara on the opposite side of the docking bay, keeping to herself, while they waited for Joker to pick them up. They’ve barely spoken. Now she doesn’t know what to say. What _do_ you say in a situation like this?

The small, frozen terrestrial world is barely inhabitable by conventional definitions. Privately chartered by the Noveria Development Corporation and the source of many wild conspiracy theories.

“Hell of a welcome wagon,” Jane murmured, passing by the less than friendly ERCSsecurity on Port Hanshan. No way in hell anyone was going to take away Jane’s weapons. She didn't care if this is their house. Citadel authority supersedes theirs, so she gets to play by her own rules. The weather’s freezing cold, and so are the people.

Jane assigned Kaidan onto this mission for two reasons: in a corporate world, she needed someone skilled in politics and Kaidan’s especially talented in that area. She hates brown nosing and being mealy-mouthed. Second reason: well, he practically begged her, having felt left out of most of the missions. Wanting to appear non-threatening to Noveria officials, Jane also brought along Liara. Wrex is too intimidating and rough-looking to bring along; Too many people look down upon quarians to bring Tali; and Garrus mentioned that turians don’t like the cold so she did him a favor and let him sit this one out. It worked out that Liara had come along because Saren’s accomplice, Benezia was here and she brought along an army of geth.

* * *

The blizzard was no joke. The winds crashed into the sides of the mako after they finally got permission to depart the port, which was concerning considering the icy roads and narrow roadways up high in the mountains. She let Kaidan take the wheel with his careful and meticulous driving.

Not only did the snow make it hard to see the road, but it made it hard to see the geth, too. Benezia somehow managed to smuggle in crates of geth through the supposed high and tight security checkpoints of Port Hanshan.

At Peak 15, the geth had overrun the building, and they were easy enough to take out, but the presence of rachni was unprecedented. The red insect-like creatures had been extinct for roughly two thousand years. They were eradicated entirely during the Rachni War only by the mighty krogan had been able to exterminate the insects. They were supposed to be gone and the Mu Relay missing. What the hell was Saren up to? So many unanswered questions rose to the surface on Noveria. They’d receive the answers. Just not from who or in the way expected.

Benezia stood over a console at the very bottom of the labs. The asari Matriarch stared at a capsule in front of her, containing the Rachni Queen. The Queen had been worn out and tired from Benezia’s interrogation.

“Her children were to be ours. Raised to hunt and slay Saren’s enemies,” she revealed and spun around to face Jane, Liara, and Kaidan with a merciless look. It’s evident that Liara’s her daughter. Benezia stood tall and beautiful, dressed in a long black flowing dress.

“I won’t be moved by sympathy. No matter who you bring into this confrontation,” she clarified, staring at her offspring. “What have you told her about me, Liara?”

“What could I say, mother? That you are insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?” she shouted breathlessly, on the verge of tears.

“Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have,” Benezia spoke callously, insinuating their end.

“I can’t believe you’d kill your own daughter,” Jane said with incredulity. Jane’s parents died at a young age, so she never had the pleasure to know what a relationship is between mother and child, but she knows it isn’t this.

“I now realize I should have been stricter with her.”

Before anyone could say or do anything, Benezia froze the squad with her biotics and sent in the asari commando unit. Luckily, the new armor Jane had bought for the squad helped fight resist the effects of biotics, so her attack only lasted a few seconds. The heavily armed and skilled asari attacked the squad from all angles. The three gathered together, back to back, so no one could breach their formation or single them out.

Benezia kept trying to trap them in stasis, but the team would dodge and deflect her attacks while taking down the commandos. This battle proved to be more difficult and more prolonged than Jane would’ve liked, but it actually worked out to their favor. The more Benezia kept trying to stop them, the less energy she had. By the time they were done, Benezia wasn’t able to defend herself anymore, having excessively used her powers. She stood before them languidly, struggling to maintain her balance, and blood dripping down the side of her face to her neck from the shots they were able to fire back a her.

“This is not over. Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear.” She sounded like an infatuated robot glorifying its master. “I will not betray him. You will— You…!”

Benezia tightly shut her eyes grimacing, and when they re-opened, a great-hearted spirit twinkled.

“You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions. Briefly, but the indoctrination is strong.”

Suspicious, Jane asked, “Why are you able to break free from his control _now_?”

She had sealed a part of her mind away from the indoctrination, saving it for a moment when I could help destroy him. She explained people are not themselves around Saren. Idolizing him. Worshipping him. Doing anything for him. The key is his flagship, Sovereign. An extraordinarily powerful dreadnought of incredible size. She doesn’t know how he got it, but its technology is advanced far beyond any alien race to build. The longer one spent on the ship, the more Saren’s will seemed correct. Just as what happened to her.

Saren sent Benezia to find the location of the Mu Relay which she tookfrom the Queen’s mind. Saren believed that with the Mu Relay he would be able to find the Conduit. To make all her actions right, Benezia gave Jane the disk of information, which she had already transmitted over to Saren. They needed to hurry and catch up to him.

Benezia hastily took steps back, hands clenching her head.

“You have to stop…me! I can’t— His teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine. You should— Ugh, you should—“

“Mother!” Liara cried, running up, but Jane put her arm up to stop her. With Saren in her mind, Benezia’s too unpredictable. “Don’t leave! Fight him!”

With a tear flowing down her cheek, Benezia granted her child last few loving words. “You’ve always made me proud, Liara.” A mauve glow surrounded her as she yelled, “Die!”

In a heartbeat, Benezia fell to the floor. Kaidan pulled the trigger to take out the Matriarch. Liara wouldn’t be able to, and Jane was occupied with holding her back. He had to. The only option. Benezia would never be herself again if they let her live.

A period of quiescence followed. With a subtle hand signal, Jane asked Kaidan to take Liara to the docking bay and radio Joker to pick them up. They were done here. Jane just had one loose end to tie up.

The Rachni Queen.

It was acting peculiar. Her broad antenna touched the glass of her capsule, searching for Jane. Jane placed her hand against the glass. Reverberated words ran through her head.

“ _The children we birthed were stolen from us before they could learn to sing. They are lost to silence. The needle-men stole our eggs from us and sought to turn our children into beasts of war. Claws with no songs of their own. Please. End their suffering.”_

_“How am I able to understand you? In my mind?”_  Jane responded telepathically.

“ _You sing the same colors as we do. Children of the universe. A true lover of all forms living and non. You have been granted a gift from the galaxy with an unknown origination.”_

_“I…don’t know what think about that. But you actually want me to kill all the rachni in the lab?”_

_“They cannot be saved as they are. It is…lamentable. But necessary. Do what you must.”_

Jane’s cognitions led her to accept the Rachni Queen’s wishes. A mother would not want to see her children suffer and be used as tools. The Queen spoke again.

“ _Before you deal with our children, my kind stands before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more? You have the power to free us or return our people to the silence of memory.”_

_“I won’t destroy an entire race. I refuse to have that blood on my hands. You’ll go free. You’ve done nothing wrong to us. Now is your chance to atone for past mistakes.”_

_“You will give us a chance to compose anew?” the Queen asked baffled yet grateful. “We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children.”_

Jane overrode security on the console and initiated the capsule’s release. The capsule elevated into the level above via a platform as the Queen sang her indebted gnarl. Jane then called forth the VI to purge the labs of all traces of the young rachni to complete her end of the agreement to the Queen.

Jane’s mind returned to her on the docking bay where she must’ve unknowingly been staring off the entire time, because the Normandy had already docked. Kaidan approached and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She nodded and turned away to board the ship. Her comrades followed in dead air, a complete absence of speech or sound.

“No debrief meeting today or conference with Council, Joker,” she told him heading to the cockpit. “It’s a been a tough one. I'm going to my quarters to type up the mission report. Make sure everyone gets it.”

“Understood, Commander.”

Jane did an about face and caught sight of Liara walking through the CIC, heading towards the crew quarters in the back. Jane desperately beckoned for Liara to turn and look at her. Just for a second. She waited as Liara took step after step. No sign just yet. She stopped right before Jane would lose sight of her. Jane held her breath. Would she turn around?

She didn't.


	8. Virmire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane lands on Virmire to quickly be thrust into trouble, confrontation and an eerie scene.

_A dense fog rolled over the curving dirt road. Jane couldn't see her hands in front of her face. The weather was numbingly cold, and she was bare of any proper warmth. Her armor felt heavy even without her guns. She stalked forward, carefully placing one foot in front of the other, the gravel shifting under boots. The further she walked, the warmer it became._

_The blanket of fog began to dissipate revealing a never-ending field of pink and white flowers. Jane knelt down and picked up a flower from its root. She ran a gentle finger over a petal. Under her touch, the flower gradually turned gray and dry, the wind carrying the crumbling remains away. She smelled smoke and looked over in the distance where the red-orange sun bled over the horizon catching the field on fire, viciously making its way to Jane. She turned to run, but the air was a viscous syrup, and Jane couldn't move fast enough. The flames ate everything in its path, and the smoke gradually asphyxiated her lungs. Her breaths became shorter. Her vision blocked with thick smoke._

_She fell onto all fours and heard whispers around her. They weren't clear around the crackling of fire. She felt the blazing heat kissing her skin. She was dripping sweat. There was no way out. The sun exploded before her, and a rapid release of energy crushed her._

Jane reached for an ounce of air from her sweat-soaked bed. The nightmares had been away for a while, but recent missions must've awakened the dark beast that brought them upon her at night's rest.

She opted for a long hot shower, but the nightmare kept playing over and over in her head. The incoherent whispers repeating itself. Something that didn’t make sense. A lot of things don’t.

_You sing the same colors as we do_ , the Rachni Queen had telepathically communicated to Jane. How was she able to do that, she wondered. The mystery kept her up last night, but then pushed everything out of her mind. It didn’t matter now.

“Commander. The Council patched through an urgent message.”

“Okay, I’ll check it in a second. Thanks, Joker.”

While she dried her hair, she pulled the message up on her omni-tool, a random activity she engaged in last night. She downloaded the manual to set it up and played around with its features.

_Commander,_

_We received word that a salarian reconnaissance team on Virmire has information about Saren. However, the message was unclear, and we fear the team is in danger. Please look into this matter urgently._

Jane sent Joker a message to get them to Virmire ASAP. In the meantime, she needed to fuel up.

“Shepard! I’m glad you’re here!” Tali chirped setting her tray next to Jane at breakfast.

“I’m glad to see you smiling again. So to speak. Uh, hear you smile?” Jane replied in jest.

“I’m sleeping much better now. I guess I’m getting used to how quiet your ship is.”

“You don’t say? I couldn’t sleep last night. A loud rumbling came from the women’s quarters. Sounded like a dying elcor. Thought the windows were going to break,” Garrus joked.

“You mean Tali snoring? Didn’t think that little quarian had it in her to get that loud,” Wrex guffawed, followed by laughter from the rest of the crew. If they could see Tali’s face, she’d be blushing.

Everyone was there at breakfast besides Liara. Ashley decided to bring it up.

“Has anyone seen T’Soni?”

“She’s been locked away in the med bay. Doesn’t seem like she wants to talk,” Kaidan answered.

“Shepard, you should talk to her. About her mom. She has to be hurting.” To not make it seem like she was telling her commanding officer what to do, she shrugged, “Just saying, skipper.”

But everyone already knows why she said that, including Kaidan and Garrus. It’s obvious the two have feelings for each other, though things have been weird since Peak 15. Over the last couple of days, Jane spent more time down in the cargo bay with Ashley and Garrus.

Jane picked up her tray and threw away what was left. Neither she or anyone at the table said a word.

She found herself outside the door to Liara’s office. Her hand raised ready to knock.

_She said she wanted time. Would this be an exception? Or would I seem like an asshole for giving her the time she asked for and not checking up on her?_

Jane knocked twice before opening the door. Liara turned to see who had entered. No expression on her face at the sight of Jane. She sighed and pushed herself away from the computer.

“If you are here to talk about Benezia’s death, you need not bother. She brought it upon herself,” she stated simply. No pain visible in her voice. Jane would fight to bring her real emotions to the surface.

“But she was your mother.”

“She was…but she was not.” Liara struggling to maintain the monotony. “I prefer to remember Benezia as she used to be before she was corrupted by Sovereign’s power.”

“The best of your mother lives on in you: her determination, her intelligence, her strength. Your dashing good looks.”

The corners of Liara’s lips turned upwards slightly.

_Finally._

“That is kind of you to say. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Benezia chose her path, just as I have chosen mine. I am with you until the end, Shepard,” she said, placing a hand on Jane’s shoulder. Jane put her hand on top of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“If you need anything. You know where to find me.”

Liara nodded appreciatively and turned away to get back to her desk. She watched as Liara began to type steadily on her keyboard.  Jane had such a sense of protection over her, to ensure the safety of the sheep in a world of wolves.

Jane headed to the cockpit to get an ETA from Joker.

"We're about 5 minutes out.” A pause. "Uh, Commander?"

"What's wrong?"

"We're touching down on that salarian basecamp, but we're getting a message from their captain that we've been grounded. He said he'd explain once we got down here."

"Why the hell would they ground us? We're here to help. Get everyone ready in the cargo hold. I'll meet them at the camp in a few minutes."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

On the ground, Ashley and Kaidan we are already talking to the salarian captain near his tent further up on the beach. The area’s notably empty for a base camp. Not nearly enough soldiers around to run an operation. Maybe salarians ran things differently.

According to Captain Kirrahe, they had just landed in the middle of a hot zone. Every gun tower within ten miles has been alerted of their presence. They were currently waiting for reinforcements. Kaidan broke the bad news. They _are_ the reinforcements. Kirrahe was severely annoyed at this.

Kirrahe and his men found Saren's base of operations here on Virmire and lost a lot of men doing so. To everyone's amazement, Saren's been using the facility to breed an army of krogan. Wrex trampled over.

"How is that possible?"

"Apparently, Saren has discovered a cure for the genophage,” Kirrahe answered him.

"The geth are bad enough. But a krogan army...he'd be almost unstoppable," Jane spoke up.

"Exactly my thought. We must ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed."

"Destroyed? I don't think so," Wrex hollered. "Our people are dying. This cure can save them."

"If that cure leaves this planet, the krogan will become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again."

Deeply offended, Wrex stomped forward towards the captain and jabbed his finger into his chest. He gritted through his teeth, "We are not a mistake!" He stormed off.

Kirrahe stepped away as well into his tent with his officers, now worried about the fuming krogan. Her crew was huddled nearby sharing apprehensions about Wrex.

"Looks like things are a bit of a mess," Kaidan commented.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for Wrex. He looks like he's going to blow a gasket," Ashley continued. "It wouldn't hurt to talk to him. Well...it might actually. Just do it carefully."

"We'll be watching out, Shepard. Just in case," Tali declared protectively.

"I'll be careful."

A gunshot blew through the air. Everyone's heads snapped towards the edge of the beach where Wrex shot into the water. Realizing that he’s just blowing off steam, the salarian soldiers holstered their guns, not wanting to antagonize the raging krogan. Jane coolly walked over to Wrex, sure not to give away any sign of uneasiness. She has to remain confident.  Wrex shot one more bullet into the ocean and stared into the distance.

"This isn't right, Shepard. If there's a cure for the genophage, we can't destroy it."

"I understand you're upset," she began compassionately. "But we both know Saren's the enemy here. He's the one you should be angry with."

"Really?" he scoffed, side-eyeing her. "Saren created a cure for my people. You want to destroy it. Help me out here, Shepard. The lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand."

"This isn't a cure. It's a weapon. And if Saren is allowed to use it, you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will," she reasoned.

"That's a chance we should be willing to take. This is the fate of my entire people we're talking about," he argued, getting close to Jane's face. "I've been loyal to you so far. Hell, you did more for me than my family ever did. But _if_ I'm going to keep following you, I need to know we're doing it for the right reasons," he said, pulling a gun to Jane's head. She didn't flinch. Everyone back down the beach reached for their guns, but she gave them a discreet hand signal to stand down.

"Wrex, these krogan are not your people. They're slaves of Saren. Tools. Is that what you want from them?” she persuaded. His hand tightened around the gun and stared hard into her eyes. Jane watched his red amphibian eyes jump around her face, examining every detail and asking himself if he could trust this human to make the decision for the salvation, or demise, of his people. With his gun still steady on her head, he outwardly spoke his thoughts.

"We were tools for the Council once. To thanks us for wiping out the rachni, they neutered us all. I doubt Saren will be as generous."

He paused trying to come to a conclusion. Jane felt the cool metal of the gun lift off her forehead.

"All right, Shepard. You made your point. I don't like this, but I trust you enough to follow your lead. Just one thing. When we find Saren, I want his head."

"Deal," she smiled and shook his hand.

Her crew down the beach were shockingly silent, in awe that she was able to reason with Wrex, and with a gun firmly planted on her head no less.

Kirrahe walked back out of the tent with his officers and briefly spoke to Jane. After hearing the plan, Jane noted, “It's a good idea, but your people are going to get slaughtered.”

Kirrahe knew the risk but accepted it. He also needed one of her men to accompany them. To help coordinate the teams. Eager to impress, Kaiden stepped forward, "I volunteer, Commander."

"Not so fast, LT. Commander Shepard will need you to arm the nuke. I'll go with the salarians," Ashley fought.

"With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it's not your place to decide," he bit back.

"Why is it whenever someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean 'kiss my ass'?"

"Enough! Williams, you'll accompany the captain. I need Alenko for his bomb expertise. No heroics, understood?"

"Aye, aye, Commander!"

After a speedy mission brief, Jane assigned Garrus and Wrex to come along with her, Kaidan and the rest back on the ship to cover him whenever it’s time to unload and set the bomb.

"Well, this is it," Ashley said, coming up to join Jane and Kaidan. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, LT. You too, skipper."

"We'll be fine. You'll see," Kaidan groaned.

"Yeah, I just..." she choked. "Good luck."

"Is there something you want to say, Chief?" Jane asked. Ashley isn’t one to show softness so readily.

"I don't know. It's just weird going under someone else's command. I've got used to working with you...all of you."

"Don't worry. We'll see you on the other side," Kaidan said assuringly.

"I know. I, ah... It's been an honor serving with you, Commander."

_Why is she saying this as if we'll never see each other again? If she fights like I know she can, we'll all come out of this alive._

Ashley joined up with Kirrahe's forces as they headed out first. She trailed behind the salarians. Something compelled Jane to keep watching. The way her childhood friend talked made her paranoid and concerned. Ashley must've felt her gaze because she turned around and gave her a reaffirming grin. Everything shifted to her nightmare.

_The flower in Jane's hand gradually turned gray and dry, the wind carrying the crumbling remains away. The whispers are clear but still unfinished._

_"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?"_

_"The most beautiful ones."_

Jane blinked hard, and Ashley was out of sight.

_What the hell was that?_


	9. Until We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane finally understands the meaning of her vision after the events on Virmire.

 "Can you hold them off?" Jane asked Kaidan. He paused. Jane, Wrex and Garrus had stopped halfway across a bridge on their way to save Ashley. She was pinned down at the gun tower. Jane _had_ to save Ashley. That stupid nightmare with the flower popped into her mind and knotted her stomach.

"There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here," he admitted candidly. "I'm going to activate the bomb."

"What the hell are you doing, Alenko?" Jane was fuming.

"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what." A distant beeping sounded through the radio.

The mission had been going well so far. Kirrahe’s team kept the geth busy, so Jane’s squad didn’t have to worry about taking out geth and krogan. The squad came to the second level of the facility where the beacon was kept in a secret lab. Jane didn’t think she’d ever see one again. Experience the stand-still moment of watching the Earth’s destruction. But there it was. Unlike the beacon on Eden Prime, this one didn’t explode. Though, these visions didn’t tell her anything more than the first ones. The trio sped off to go help Kaidan at the bomb site, receiving a distress call from Ashley soon after.

"It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."

_Didn't I fucking say no heroics?_

"Screw that!" Ashley yelled. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko."

Jane's heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest, being pulled in different directions. She has to pick between two of her closest friends. Whoever is left behind would be led to their death. How is she supposed to make that kind of decision? The anxiety’s overwhelming, but there’s no time to panic. That damn nightmare makes all the sense now.

"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site."

"Yes, Commander. I..." he drifted off.

"You know it's the right choice, LT." Ashley remained strong, knowing what the Commander's decision meant.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I had to make a choice," Jane apologized, choking on her own words.

"I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing," she spoke without a hint of resentment. Ashley’s a soldier through and through. Not afraid to make sacrifices or be sacrificed for the good of the mission. The squad backtracked over the bridge to save Kaidan and the rest of the crew that had stayed to cover him. The geth were over the site like ants on a sugar cube. The three extra guns were definitely needed to hold the line. What was left's of Kirrahe's men made it to the rendezvous point and joined the fight. The enemy forces began to wither down when Jane heard a roaring blast coming her way. She jumped out of the way and looked to see who shot at her.

Saren marched towards her.

_There you are, you bastard. I always knew it'd come to this._

"I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here, Shepard. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."

"Why are you doing this?" Jane asked him.

"You've seen the vision from the beacons. You, of all people, should understand what the Reapers are capable of. They cannot be stopped." He paced as talked. "The Protheans tried to fight, and they were destroyed. But what if they had bowed before the invaders? Would the Protheans still exist?”

"Do you really believe the Reapers will let us live?"He shook his head, disappointed that she doesn’t understand his objective. "Sovereign's manipulating you, and you didn't even know it!" she remarked.

"No! Sovereign _needs_ me. If I find the Conduit. I've been promised a reprieve from the inevitable. This is my only hope! Shepard, the visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join with them." His eyes bore a hole into her head with a deep hatred. "You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation. And for that, you must die."

He grabbed Jane by the throat and dragged her over to a ledge. He held her over the open air, planning to let her fall to her death. She peeked down at the long drop down into the abyss of the mountains, sensing gravity inviting her to the earth. The squad tried to come to her rescue, but more geth crawled out of the cracks and kept them at bay.

The bomb countdown alarm blasted through the facility, distracting Saren. She sucker punched him right in the nose causing him to release his grip. She fell right at the edge, one knee on, the other off. She scurried further inland and reached for her gun to finish Saren. But he was gone.

She signaled for everyone to get back to the ship, everyone trying to grasp a weakened soldier to help in while dodging bullets. Jane spotted Kaidan on the floor next to the bomb, worn out and struggling to get up. She attempted to get him up, but his legs wouldn't help support. The siren flashing brighter and getting louder surged adrenaline through her veins. She threw Kaidan over her shoulder in a fireman carry and got him up the ramp before handing him off to Wrex. The bay door closed, and Joker came over the intercom.

"Alright everybody, hang on!"

Everyone was thrown onto their backs, unable to buckle down before blasting off. The explosion was heard from far away. Jane didn't want to think of the bodies that were left behind. Ashley's body. She suppressed the thought. Jane had Wrex help Kaidan walk to the comm room for a debrief and called everyone else to follow up immediately. She directed Kirrahe and his team to the cargo hold to rest.

When everyone was seated, Kaidan didn't wait to express his feelings about the mission.

"I...I can't believe Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there?"

"She was a good soldier. She gave her life to save the rest of us," Jane said solemnly.

"But why save me? Why not her?" he asked rancorously. She’s taken aback by his tone.

"I had to make a choice. I couldn't sacrifice the entire crew and you over just one."

"But she was your best friend! How could we do that? How could you?!"

He’s more enraged now rather than bitter. The squad looked at Kaidan in shock. Was he really talking to his Commanding Officer like that? It’s unlike him. He’s usually the ideal soldier.

"It wasn't my fault. Nor yours. The only one to blame here is Saren."

"I should've gone with the salarians. Then you could've left me behind." Kaidan had wholly disregarded her.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" she asked him, furious now.

"What's the point in me being here? Aren’t I just wasting my time? You obviously don't care for me. You care for Ashley. Hell, even Liara and Garrus over me.”

Ashley voice echoed in her head, _"Didn't I tell you to make your intentions clear to avoid this kind of stuff, skipper?"_

"Kaidan. This isn't the time or place," she hissed.

"Then when is it? Because you're always avoiding me!"

He’s right. Jane knows that she has intentionally avoided him, even with him being easily accessible right outside her quarters. She didn't want to break his heart and ruin their friendship.

"You're out of line, Lieutenant."

He scoffed. "Lieutenant? How formal. And cold. Guess you have to be to kill your best friend."

Kaidan might as well had stabbed her in the heart because the pain in her chest’s unbearable. The tears welling up in her eyes made the room blurry. The ball in her throat wouldn't allow her to utter a sound. She couldn't let anyone see her like this. She sped out, a trail of tears hitting the ground behind her.

"Shit, wait! Jane!" Kaidan called out after her, jumping to his feet.

Wrex stood up a placed a brawny hand on his chest and pushed him back down onto his chair.

"You've done enough."

"How could you say that to her?" Tali asked him. "You bosh'tet!"

Tali couldn't stand to look at him and stormed out, silently followed by Liara who had no kind words to say. Wrex growled at him before heading out himself. Garrus and Kaidan were left alone, stiffly looking at each other. Garrus waited purposely until they were left alone.

"Well, aren't you charming? You sure have a way with women." Garrus crossed his arms and stared, despising the human before him.

"I don't have to listen to what you have to say," Kaidan spat, standing to leave.

"No, you don't," he agreed. "Although, you could've picked a better place to bring this up instead of throwing a tantrum in front of us."

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“I’m not the one who needs an apology.”

"You wouldn't know what this feels like, would you? If anything, you should know where I'm coming from."

"Why would I know?"

"I see the way you look at her. But she's interested in Liara, our young Prothean scientist. You can understand the pain when the person you deeply care for doesn't reciprocate your feelings."

"I can understand that your male ego has bled. What I can't understand is you acting like a pussy when you weren't able to get what you want." Garrus lifted himself off of the chair and casually exited.

* * *

Back in the Captain's Quarters, Jane wiped off the runny makeup that smudged all over eyes. A couple of soft knocks came at her door. She wiped her nose and cleared her throat.

"It’s open!" she yelled from the bathroom.

"Commander?" Garrus' voice called out.

She came out of the bathroom. Garrus could see where the tears streaked and left their trace, winding down her flushed cheeks and falling off at her jawline.

"Garrus. What can do I do for you?"

He chuckled. "After everything that just happened, you're asking what _you_ can do for _me_?"

She shrugged and plopped down on her bed.

"How are you?"

"I'll be fine."

"Jane," he said sternly, sitting next to her.

"It's just... Ashley's dead and Kaidan's blaming everything on me. And him bringing up all those buried thoughts and feelings... I can't process all of this at once. I've been feeling such a weight on my shoulders and it just keeps gets heavier."

"Don't listen to him. Nobody blames you for anything."

"But he was right. I should've said something a long time ago. I could've handled this better. Maybe thing's would've gone differently," she wept. Garrus' heart ached to see his dear friend hurting. No one’s ever seen Jane this vulnerable and somehow that it made it worse for her. She felt that she needed to stay strong for her team. Show no weakness. She’s letting them down.

"Things would've turned out just the same. Not everyone was going to make it out alive. So you don't need to hide your emotions. You lost your best friend for Spirit's sake."

She nodded wiping the tears that continued to pour. Garrus' presence brought oxygen back into her lungs. He had such calming energy to him.

"Commander, there's a comm buoy nearby. I can link us in if you want to report back to the Citadel Council. You know, to warn them about Sovereign," Joker commed in.

"Why bother? They're not going to believe any of this without proof. We'd just be wasting our time," she replied nastily, but not towards him. He knows she’s irritated with the Council. "Just send them the mission report."

"Aye, aye Commander."

Garrus got up and turned to face Jane.

"I'll head out now. Let me know if you need something. I'll be here for you anytime you need me," he spoke warmly. His voice raised goosebumps on her skin.

"Actually... I do have a request if it's not too much to ask."

"Anything."

"I don't want to be alone right now. Would you...stay with me? Just for a little while at least."

"I did say anything, didn't I?"

She laughed softly and scooted back on the bed to lie down. Garrus followed suit. Jane settled into the nook of his arm and draped her arm over his chest. Her eyelids were heavy. Falling into the depths of deep sleep, the whispers and images of her nightmare came around again.

_The pink and white flowers reappeared in full health matching the armor Ashley wore when they first reunited. Ashley stood in the middle of the field. Seemingly out of her own body, Jane watched herself meet Ashley in the center, on the verge of tears again. Ashley was plucking the petals of the flower she had in her hand, her face angelic. The Jane watching the scene knew what was going to happen next._

_"Why do the best people have to die?" Jane asked Ashley wistfully._

_"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?" Ashley asked her blissfully, still plucking the petals._

_"The most beautiful ones."_

_The last petal fell to the ground. Ashley turned to face her best friend._

_"See you later, skipper. Hopefully not for a long time."_

_"Until we meet again, Ash."_


	10. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Council takes away Jane's ship, but her allies rally to make sure she stops Saren.

 

Jane slumped against her locker on the floor. After everything she's done against Saren and his work with the Reapers. For the Alliance. For Udina. For the Council. No one is willing to take her words on faith. Sure, she's the only one who witnessed the visions of the Reapers, and there's no hard evidence, but has she been wrong so far? She was right about Saren's betrayal. She was right about the geth following Saren. Right about his plan of attack on the Citadel. Instead of supporting her, they grounded Jane and the Normandy, putting its systems offline. Were reinforcements to back her up on Ilos too much to ask for?

Liara pieced together Jane’s visions to complete a distress call from the Protheans. A warning against the Reapers. A warning that was now too late. Liara recognized the flashing images of devastation. Liara studied Ilos, a lost Prothean city, during her research and realized why Saren needed the Rachni Queen. The only way to get to Ilos is through the Mu Relay. 

Jane received a fleet from the Council as she requested, but not as she needed it. What she needed was reinforcements to Ilos, but they sent ships to form a blockade around the Citadel to protect it from Saren and his geth. A blockade isn't going to stop his army. But the Council wouldn’t listen or believe her – as usual. Neither would Udina. 

Now she's packing up her locker to settle into an apartment on the Citadel meanwhile she figures out a way to get back to the real mission.

“Commander?” the meek voice spoke. Jane looked up to see Liara’s kindly cerulean face looking down at her. “Jane, I am so sorry they did this to you.”

“I showed them the truth, and they still won’t believe it,” she murmured bitterly.

“It's not right. You did everything they asked for and more! Nobody else could have done what you did! The Council owes you everything. Everything!” Jane tried to ignore the fact that Liara is purely adorable when she gets angry. “Instead they strip you of your command and ground the Normandy.”

“While they sit on their asses, Saren’s searching Ilos for the Conduit. As soon as he finds it, we’re all dead,” she sighed. “I pushed them as hard as I could, but they wouldn’t budge. I’m going to find a way back it. I promise that.”

“I believe in you, Jane. I am with you every step of the way.” She offered her hand to pull Jane up.

Jane took her hand. Liara's stronger than she thought, tugging her up with a great amount of force causing Jane to stumble and fall into her. Liara caught her, hands around Jane's waist. Jane’s hands rested on her shoulders. Their faces are inches away. Liara’s magenta pouty lips are ghosting hers. Liara savored each second, nearing her head towards Jane’s by the centimeter.

“Sorry to interrupt, Commander,” Joker said over the intercom. “You’ve just received a message from Captain Anderson.”

_Shit. Was he spying on us?_

Liara drew away and hid her face behind her hand, keen to Joker’s access to the ship’s public microphones.

“What is it, Joker?” Jane asked aloofly.

“He said to meet him down in Flux.”

“It is probably important. You should go,” Liara said taking reluctant steps away from her. Jane nodded and walked away reluctantly.

* * *

“I wanted to warn you, but there was no way get a message to you before you docked,” Anderson said as Jane eased into the cheap club chair at Flux. “I know you’re pissed off right now, but you can’t give up. We both know this isn’t over. You have to go to Ilos and stop Saren!”

She folded her arms. Anderson made it sound so simple. “There’s only one ship that can get me into the Terminus System undetected, and she’s grounded.”

But that’s why Anderson called her down for a talk. He has a plan. Citadel’s controls locked out all the Normandy’s systems, but if they can override the ambassador’s orders, they can bring the ship back online. They'd be in the Terminus System before anyone would know she’s gone. Jane used her omni-tool to send a message to the entire crew to get back to the ship ASAP. 

Fortunately, Joker was already on the ship ready to go. Even if the Normandy is offline, he wouldn’t abandon her. Joker's with the ship, ride or die. Jane had no doubts that the rest of the crew would come back. Well, almost all of them.

_Kaidan_. Dynamics had been strange between them since the day Ashley died. He never came by to apologize, and Jane had nothing to say to him if he wasn’t going to. Communications were cordial and professional, but no personal chats or small talk. He even moved his workstation to the floor level above in the CIC. 

Everyone's aboard and accounted for. Jane would wait just a couple more minutes to see if he would come, but as soon as Joker got the signal from the Captain, they were going to leave. With or without him. She gazed down at the loading dock, hoping he would soon appear. Sure, they aren't friends anymore, but it would mean a lot to Jane if one hundred percent of the crew had her back since the beginning.

She entered the ship and slid into the co-pilot's chair, carefully watching the control panel with Joker – coveting the light to turn green with their stare. A swift  _whoosh_ came from the ship's entry door. 

"Kaidan," she said under her breath, a smile following suit.

"Weren't going to leave without me, were you?" he smiled back.

"We were hoping not to."

"Listen, Jane." He took careful, calculated steps towards her. "I owe you a way overdue apology. I'm...sorry. For everything I said. That wasn't the way to discuss my feelings, but I just want you to know that it doesn't change the way I feel about you."

She opened her mouth to reply, but not a sound could produce before Joker interrupted with the news.

"Commander! We got it!" Joker exclaimed. Jane and Kaidan rushed to the control panels. The green light is on.

The engines quietly rumbled back to life, and the Normandy jetted off to the Mu Relay.

_I’m coming for you bastard._


	11. Azure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara makes an unexpected visit to Jane's cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: semi-explicit sexual asari content.

 

"Jane? May I speak with you?" Liara asked, catching Jane before she entered her quarters. This had been the most Jane had seen Liara in a long time, including their encounter earlier in the day. A rubber band effect. Liara vacillating between being close and pulling away. Allowing herself time to feel hungry for Jane's presence and body, and then eventually come springing back.

"Of course. Come on in."

Inside, Jane leaned against her work desk, heart speeding, but tried to harness control.

"I do not know what is going to happen on Ilos. I hope we will stop Saren, but a part of me fears we are already too late." Liara timidly fiddled with her hands.

"It'll be okay, Liara. We  _will_ stop him."

The gorgeous asari placed herself a couple of paces in front of Jane, her face burning a deep indigo indicating her discomfiture.

"There is something I must tell you, in case we fail. These could be our last moments together. Our last chance to show each other how we feel." Another step forward. "I want this to be special."

"I want to, Liara. I do. But are you sure you're ready? I know you wanted to wait."

No, she doesn't want to make the seductive piece of alien flesh second-guess her decision - relationship or sex – but it wouldn't feel right if she isn't all in.

Liara squeezed herself in between Jane's legs, hands caressing her upper arm. Her gaze is dark and predatory.

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Will you join with me, Shepard? Let our bodies and minds unite?" _._

"Just tell me what to do," she inhaled sharply.

Liara captured her mouth in a deep soulful kiss. They broke away after a couple of long seconds.

"Relax, Jane. Embrace eternity." Liara's pupils dilated, her eyes growing black. In union, Jane's eyes also turned dark and, at this moment, they merged into one nervous system – on the same plane of thoughts and feelings. They had melded consciousness before, but that was only to share Jane's memories. But now, Jane felt and knew every deep wanton behavior Liara wanted to make a reality – unlike anything she experienced before. Liara jerked Jane back in. The kiss is unrestrained and passionate. Jane fondled Liara's breasts over her clothes searching for her nipple, already hardened and poking through her uniform. She circularly traced around the area with her thumb.

A moan drew deep from Liara's chest, her legs trembling by the sexual contact. Liara reached back and gripped Jane's rear end, filling up as much of her in her hands as she could, further igniting the fire of lust. Without breaking contact, Jane walked her back to the bed and laid her down. She climbed on top and kissed a trail from Liara's collarbone to her jawline enthusiastically, making her way back to the asari's sweet lips. She undid the buttons along the front of her uniform that locked away Liara's naked shapely body from her lascivious jade eyes. Jane's mouth found its way to her breast tips, placing the stiff indigo nipples between her teeth, applying slight pressure. The mixture of pain and elation caused a soft whimper to escape Liara's lips.

Liara's body is restless underneath, pleading for more. Jane felt the greedy hunger between them, unsure whether it was coming from herself or her partner. Sharing cognitions created an extraordinary, exciting sensation. Apparently, Liara felt it too, as she rolled over to be on top, her hands swiftly pulling off Jane's shirt over her head. Jane wasn't wearing a bra at the time, so her bare breasts were exposed to open air that brushed over her naked top half. Liara's gaze swept over the pink pebble nipples and her mouth went straight for her supple cleavage, licking down along her soft breasts to her flat stomach until she reached the edge of her pants. Her azure hands unbuttoned Jane's pants and helped to remove them.

Their carnal time together was becoming an endless blur where nothing else existed. The pressure of catching Saren or saving the galaxy - gone. Just the pleasure of surrendering all insecurities. The heat between the two lover's bodies.

She needed this.

* * *

"By the Goddess! That was incredible," Liara said breathlessly, lying naked next to Jane in bed.

"It was," Jane smiled, stroking Liara's cheek with her knuckles.

"Five minutes ETA to the Mu Relay," Joker called over the comm system, indirectly requesting the Commanding Officer. Liara threw the sheets off her body and sat up, suddenly sinking back into her comfortable diffidence.

"I had better go. Duty calls. You would not want to keep Joker waiting."

Silently agreeing, Jane dressed back into her clothes. The Liara anxiously pulling her uniform back on was a completely different person than the Liara who had spent the last hour in her bed. Who she had just laid with is ravenous and impulsive. Who Jane is escorting to the door is calculating and reserved. Impressive that such contrasting characters lived in her. Before she would leave, Liara spun around, a sudden important thought coming to her.

"Jane? Whatever happens on Ilos, I just wanted to say...thank you." She pecked her cheek. "For everything."

Jane waited a couple of heartbeats to head out after Liara, careful not to stir up anything before this mission to stop Saren. She needed everyone to be focused. Jane made her way up the stairs when hurried steps caught up with her. She snuck a side-eyed glance at her new companion.

"Vakarian. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, nothing," he responded with a mischievous tone.

"I don't think I like where this is going," she muttered.

"Tell me, Shepard. When it was all said and done - moaned and done? Did she say 'by the Goddess'?" he asked imitating Liara's angelic voice. Her eyes widened.

"How'd you know?"

"I'm insulted, Commander." He overplayed his mock offended reaction. "Don't you know I'm highly intelligent, observant, and not to mention, strikingly handsome?"

She couldn't stifle a laugh. "Spit it out, Vakarian."

"Liara's buttons were mismatched on her uniform. Almost as if she were frantically dressing under a time limit."

Her faced burned. "Ah, great. Don't you dare mention this to anyone."

"Easy, Commander. My mandibles are sealed."

They continued their trek to the cockpit, Jane doing her best to regain her composure. On her pale skin, any ounce of flush appeared vibrantly on her face. She hoped not to cause too much of a scandal, but she trusted Garrus to keep things quiet. He stepped in as her closest friend to console her about Ashley's passing, and drinks were usually involved. God knows that Kaidan wasn't going to try after their confrontation in the comm room. Jane figured the two could be there for each other after all they'd been through and as close friends of Ashley. Unfortunately, he decided that they should each handle it on their own.

Jane and Garrus joined the rest of her squad at the front just in time for Joker to make the jump to the Mu Relay. Though the jump through space was successful, their arrival was ambiguous.

"Uh...Commander?" Joker piped up, his eyes still skimming over his control panel. "We've got company."

"Have their sensors picked us up?" she asked from behind him.

"Stealth systems are engaged. Unless we get close enough for a visual, they won't have any idea we're here."

"Alright, take us down. Lock in on the coordinates," she ordered.

"Negative, Commander," Kaidan responded from the co-pilot's chair. "The nearest landing pad is two clicks away. We'll never make it in time if we have to go the rest of the distance on foot. There's nothing closer."

"Drop us in the mako, then," she told Joker.

"You can't pull off a drop like that! There's not enough open terrain," Kaidan argued.

"The descent angle's too steep," Tali added, in a less combative voice than Kaidan's.

"It's our only option!" Liara proclaimed.

"It's not an option!" Kaidan bit back.

_Guess there's still some sour feelings lingering._

"It's a suicide run! We don't-"

"I can do it!" Joker blurted.

"Joker?" With just a repetition of his name, Jane asked if it was possible.

"I can do it!" he insisted. All she needed was his word.

"Vakarian, nar Rayya. Gear up and head down to the mako. Joker – drop us right on top of that bastard!" Jane commanded running off with Garrus and Tali to the cargo bay.

_Time to finish this._


	12. The Final Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle between Jane & Saren ensues on the wreckage of the Citadel.

_Too late. Goddammit._

Embers of Citadel's destruction swirled around the squad. They're in awe of what a difference a couple of minutes did. It's nothing close to the posh and luxurious government facility the Citadel once was. Burning ruins covered the area. Alarms are shrieking. Dead bodies scattered along every line of sight, scalded by the fires and trapped under broken buildings. Sovereign sat on a towering spire above, ready to perform its deed of destruction. Now here they are, standing across from Saren, face-to-face in the Citadel Council Chambers.

All she had to do was follow Saren and thought she still had time.

Not enough time however.

Saren had already beat her to the Master Control Terminal in the Council Chambers, closing the arms of the Citadel to prevent the blockade forces outside from coming in. Saren greeted them with a grenade which they agilely dodged and hid behind half-walls.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard."

"In time for what?" she shouted over, still squatting in cover.

"The final confrontation. I think we both expected it would end like this. You've lost. You know that, don't you? In a few minutes, Sovereign will have full control of the Citadel's systems. The relay will open. The Reapers will return."

"I still got a few tricks up my sleeve!"

He scoffed. "You survived our encounter on Virmire. But I've changed since then. _Improved._ Sovereign has...upgraded me," he spoke grandiosely.

Sovereign had sensed his previous hesitation and implanted him, dissolving all of Saren's doubts – and any true trace of his real person – to believe in Sovereign completely.

"Join us, Shepard, and Sovereign will find a place for you, too," he offered. He's insane, that was for sure, but Jane had to try to talk to sense into him. The real Saren could still be living inside the brainwashed vessel.

"Sovereign's controlling you through your implants! Don't you see that?"

"The relationship is symbiotic. Organic and machine intertwined. A union of flesh and steel. The strengths of both, the weakness of neither. I am the vision of the future, Shepard. The revolution of all organic life. This is our destiny. Join Sovereign and experience a true rebirth!"

_Yup, he's definitely lost his shit. I have to try...just one more time._

"Sovereign hasn't won yet. I can stop it from taking control of the station. Step aside, and the invasion will never happen!"

"We can't stop it! Not forever!" He roared, exasperated that she couldn't see what he did. "You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful."

Defeated. He sounded absolutely crazy but also defeated. Jane could appeal to that. That hint of vulnerability could only be Saren.

"Some part of you must still realize this is wrong. You can fight this!"

"Maybe you're right. Maybe there is still a chance for...unh!" Saren clawed at his head, howling in burning agony. Sovereign produced a head-splitting pain in the former turian Spectre to compel him to follow the plan. "The implants... Sovereign is too strong. It's too late for me. I'm sorry, Shepard..."

Jane immediately recognized crushed expression, similar to Benezia before she died. Jane ran out of cover, but the gun was already at his temple, blowing out the side of his head. Blue blood sprinkled over her face. Saren's body dropped off the platform, falling through the glass arboretum underneath.

She couldn’t save him, but the threat is gone. She bolted for the control panel transferring data of the disk that Vigil gave her to get full control of all systems. As the tech expert, Tali took the lead on trying open the Citadel's arms and access a communication channel to alert the fleet to take Sovereign down once the arms were open. Jane caught half of a distress call.

" _...the Destiny Ascension. Main drives offline. Kinetic barriers down forty percent. The Council is on board. I repeat, the Council is on board!"_

_"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you, Commander!"_

"I'm here, Joker."

Jane heard him release a breath of relief over on the speaker on the control panel. "We caught that distress call, Commander. I'm sitting here out here with the entire Arcturus Fleet. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the arms of the Citadel, and we'll send the cavalry in!"

Garrus is quick to put in his two cents.

"Are you willing to sacrifice human lives to save the Council, Shepard?"

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign is a threat to every organic species in the galaxy!" Tali disputed. Garrus hated bureaucratic strategies. It didn't make sense to give up firepower for a couple of figureheads.

"The Council must be sacrificed for the greater good. Don't waste your reinforcements. Hold them back until the Citadel arms open up. Save the human fleet to attack Sovereign."

"What's the order, Commander? Come in now to save the Ascension or hold back?" Joker asked.

An angel and a devil sat on either side of her shoulder. The angel telling her to save the Council. The devil telling her to sacrifice them. The Council never listened to Jane. If they had, maybe this all could have been prevented. The devil tugged at her, saying that they brought them upon themselves. The angel told her to forgive and forget. The figureheads are going to be needed in the future. Saving their lives would be quite the bargaining chip to hold over their heads in the future.

"Opening the relays now, Joker. We need to save the Ascension – no matter what the cost!" she commanded.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard..." Garrus murmured disgruntled.

_I hope I know what I'm doing, too._

The Citadel arms opened, and while the Alliance handled things up above, Jane crept the edge of the platform looking down at Saren's body that laid like a bloody rag doll on a pile of decorative boulders.

Over her shoulder, Jane told Garrus, "Make sure he's dead."

Garrus, followed by Tali, clambered down and shot Saren a couple of times in the head. The first one to make sure he was dead. The second just for kicks.

"He's dead," Tali radioed above to Jane.

As they turned to leave, considering the mission complete, an eerie familiar air surrounded them. Saren's body suddenly started to twitch and light up with ruby electrical charges. Saren's empty husk began to take form. All meat disintegrated – only bones coming to life. She knows this feeling anywhere. Sovereign's here. Inside Saren. Jane scurried down the debris to reach her squad mates in the arboretum. Not another damn soul will be taken from her.

Blazes of gunfire shot at the nimble skeleton of Saren. Sovereign transformed him into some pliable, four-legged hellhound, jumping from wall to wall. At this rate, they were just wasting ammo shooting at random spots trying to get him into their scopes. Vexed at the senseless gunfire, Jane decided to try something.

"Guys, back him up into a corner."

"On it, Commander," Tali acknowledged.

In the meantime, Jane pulled out ammo modification she bought from her shopping spree on the Citadel. She exchanged the shells in her shotgun for cryo rounds. Tali and Garrus had done what she asked, so she steadily aimed in a spot that Sovereign's puppet seemed to be jumping into repeatedly.

_One shot, one kill._

Saren's body jumped into the perfect spot, and in almost slow motion, she squeezed the trigger. Adrenaline rush. She felt the artic recoil blow on her face as the cryo ammo left the barrel. Successful shot. The meatless figure halted in its place, stuck in a fitted frosted casing. Just as they had worked together harmoniously on the Mako, Garrus knows it's time to take his shot. His sniper rifle aimed right in between the eyes, shattering their enemy in an instant kill.

Sovereign's death on land reflected his real body above. The fleet was able to save the Council aboard the Ascension ship and move in on the Reaper with all they had. Though still alive, the hit on Sovereign from Jane and her squad had a monumental effect on him, causing him to release his grasp on the spire above. Taking advantage of the belly side up Reaper falling to its doom, the fleet concentrated all its power to the vulnerable area exposed. Sovereign was decimated in a grand explosion, like fireworks.

At the quake of victory from above, the squad looked up to catch the view of the fragments of Sovereign rain down crashing through the ceiling of the Council Chambers. Jane whipped her head to Tali and Garrus, eyes big with worry.

“Move!”

* * *

 

Joker never received a response back from the Commander after the fall of Sovereign. He traced the signal back to the Master Control Terminal and forwarded it to Captain Anderson. A search party was at the Council Chambers in minutes. Soldiers lifted mounds and mounds of debris desperately inspecting each piece of rubble for a sign of life. Captain Anderson's eyes jumped from corner to corner of the area that had been set ablaze, smoke occupying every molecule in the air.

"Captain Anderson! We've found them! They're in here."

He sprinted towards a cave where a soldier shined a light in the dark cavity. He crouched in and offered his hand to help them out. Tali stumbled out first, limping with an injured leg.

"Take it easy...it's over. You're safe now," he assured them.

Garrus came out holding onto his side. Anderson waited for one more.

"Where's the commander? Where's Shepard?" he asked them. Neither peeped a sound. They both turned their gaze to a hunk of Sovereign's leg burrowed into the ground along with other massive shards of wreckage. Anyone standing under that would've been crushed. Anderson didn't need words to tell him what happened to her.

Anderson helped the two survivors into a shuttle to head back to the ship when he heard uneven, speedy steps. He squinted into the distance at a sliver of metal rustling. A final push knocked the scrap structure to the ground from which Jane emerged, holding her arm close to her chest.

Garrus darted to meet her and pulled her into a tight hug, careful not to touch her broken arm. She squeezed him back with her one free arm. He had never been this close to her before. Never felt her warmth in his arms. Or her scent flow through his nose, flooding his senses with a euphoric sensation. Not for another second did he want to feel the way he did when he thought she was gone forever. An unbearable cocktail of anger and sadness. No chance to say goodbye. But now he didn’t have to.


	13. Back from the Dead

  _"Oxygen levels depleting at a faster than normal rate. Please reconnect to oxygen supply immediately."_

Jane frantically tried to grasp the tubes on the back of her armor that came undone in the blast. Her body’s growing cold and weak as she floats through space. Her life and mind fleeting as she tries to reconnect the oxygen tank back to her helmet, but she can’t reach. On the edge of death, she doesn’t have an ounce of life left as she watches the smoldering remains of the Normandy drift alongside her in a scorching heat in the weightless envelope of space. Space’s vacuum forced the last breath out of her deflating lungs. Her soul’s heading towards the distant light above. Jane watches, through a blurry view of her closing eyes, the last emergency escape pod eject from the cockpit.

_At least I was able to save one more life. Damn, this wasn’t the way I thought I’d die._

* * *

 

“Wake up, Commander,” a faraway female voice with a strong British accent yelled. Her body rocked furiously from side to side. The woman called to her again, louder this time and more clearly.

“Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now — this facility is under attack!”

Jane forcibly opened her eyes, her vision slowly coming into focus. She blinked rapidly at the stark white ceiling above, and medical and surgical equipment surrounding her bed. Gradually, she dug her way out of the dense sinking feeling of grogginess. Alarms are blaring blatantly. “Your scars aren't fully healed, but I need you to get moving!”

Jane sat up, much to her displeasure. A piercing, breath-taking ache radiated to every muscle and bone. The casing of her skin is tight, firm, and stiff.

_Fuck. Where am I? I thought I was dead. Did the Alliance come back for a rescue? No... This doesn’t look like an Alliance base._

“There’s a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!” the woman ordered urgently. Jane jumped out of bed. Bad idea. She dropped to her knees, buckling under her own weight but she scurried back up. Strange how her own body felt foreign — as if only half of it actually belonged to her. Jane found the gun in the locker just as the woman said.

“Someone’s hacking security trying to kill you. Just keep moving. We need to get you to the shuttles.”

The unidentified woman navigated Jane through the spaceship, keeping an eye on her through the security cameras on the base. She continued forward cautiously.

“Shepard! Security mechs are closing in on your position. Take cover.”

Jane’s basic functional movement may be off, but her shooting is still second nature. Hacked mechanical security robots tried to take her down, but she took them out clean with headshots. Jane took an elevator one floor down where she encountered more hacked mechs and jubilantly took them out with a grenade launcher she happened to find. Through the next area, Jane awaited the woman’s next instructions. She doesn’t want to trust a voice from the heavens so easily, but in an unknown place, she has to take her chances.

“You’re doing… —Shepard, head to the… —meet you…” Static. “Shepard? —read me? I’ve got... —closing in… — position.”

Dead air.

_Shit. Guess I got to keep moving without her._

The longer Jane’s in this, the more she feels her body coming back to her. Still, she felt incomplete.

Jane met Jacob along the way who was surprised to see her up and about.

“I know this isn’t the best time for twenty questions,” she told Jacob as bullets flew over their heads, “but I’m sick of stumbling around when I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Fair enough. I’ll give you the quick version. You and your ship were attacked and destroyed. You were dead. Dead as dead can be when they brought you here.”

As if he heard her question in her mind, he resumed. “Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You’ve been in comatose, or worse, that whole time. Welcome back to your life.”

_Two years?!_

One question answered produced hundreds more. But their time’s running out. They took out this next heavy round of mechs in a couple of minutes. Jacob being a biotic helped end the battle quicker than just gunfire.

“How bad were my injuries?” Jane couldn’t help but ask, even in this situation. Jacob answered as he led her down a passage.

“I’m no doctor, but when I first saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes.” Her heart skipped several beats and her stomach twisted. She wondered how in the hell is this possible. “Anywhere else they’d have put you in a coffin. But Project Lazarus was different. Cutting-edge technology.”

“Project Lazarus, huh? Were there other test subjects?”

Jacob chuckled under his breath. “Project Lazarus only had one test subject. The whole point was to bring you back. Just you. Even that was a challenge. All the top scientists and technology money could buy. Two years of non-stop hard work to bring you back as you were.”

"Jacob! Shepard! Down here!" A bald man in the same black and white uniform as Jacob was leaning against the wall in the next room, holding an injured leg. "Bastards got me in the leg."

Jacob crouched down to apply medi-gel to his leg, enough to get him up again.

"Thanks, guys. Never thought you'd save my life, Shepard. Guess that makes us even now." Wilson was Miranda's assistant in Project Lazarus, a helping hand in Jane's resurrection. "I thought maybe I could shut down the security mech. But whoever did this fried the whole system. Completely irreversible."

"We didn't ask you what you were doing," Jacob noted suspiciously. "Why do you even have security mech clearance? You were in the bio wing."

"I came here to try and fix this. Besides, I was shot! How do you explain that?" Wilson defended. Jane didn’t trust him. His story isn’t adding up right.

"You're all strangers to me. Let's get someplace safe, then we'll sort out whose fault it is," Jane declared.

"Right. We need to find Miranda. We can't leave her behind," Jacob agreed.

"Forget about Miranda. She was in the D wing. The mechs were all over that sector. There's no way she survived," Wilson argued.

"A bunch of mechs won't drop Miranda. She's alive."

"Then where is she? Why haven't we heard from her? There are only two possible explanations: she's either dead...or she's a traitor!"

"Then why did she wake me up and warn me about the attack?" Jane challenged.

Wilson scratched the back of his head. A sweat drop slid down his face. He’s hiding something. Jane’s sure of it.

"Okay, maybe she's not a traitor. But that doesn't change the facts. We're here, she's not. We need to save ourselves. The shuttle bay isn't far."

"Shepard, this is getting tense," Jacob said. "If I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

"This really isn't the time," Wilson groaned.

"We won't make it if she's expecting a shot in the back."

"If you want to piss off the boss, it's your ass, Jacob."

He proceeded anyway. The Lazarus Project, the program that rebuilt you...it's funded and controlled by Cerberus."

Disgust overcame her. How could an organization like that be the one that brought her back from the dead? Jacob attempted to convince her that Cerberus had changed. After all, they’re the ones that spent a fortune to bring her back. Not the Alliance. The Alliance gave up and declared her dead. His point is solid.

"I'd be suspicious too if I were you, but I thought you deserved to know what's what. Once we're off the station, I'll take you to the Illusive Man. He'll explain everything. I promise."

"Illusive Man?" she sneered. "Is he in charge of all this?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "That's not his real name, of course. Nobody knows who he really is. It was a code name the Alliance used for him. Kinda stuck."

"I don't care what they did or what you say, but I'm not working with terrorists," she stated.

"You can tell it to the boss. But after we've saved our butts. Come on."

They all jogged towards the shuttle bay, destroying more mechs along the way until they reached the entrance door. Wilson put in a code on the door, and as the door lifted, a dark-haired woman with piercing blue eyes was waiting for them.

"Miranda!" Wilson exclaimed. "But you were–"

Gunshot to the head and Wilson fell back on the floor. Lifeless. Jane immediately pointed her gun at Miranda.

"Dead?" she finished.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jacob asked wide-eyed.

"My job. Wilson betrayed us all," she answered.

"Even if you're sure, did he deserve that welcome?" Jane asked, gun still firmly pointed at the smug woman.

"He sabotaged the security systems, killed my staff, and he would have killed us."

"You sure about that, Miranda?" Jacob questioned. "We've known Wilson for years. What if you're wrong?"

"I'm never wrong. I thought you'd have learned that by now, Jacob."

_She's quite the self-satisfied woman, isn't she? But she saved my life. And gave it back to me. I think I can trust her. For now._

Jane holstered her pistol. "If you say so. What's our next step?"

"We get on the shuttle and go. My boss wants to speak with you."

"You mean the Illusive Man? I know you work for Cerberus."

Miranda turned to Jacob with a raised eyebrow and odd smile. "Ah, Jacob. I should've known your conscience would get the better of you."

 "Lying to the commander isn't the way to get her to join our cause."

"Well, Shepard, since we're getting everything out in the open, is there anything else you want to ask before we go?" Miranda asked.

"I'd prefer to get my answer from the man himself. Let's go. I've had enough of this station to last a lifetime."

Miranda smirked. "Or two, in your case.”


	14. The Normandy Reborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Illusive Man reunites Jane with familarity from her previous life.

 After witnessing the video footage of the Collectors on Freedom’s Progress, Jane agreed to help Cerberus and use their resources to stop the abduction of human colonies.

_If this is a war, I'll need an army. Or a really good team._

The Illusive Man took care of that for Jane. He compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries, creating dossiers on the best of them.

But she doesn’t want his list. She wants her team back – the people she can trust. Even so, she can’t ignore the fact that two years have passed, and everyone thinks she’s still dead. They've moved on or changed their allegiances by now. The Illusive Man confirmed her intuitions and very well did his research.

Kaidan’s still with the Alliance, now promoted, but intel couldn't provide her with any more information on him. His files are surprisingly well-classified. Too well for Cerberus to get anything additional on him.

Wrex returned to Tuchanka trying to unite krogan clans and regain their former glory. Jane won’t interfere with such an imperative cause.

Jane attempted to recruit Tali on Freedom’s Progress already committed to her people and current objectives, so she’s out.

Given Jane's relationship with Liara, the asari would surely join her, right? But the Illusive Man didn't trust her. She’s now working as an information broker for the notorious Shadow Broker on Illium. Anyone tied to the Shadow Broker is a suspicious character.

Garrus. Her last hope, but it instantly vanished when the Illusive Man told her he disappeared a few months after her death, unable to locate him. A burning sense of worry blew through her, creating a knot in her throat and a racing panic in her heart. She can only imagine where he's run off to. Jane hoped he’s just on some deep undercover operation. That’s the best-case scenario. The only one that would put her at ease.

So there. Her crew’s unavailable. With no other option, Jane has to do her best to get a capable team ready while the Illusive Man continued to track the Collectors.

"Two things before you go," he said. "First, head to Omega and find Mordin Solus. He's a brilliant salarian scientist. Our intelligence suggests he may know how to counteract the Collectors’ paralyzing seeker swarms."

"Sounds good. And the second thing?"

Under the shadows, she made out his devilish smirk. "I've found a pilot I think you might like. I hear he's one of the best. Someone you can trust."

He ended the transmission and disappeared. Staggering, dragging footsteps came from behind her.

"Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

* * *

"I can't believe it's you, Joker," she said breathlessly as she followed him to the Cerberus ship hangar.

"Look who's talking. I saw you get spaced."

"Got lucky, with a lot of strings attached. How'd you get here?" she asked as they climbed a set of stairs, Joker struggling but not obviously in pain. He looked excited.

"It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. Team was broken up, records sealed, and I was grounded. The Alliance took away the only thing that mattered to me,” he spoke sourly. Flying the Normandy was his life, his love. The aching daily trek from his quarters to the helmsman chair was worth it as long as he could navigate a ship. He stepped up to a large, wide window with no view of anything but a blanket of blackness. "So hell yeah, I joined Cerberus."

She leaned forward on the handrail, searching through the dark for whatever Joker wanted to show her. "You really trust the Illusive Man?

"I don’t trust anyone who makes more than I do," he joked. "But they aren't all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly. And there's this."

He pushed some buttons on the console at the window. One by one the lights switch on, casting a brilliant, heavenly gleam on a black and white spaceship, marked with golden streaks and the Cerberus symbol.

"They only told me about it last night. It’s good to be home, huh, Commander?"

"Welcome to the Normandy," Jacob welcomed her as they toured the ship together with Miranda. Joker went straight to his chair, powered by a juvenile eagerness that was unable to wait a moment longer to play with his reconstructed beloved.

 Jane looked around in awe. It appeared to be the original Normandy itself, only modernized and more streamlined. And obviously bigger in size. A peculiar nostalgia.

"I've been looking over the dossiers," Miranda began. "I'd strongly recommend starting by acquiring Mordin Solus, the salarian professor on Omega."

"Acquiring the professor seems like the most logical place to start," a synthesized female voice spoke. Jane scanned the room for the origin of the voice.

Unable to locate, she asked, "Who are you?"

On a small display platform, an indigo holographic sphere lit up. Horizontal lines blinked as she spoke.

"I am the Normandy's artificial intelligence. The crew like to refer to me as EDI," the sphere answered.

Jane was introduced to the Normandy’s artificial intelligence, EDI, and her functions on the ship. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that exactly. Additionaly, Yeoman Kelly Chambers, a peppy red-haired woman with a side swept bob cut, was assigned as Jane's administrative assistant to handle her messages and to monitor the crew.

Much to Jane’s delight, another acquaintance is on the Normandy. She reunited with Dr. Chakwas in the med bay. All their lives, the two women had been loyal and dedicated to the Alliance. Strange to find themselves aligned with someone else.

"Final preparations for takeoff complete, Commander. When you're ready to go, just pick a destination in the CIC and I'll plot the course!" Jane could feel Joker’s fiery spirit over the intercom. She met him in the cabin as he spun around in his chair gleefully.

"Can you believe this, Commander?" The grown bearded man cheered like a child. "It's my baby! It fits me like a glove! And leather seats! Military may have set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they could care less if the seats breathe."

"The reproduction is not intended to be perfect, Mr. Moreau. Seamless improvements were made," EDI spoke as she popped in on the terminal next to Joker's station.

"And there's the downside," he sighed. "I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this thing I don't want to talk about. It's like ship cancer."

Jane chuckled. "Just enjoy it, Joker. If we're stuck here, we might as well let them pamper us. Look at how they built the Normandy. They have serious credits to spend."

"Well, this is my favorite 'You have no choice!' choice ever. Commander, can we shut this thing off?" He gestured towards EDI with his thumb. "I don't need it in my day-to-day."

"We're stuck with it, Joker. Sorry."

"Maybe I can cross some wires in here somewhere to make it hurt."

"No sabotage. Understood?" she told him, shaking her head.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't break the boss' toys," he muttered, more towards himself as a reminder. It was good to have her comic relief back. Intense happiness struck her. She wished for familiarity. She received Joker, Chakwas, and the Normandy. It’s a hell of a good start.


	15. Echoing Gasp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane goes through an unpleasant flashback.

 

Jane grabbed a seat in the co-pilot's chair and settled in next to Joker on their way to Omega. She took a deep breath and looked out the window into the star-speckled space.

"I just keep remembering the old Normandy and the trouble we got up to,” she said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, those seem like the good old days now, but come on. It was hell at the time. Geth, Saren, Sovereign. And then we got dumped. We're stuck in a weird place, sure, but back then it wasn't all sunshine and bunnies."

Even though she already received the information she was going to ask for from the Illusive Man, she wanted to hear it from the lips of someone she trusted.

"What happened to the rest of the old crew? I heard most survived."

"Most did. XO Pressly didn't," he frowned. "The rest of us sort of just drifted apart. The Alliance didn't care. I don't think they liked all the non-humans in your crew. We were _your_ team, Commander. With the Normandy destroyed and you gone, there wasn't much keeping us together."

She gazed off into the astral distance wondering if any of her old crew were looking at the same stars she was right now. Garrus, in particular, popped up in her mind. She may not have been able to have her crew back, but at least she knew that they’re alive and active. But not knowing where Garrus is and what he’s up to birthed a twisted, aching feeling.

"And Commander. I want to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" She raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "For what?"

"You died because of me."

"Joker, don't –"

"Commander, I'm not good with this mushy gushy stuff. So just...accept my apology and let's move on to saving the galaxy...again."

Jane nodded and her mind transferred to the destruction of the Normandy.

_Jane slid on her helmet, the oxygen rapidly escaping through the gaping hole the enemy ship had busted in._

_"Shepard!" Liara cried out through the fire from the blast as Jane assisted the remaining crew into escape shuttles. "Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate. And I'm not leaving either. Not without you!"_

_Jane shook her head, somewhat expecting this out of him. The Normandy was his love. He couldn't leave her behind._

_"I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker."_

_"Shepard..." Liara began, about to plead._

_"Liara. Go," she commanded firmly. "Now!"_

_"Aye, aye," she acknowledged quietly and ran off to the nearest shuttle, helping struggling crew members in. The vacuum created in ship through the hole was starting to pull Jane out of the ship. She activated the magnetic feature for her boots to stick to the floor. She tactfully made her way through the CIC, the magnetic boots weighing her down as if she were walking through quicksand._

_"Mayday, mayday, mayday!" Joker shouted over the radio, attempting to send a distress beacon. "This is SSV Normandy. We're suffering heavy damage from an unknown enemy."_

_At last, Jane reached the cockpit. Joker’s hands in a frenzy were desperately activating each security and countermeasure to save the ship._

_“Hold it together. Come on, hold it together!” he yelled at his ship. At least he had put on his oxygen mask in the middle of all the chaos._

_"Come on, Joker! We have to get out of here!” she shouted, grasping onto his shoulder to hold onto, the suction of the vacuum beckoning her presence._

_"No! I won't abandon the Normandy. I can still save her!" The heartbreak was distinct in his voice._

_"The Normandy's lost. Going down with the ship won't change that,” she reasoned. His hands froze in its place, and his head hung._

_"Yeah...okay. Help me up,” he groaned. The radar began blaring alarms before either of them moved an inch. “They're coming around for another attack!"_

_They had to move. Now. Jane gripped his upper arm, hauling him over her shoulder._

_“Ah! Watch the arm!"_

_Breaking his bones was the least of her worries. This wasn’t a time for clemency. She practically threw him into the escape pod attached to the cockpit, securely buckling him in. A violent quake from the enemy’s next attack knocked Jane off her feet, the magnetic boots releasing from the floor and sending her flying away. An amber laser beam ripped through the cockpit between the shuttle and Jane. The force of non-gravitational atmosphere pulled her away further and further from salvation._

_"Commander! Shepard!" Joker screamed. A last burst of explosive force threw her out into celestial space, where she would take her last breath. Alone with only the dead pieces of the Normandy alongside her._

"Uh, hello! Earth to Commander!" Joker called to her. Jane came back to real time with a sharp, ragged breath, gasping for air. The asphyxiation of the so terrifyingly vivid again.

"You're acting super weird right now. More than usual," he shrugged.

She cleared her throat. "Sorry. Apology accepted, Joker. Just know that I wasn't holding anything against you."

He nodded solemnly, still full of guilt. It doesn’t matter now. She’s awake. She’s alive. She may have been gone for a while, but it isn’t over. Blood flows through her veins. Oxygen runs through her lungs.

"I should go get ready. Let me know when we're close."

"Aye, aye, Commander.”

Jane took the elevator up to her cabin to look over the dossiers the Illusive Man drew up. Her first objective is to recruit Mordin Solus on Omega. Two other recruits are also located on Omega: the Veteran and Archangel.

"The Veteran: Zaeed Massani," she read aloud on her computer. "The most feared mercenary and bounty hunter in the galaxy. Expert in personal, small unit combat. Known for a willingness to get the job done – no matter the cost. His services have been retained by Cerberus at extremely high cost. He is waiting pick up on Omega."

She opened up the other dossier.

"Archangel. Small-unit tactical expertise and noted sniper. A mercenary commander whose operations are noted for their technical and strategic brilliance. Responsible for high-profile attacks on Omega gang leaders."

_A mercenary vigilante on a world ruled by gangs. Interesting combination._

Jane went to the restroom to wash her face. The cool cleansing water felt just as it did before. The blood in her veins are just as full as they ever were. She still feels pain. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes caught her attention. Bright emerald eyes – the same as she always had. Jane would look the same if it weren’t for the glowing orange scars all over her face. A side effect of incomplete cybernetics reconstruction as she was awakened earlier than planned.

The longer Jane gazed at herself, the stronger an inexplicable feeling of excitement overcame her. It has to be Omega. Maybe it’s the thought of finally getting back in action? She isn’t sure, but she has a good feeling about Omega. It's been two years – Jane’s prepared to fight. To sin again.


	16. Archangel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pleasant surprise is in store for Jane as she comes through for Archangel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer than normal chapter for my delayed upload. Enjoy!

“I hope you’re ready. Archangel’s been annihilating you freelancers,” the Blue Suns soldier said after landing at the meeting point in a grungy open area. Jane had successfully recruited Zaeed Massani and Mordin Solus. Now all that was left was Archangel, and according to Aria T’loak, he didn’t have a lot of time left. Jane, Jacob and Miranda were all transported to the setup area outside of Archangel’s base in the Kima District.

Amusing and colorful mercenaries of all shapes, sizes, and species dawdled around waiting for their next command. To Jane’s keen eye, they didn’t look like they could shoot a krogan up close with a shotgun if their lives depended on it. Barricades had been set up on the far end of the area where mercenaries hid in cover, shooting across the long stretch of concrete.

“EDI, can you check if there are any alternate ways to get to Archangel?” Jane asked through her comm link.

“Shepard, I’ve scanned the area, but I am unable to plot any other paths to Archangel,” she reported back.

“Guess we’re going with the mercs,” she groaned.

Sergeant Cathka was hunched under the gunship making repairs. The sergeant looked up when he noticed Jane coming towards him, dusting himself off.

“Ah, so you’re the one everyone’s been mentioning. You’re just in time,” he said, skillfully holding a cigarette in the corner of his batarian mouth. “They radioed you’d be coming. You three stand out from most of the other freelancers…”

His tone wasn’t suspicious but sanguine at the fortitudinous humans before him. Maybe they’d be finally able to keep Archangel occupied long enough to complete the everlasting job.

“The infiltration team is about to give us the signal. Archangel won’t know what hit him!” he chortled mischievously. “Got any questions? This may be your last chance.”

Jane didn't have the chance before the radio on Cathka’s workbench tuned in.

“ _Target is in sight. We’re a go.”_

Cathka sprinted over to the scattered mercs in the holding area and commanded, “Bravo team! Go, go, go!” A large number of loose soldiers grouped up and climbed over the barricade all at once as Cathka returned to finish the repairs post haste.

“That’s a lot of mercs going in this wave. Doesn’t look like Archangel’s got much time,” Jacob observed.

“Well, let’s not wait around too long,” Miranda replied.

All three slipped their helmets on before jumping over the barricade and pulled out their weapons. In the small amount of time that passed, half of the mercs have already fallen to Archangel’s lead. Their bodies never even made it halfway across the lengthy bridge. Along the distance, Jane could see that there's absolutely little to no coverage. Sure, a crate here and there for cover, but Archangel' vantage point makes them inoperative. Calculating where fatal bullets originated from, Jane pinned his location from the bird’s nest he set up on the second story of the concrete building. They have to make their move on the mercs promptly to show Archangel they aren't here to kill him, or else they'll end up just like the others.

“Come on. We’ll give these guys a surprise of our own,” Jane smirked, feeling a thrill that made her stomach tight. It's the first time she's felt psyched to fight since her revival.

Two mercs jumped over the barricade from behind them. Jacob and Miranda took them out with a slight move with the butt of their guns to their foreheads. Jane sniped down a few of the freelancers in front of them as they moved forward cautiously, testing the distance they could go to see if Archangel would shoot them down.

_Nothing yet. Alright, let’s go a little further._

Though, the thought may have come too soon. A hard shot struck her in the shoulder. She glared up at Archangel through her tinted helmet. He seemed to be giving her a… shrug? The black and blue armored sniper squatted back down into cover.

_Concussive round… He doesn’t want me dead. I believe we just came to an agreement…_

Her squad progressed to the halfway point where Jane killed another merc, but not before he managed to scream, “She’s with Archangel!”

The advancing soldiers twirled around at the warning and redirected their ammo to Jane, but Archangel did them a solid and took them out in a tactful sweep.

Once across the bridge, they entered the concrete building. Though unremarkable on the outside, the fortification of his base was astounding on the inside. Archangel’s hideout is too big for him alone. She wondered how many squad members started with to have them housed in such an expansive dwelling. No wonder he was such a threat to all top mercenary groups in Omega.

She climbed the staircase up to the second floor to find the infiltration team working on welding through the locked and barricaded metal door. Too distracted with their efforts, they didn’t have a chance to see who put a bullet through the back of their heads.

The door clicked — Archangel’s signal that they could come through. Jane motioned for Jacob and Miranda to holster their guns and take off their helmets. They need to demonstrate that they aren't a threat. To him at least.

“Archangel?” she asked as they rounded the corner. He didn’t respond. He was still in the middle of a shot, looking through his scope as he patiently waited for the perfect moment to shoot down the last freelancer. Jane visually scanned over the vigilante sniper. The shape of his helmet suggested he's a turian with the pointed tip at the back of the head to accommodate for their feather fringe. At the thump of the body dropping to the ground down below, Archangel pushed himself up from his crouched position using his rifle as a crutch. The drawn-out battle between him and the mercenary groups weathered down the paladin of Omega. Archangel removed his helmet as he rotated to meet his accomplices. Jane’s chest pounded in a hummingbird heartbeat. The blue distinct facial clan markings on the turian’s face. It can't be anyone else.

“Garrus!” Jane exclaimed airily. His eyes softened as she ran towards him, catching her in his arms. She nuzzled into Garrus' chest as he held her tighter, resting his chin on the top of her head. Jane couldn’t explain or reason with the instinctive feeling that surged through her, but this felt so right. Jacob and Miranda stood back and let the two have their dear reunion.

“Jane,” his strained voice struggled to say. “You were gone...”

“Are you okay? What’s going on here?” she asked him muffled, cheek pressed against his cold armor.

“I’ve been better,” he exhaled. “Just keeping my skills sharp with a little target practice.”

She lifted up her head up to look at his face. The moment's too unreal for Jane to believe. Garrus pressed his forehead to hers. His cool voice and warmth of his touch on her skin sent shivers down her spine. It felt like eons since the last time she was able to look into his cobalt eyes and take in his scent.

“You nailed me good down there by the way,” she commented, keeping the position locked. They've never had such intimate contact, but this felt so natural, and Jane wanted it to last.

“Concussive rounds only. No harm done. Didn’t want the mercs getting suspicious.”

“Uh huh,” she smiled.

“You were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving,” he explained playfully.

“So, Archangel—”

He chuckled bashfully. “Please. You know it’s just Garrus to you.”

“Heh. What are you doing out here in Omega?”

Garrus's body stiffened, and he broke their forehead to forehead contact, placing his hands on her shoulders to stare into her jade eyes. Jane yearned for his touch as soon as it left.

“You don’t remember?” he whispered. Her eyebrows raised, puzzled and worried.

“Remember what?”

His gaze bounced back and forth between her eyes. _Does she really not remember_ , he thought. But she genuinely expressed confusion at his words. If that's the case…if he imagined everything — No… Garrus didn’t imagine it. Jane had actually visited him from the afterlife. She just couldn’t remember it now for whatever reason. If so, then he’d have to let her figure it out on her own. It wouldn’t be fair to force those moments on her. Jane would have to conjure those memories on her own. When she's ready.

Garrus reluctantly released her and rested on the edge of the nearest couch. Jane’s face seemed pained from his withdrawal so suddenly. Nevertheless, they both know they need to get back to business. After all, they're still holed up in a base with an unknown amount of mercenary forces waiting to kill them all.

“I got fed up with the all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel. I figured I could do more good on my own,” he explained wearily. “At least it’s not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do is point and shoot.”

Trying not to let the complex turn of events phase her, she asked, “How’d you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus System?”

“It wasn’t easy. I _really_ had to work at it,” he replied lightheartedly. “I am amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me.”

Jane’s face broke into a faint grin. She's glad after all he’s been through, his sense of humor is still fully alive.

“Well,” she sighed, “we got here, but I don’t think getting out will be as easy.”

“No, it won’t,” he agreed. “That bridge has saved my life…funneling all those witless idiots into scope. But it works both ways. They’ll slaughter us if we try to get out that way.”

Miranda and Jacob rejoined the conversation, the topic now relevant to them.

“So we just sit here and wait for them to take us out?” Miranda questioned incredulously.

“It’s not all that bad. This place has held them off so far. And with the three of you…” Garrus stopped mid-sentence to walk back over the open window he'd previously been shooting from. “I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances.”

Jane followed him to stand by his side, observing the bridge area. He snuck a glance at her from the corner of his eyes. _Just as she was before_ , he thought. Her green eyes radiant as ever; her tussled locks fiery; her porcelain skin's luminous with the hint of a dusty rose on her cheeks; her faced marked with the scars on her upper lip and eyebrow. She even did her makeup the same. But there are orange marks over her face, and presumably, over her body. Additionally, her recollections aren't all there. Jane's lips parted to speak.

“How’d you get yourself into this position?”

“My feelings got in the way of better judgment,” he responded defeatedly. “It’s a long story. I’ll make you a deal: you get me out of here alive, and I’ll tell you the whole damn thing.”

“Deal.”

“Indeed. We better get ready. I’ll stay up here. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You…you can do what you do best. Just like old times," he said dreamily.

* * *

“You’re kicking ass, Shepard. They barely touched me,” Garrus complimented as they regrouped back on the second floor. “And we got their leader, Jaroth, in the process. I’ve been hunting that little bastard for months.”

“We’ve still got Blood Pack and Blue Suns left. Think we can make a break for it?”

“Maybe. Let’s see what they’re up to.” Garrus peered through his scope to check the status. “They’ve reinforced the other side…heavily. But they’re not coming over the bridge yet. What are they waiting for?”

Just as he finished, an alarm rang and a force quaked the entire building.

“What the hell was that?” Miranda yelled. Garrus immediately turned on his omni-tool and pulled up the security system for the base.

“Damn it. The Blood Pack breached the lower level. Well, they had to use their brains eventually. You’d better get down there, Shepard. I’ll keep the bridge clear.”

“Let’s split up two and two — keep one of my team here.”

“You sure? Who knows what you’ll find down there.”

Jane paid no mind to his concern. He needs all the help he can get in his current state.

“Jacob, stay with Garrus. Keep him alive,” she ordered with fierce intensity. Jacob quivered for a split second before saluting his Commander. Neither Jacob or Miranda exactly know their whole backstory, but one thing's for sure, there's a great love between the two.

Jane and Miranda went down to the basement level to seal off the three metal shutter doors that accessed the underground tunnels Garrus and his vigilante team used to covertly navigate Omega. When they came back up, they found the first floor infiltrated by a mass amount of pissed off krogan mercenaries. Jacob accompanied them down below while Garrus kept his ground on the second floor to snipe down the enemies from afar. One hulking krogan, Garm the Blood Pack leader, was the most stubborn of them all to fall, fueled by his fiery hatred towards Archangel. Unfortunately for him, Archangel had back up, so no one was going near him. Not with Commander Shepard around.

“Tough bastards, but I’ve seen worse,” Garrus called down below to them. “And we took out Garm and his Blood Pack. This day just gets better and better!”

“Only the Blue Suns are left,” Jane told him once she climbed back to the second floor. “I say we take our chances and fight our way out.”

“I think you’re right. Tarak’s got the toughest group – the Blue Suns – but nothing we haven’t faced before,” he noted, keeping Saren and Sovereign in mind. “Besides, he won’t be expecting us to meet him head on and—”

“Archangel!” a very enraged, throaty voice yelled. The clamor of an engine roared through the base. Everyone looked out the window where a blinding light shone on them. Tarak, the Blue Suns boss, was now flying the gunship Sergeant Cathka had been fixing and pointed his guns in their direction. “You think you can screw with the Blue Suns?!”

Tarak shot rapid firing bullets that knocked Garrus onto his back, where he briskly flipped over and crawled behind cover. The other three took cover nearby, timing the pause between his flurry of ammo so they could take a shot at the gunship.

“This ends now!” Tarak shouted. Garrus peeked his rifle out of cover for just a couple seconds to take out the gunship once more, but Cathka installed some upgrades to the flying vehicle. A blazing missile emerged from the ship’s barrels. Next thing Jane knew, Garrus is bleeding on the floor, his flesh smoking from a direct hit to the face.

“Garrus!” Jane shrieked. She ran out of cover but was shortly balked by another burst of gunfire. Jacob and Miranda diverted Tarak’s attention elsewhere so Jane could get to Garrus. Once at his side, she tenderly picked his head up and held him in her hands. No reaction to being moved. He didn’t seem to be breathing either. Flustered and panicked, she messily applied medi-gel to his face, head, and side of his neck, her hands smothered in the menthol smell of the medi-gel and iron of his steel blue blood. The missile only grazed the right side of his face and neck, but it was enough to scald it to a third-degree burn.

Miranda and Jacob ripped Tarak and his fly ship apart with their biotics and ran to Jane's side.

“Come on, Garrus,” she begged in a cracked voice. “Wake up!”

As if Garrus heard her from the distant light he was drifting off to, his eyes popped open, and he wheezed in a blood-filled gulp of air. She lifted his head up slightly so he wouldn’t choke.

“We’re getting you out of here, Garrus! Just hold on!” she cried. Turning to Jacob and Miranda, she yelled, “Radio Joker and make sure they’re ready for us!”

“We better hurry. He looks bad,” Jacob stated as Miranda urgently called for Joker.

“Stay with me,” she whispered to him, pressing her forehead against his. His glassy eyes caught hers and hooked her in the despair and pain he was feeling. Salty tears trailed down her cheeks and dripped from her chin. Jane hated losing anyone close to her, but losing Garrus… She didn’t know if she could survive that.


	17. Promise to a Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane receives a message and makes a promise.

 

Last night's sleep was wasted rolling around in bed over a million times. Jane's eyelids were practically glued to the top of her forehead as her mind ran in circles about Garrus. Could Dr. Chakwas save him? How long until he’d wake up? Would he wake up? She hadn't been allowed to see him since they rushed him into the med bay yesterday after extracting him from Omega. He’d been in intensive care so long she figured she’d get some shut eye to force time to pass, but the sandman wouldn’t come to send her off to sleep. Not only the ambiguous and moribund status of Garrus' future decayed her mind, but also the pestering feeling of her “something missing”. Jane thought she found the missing part of herself on Omega with Garrus, but the void is still present. Minutes turned to hours as she willed herself to get a least a couple winks of rest..

Now at 0600, she waited on Jacob's report from Dr. Chakwas in the briefing room. The expression on Jacob’s face when he entered was not promising.

"Commander, we’ve done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit." A ghostly hand seized and squeezed Jane's heart. "The doc corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but—"

The door _whooshed_ open and Jane just about broke into tears, but flashed a sly grin instead.

"Shepard," Garrus' cool voice said. Majority of the right side of his head was bandaged, yet the raw, tender flesh from his burns peered from underneath. The uppermost part of his armor is broken, battered, and charred from the direct blast. The golden eagle insignia on his arm that marked him as the notorious Archangel is sparkling and spotless.

"Tough son of a bitch," Jacob chuckled in amazement. "Didn't think he'd be up yet."

Garrus sauntered in, right back to his normal self. "Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

"Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face-paint on there, and no one will even notice," she quipped. Garrus let out a hearty laugh before he winced in pain.

"Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan..."

Without a word, Jacob dismissed himself after saluting his commander. After observing their interactions on Omega, Jacob assumed they needed the solitude to communicate comfortably.

"Cerberus, Jane?" Garrus asked with grim discontent. "You remember those sick experiments they were doing?"

"Of course I remember. Trust me. Those labs were the first thing that came across my mind when I realized it was them. That's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus. If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side."

"You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too. Heh. Just like old times," he stated amused. Garrus doesn’t know exactly where Jane has been or where she’s heading, but he knows one thing: wherever she’s going, he’s going to be there at her side. Maybe him being around would help return her lost memories. "I'm fit for duty whenever you need me, Jane. I'll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries."

Before Jane gave him the chance to leave, she spoke up, "Garrus. We still need to talk."

"Hm, yes, you're right. But not in here." Garrus took notice of all the possible breaches in the room for their conversation to be overheard. "You know where to find me."

* * *

Jane received a message from Anderson wanting her to visit him in his office on the Presidium. He was the human councilor now.

The Citadel beefed up security since Jane was last here. Jane, Garrus, and Miranda had to pass thorough protocols before she was allowed to enter Citadel premises. They each complied with a full body scan and background check. Jane found her results to be pretty comical. C-Sec scanners marked her as dead, causing the officer on duty to act like a blubbering fool. Obviously, he hadn't run into a situation like this before.

The security checkpoint led into the Zakera Ward of the Citadel. For the most part, the Citadel seemed back to normal operations. Garrus did make it a point to state that nothing’s changed on the Citadel – in the way that it’s still the same crime infested place it was when he left.

Jane headed to the shuttle sky car service when a peculiar video advertisement panel grabbed her attention.

_“Commander Shepard. Enter the password and receive a free gift!”_ Jane cautiously approached the ad screen where a hooded silhouette appeared, erasing the previous video game promotion. _“Got problems with collectors? Try Kasumi’s Credit Services! Please tell me your password, Commander Shepard,”_ the female voice requested.

“Silence is golden.”

Enter: Kasumi Goto, the galaxy’s best thief. Cerberus showed up on Kasumi's radar when word had gotten out that they were looking for her to join Jane on her mission. They offered her a serious signing bonus and help with a mission of her own, so Kasumi made the deal.

The video advertisement abruptly switched back the video game ad when Kasumi's voice came from above. Everyone turned their attention to the overheard level where she'd been watching and feeding her image to the screen the entire time.

“We should probably wrap this up. You look pretty silly standing there talking to an advertisement. See you on the ship, Shepard." Kasumi disappeared under an invisibility cloaking device.

"I've got to get me one of those," Garrus commented.

"For what? To sneak into the girls' locker room and watch them change? Pervert," she retorted.

"Come on, Shepard. I'm much classier than that. I was thinking of using it to get into strip clubs for free."

* * *

Jane's reunion with Anderson was warm and friendly but overshadowed by affairs that needed to be taken care of. The Council called a meeting after hearing of Jane's revival and "unsettling rumors" of her work with Cerberus. As soon as she mentioned the involvement of Reapers, the Turian Councilor immediately shut her down. They refused to recognize the existence of Reapers. Without evidence, they boiled it down to Saren being the mastermind of the geth attacks.

As much as she wanted to project her profound hostility towards them, she needed to stay in their good graces for invaluable Spectre resources. Reluctantly, they offered to reinstate her Spectre status as long as she stayed out in the Terminus Systems.

Mustering all the cordiality she could, Jane agreed respectably. Neither Jane or Anderson could deny that the meeting went better than expected. Even if the Council's offer was purely symbolic.

While Jane was here with an Alliance official, she asked about Kaidan. Though the Councilor understood her concern, he couldn't disclose anything about him because of her ties with the extremist pro-human organization. As much as he trusted Commander Shepard, Anderson couldn't trust Cerberus.

At times, Jane found herself disgruntled with the way people looked at her. Innately, she never cared what people thought about her before. The abhorrent looks she’s received started to chip away at that. Being linked to Cerberus was like having an infectious disease. No one wanted to touch her or her mission with a ten-foot pole. Discouraging yes, but Jane isn’t risking her life for them. She’s doing this for humanity, and in turn, the galaxy as a whole.

Back on the Normandy, Kasumi settled into one of the observation rooms near the crew quarters. Garrus and Miranda returned to their respective posts. Jane followed them to the crew deck.

 “Got a minute now?” Jane said at the doorway of the main battery door.

“Sure. Just checking the weapons systems. You can never be too careful.” Jane moved closer to the him, leaning on the nearby handrail. “I thought I’d seen every weapon in the galaxy in our fight against Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise. And now Cerberus rebuilds the Normandy with a few upgrades to boot. I wish we’d joined up with them sooner.”

Jane’s blatant indisposition displayed all over her face as she frowned. “We haven’t joined them. They’re funding our mission. That’s all.”

Garrus raised his hands defensively. “Relax, Jane. Just a figure of speech. Speaking of Cerberus…”

Garrus didn’t have to finish his sentence. Jane explained as much as she could, but even that wasn’t much.  She died with the Normandy after a Collector attack and woke up in a Cerberus facility. Cerberus funneled an unknown amount of resources to bring her back to life, just as she was. The same Commander Shepard that defeated Sovereign. The Illusive Man presented her with the new Normandy and a couple of her old crew members, but with much of her old team unavailable, she’s back to the recruiting process and Garrus just so happened to be on her list. That was pretty much the gist of it. Garrus was understanding and assured her that he’d be by her side – no matter what. Jane’s heart leaped at his unquestionable loyalty. Then she asked her questions. How did he end up fighting mercenaries on Omega?

Garrus was frustrated with C-Sec after the mission and intrigued by the lack of red tape on Omega. Omega was full of thugs kicking the helpless. Garrus formed a team of twelve to kick back, but they weren’t out to get rich. Every member of his team had lost someone to Omega’s gangs so he and his team mainly ran on hope for fuel.

When she asked how he lost his team, Garrus turned away from her. Too ashamed to want to see her reaction as he told her how it all went down. How a turian named Sidonis tricked him into leaving the hideout so mercs could come in and kill everyone on his team. Now he’s on a determined and ferocious hunt for Sidonis to make him pay.

Jane thought it best not to press any further. But it was good progress.

* * *

She eased into her desk chair in her private quarters, switching on the screen to her laptop. An orange glow oscillated around the envelope icon on her desktop, notifying her of the unread message. Her body jerked forward in raging curiosity when she read the title - "Take care of Garrus". The letter from Nalah Butler read:

_Commander Shepard,_

_My husband was one of the men serving on Garrus' team. I don't know how much Garrus talked to you about what happened. I don't know the specifics myself, only that my husband died in a trap set by those bastard gangs. I know Garrus blames himself; he took every shot fired at his squad as a failure on his part, and it was clear when he sent me the message about my husband that he thinks it was his fault._

_My husband would never have wanted that. He was proud of the work he did on Garrus' squad. He was taking back Omega from the gangs. He died fighting with honor. I miss him. God, I'd give anything to get him back. But whatever happened there wasn't Garrus' fault._

_You're his commander now. Please, if you can, help him stop blaming himself. And please don't tell him that I sent you this._

_Thank you,_

_Nalah Butler_

Nalah's words bore deep to Jane's core. She was aware of the weighing guilt Garrus carried, and she had every intention of helping him carry it or eradicate it. Hearing her own thoughts from someone else's mouth strengthened her desire to help him in any way possible. It was now a priority. A promise.


	18. An Eye for an Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane accompanies Garrus on his personal quest to collect Sidonis' life.

 

_An eye for an eye. A life for a life. He owes me ten lives, and I plan to collect._

Garrus’ words steadily looped in Jane’s head as they waited in a warehouse on the Citadel for Fade. Fade specialized in making people disappear, so when Garrus heard that Sidonis’ been seen with him, he arranged a meeting. He was quick to ask for Jane’s help, knowing she wouldn’t agree with his instinctive objective to kill Sidonis. As far as he knows, Jane is here for support and as back up, but her real intention is to intervene when the opportunity came.

Both Garrus and Shepard shook their heads at each other when they saw “Fade” – a small, chunky, undaunting volus – with two krogan bodyguards stroll in. No way this guy was the expert mastermind. “Fade” nervously approached the two.

“You’re Fade?” she asked mockingly.

“Looks…. can be deceiving,” he wheezed in his nasally voice. “So, which one of you wants to, uh, disappear?”

“I’d rather see you make someone reappear,” Garrus responded earnestly.

“Uh, that’s not the service we provide.”

Garrus laughed in pretense and pulled his gun out, pointing it at the volus’ head. “Make an exception. Just this once.”

“Damn it. Quick! Shoot them! Do it!” he yelled back at his bodyguards.

The two krogan took one glance at their opponents and knew they’re out of their league. They shrugged at each other and walked away.

“Hey! You’re not getting paid for this!” They didn’t come back. He groaned, “Why do I even bother?”

“We’re looking for someone. A client of yours,” Jane told him.

“I’m not Fade!” he blurted, panicking now that he’s alone. “I just work for him. Sort of.”

Garrus got down on one knee at an intimidating eye-level with the volus and politely suggested, “Well maybe you’d like to tell us where to find him.”

* * *

_How the hell did Harkin become Fade?_

After being fired from C-Sec a while back, Harkin used his knowledge and contacts from C-Sec to help people disappear. Then he made himself disappear, and ‘Fade’ was born. So to speak.

Garrus drove them to the factory district in a rented sky car. In no time, they fought their way through the run-down factory filled with Blue Sun mercs – much of it due to Garrus’ rush of adrenaline feeding off the realization he’s coming much closer to getting his revenge.

They came to a room at the end of the warehouse with a large, broad window looking over a stockroom cluttered with receptacles and containers. Garrus spotted an office on the other side where Harkin is hiding, now aware of their presence. With a bit of downtime, they settled down for just a moment to catch their breath.

“So Harkin’s gone completely bad,” Jane commented to Garrus as he checked his ammo supply.

“He was always a pain in the ass, but I’m no mood for his games. If he doesn’t cooperate, I’ll beat him within an inch of his life!” he hissed.

“You seem to be getting tense, Garrus.” Jane sat down on the floor next to him.

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we’re here, and I don’t want him tipping Sidonis off. I should just shoot him on sight, but I need him alive, so I won’t do any _permanent_ damage. Just enough to loosen his lips.”

“You don’t need to hurt him to get what you want.”

“Don’t worry. Harkin’s a coward. He’ll talk long before I can really hurt him.”

“You still planning to kill Sidonis when we find him?”

“That’s the plan. Quick and painless. Unlike everyone he betrayed. He’ll be spared the agony of a slow death. It’s more than he deserves. But as long as he’s dead, I’ll be satisfied.”

It’s clear that this pestiferous rationalization is burrowing its foul, poisonous roots further into Garrus’ mind.

“Satisfied? Garrus, do you really think that killing Sidonis will make things right?”

“I know you don’t like it, Shepard, but I _have_ to do this,” he affirmed obstinately.

“Is there no other way?” she asked once more.

“Maybe, but this is personal. I’ll pull the trigger, and I’ll live with the consequences. All I’m asking is that you help me find him.”

Garrus quickly grew tired of Jane trying to influence his decision. She took notice and changed the subject.

“What do you think Harkin’s got waiting for us in there?”

“Probably more mercs. He’s got himself trapped in a corner in that room. I figure he doesn’t have much left.”

“Only one way to find out,” she said standing up.

“Right behind you.”

* * *

“Harkin, this doesn’t have to be hard,” Jane sighed, folding her arms after Garrus pinned him violently to the wall by the neck.

“Screw you!” he barked at her. “I don’t give out client information. It’s bad for business.”

Jane attempted to help him, but he asked for this. Garrus hit him with a mean left hook and placed his heavy armored foot on Harkin’s neck after he fell to the ground. Harkin’s face was beginning to look like an atrocious bloody mess.

“You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!” Garrus transferred more of his weight onto the feeble human neck.

“Alright, alright! Get off me!”

But Garrus wouldn’t let up. A subtle touch from Jane’s hand on Garrus’ arm brought him back from his dark place. He moved back from Harkin and told him to set up a meeting with Sidonis. All the while Harkin sent a message to Sidonis, Jane couldn’t stop looking at Garrus who was now obsessively looking over his gun. Perhaps fantasizing Sidonis’ death. Jane’s worry for him grew worse. She had to save him. She had to. She made a promise.

“It’s all good. He wants to meet in front of Orbital Lounge, end of the day. So, if our business is done, I’ll be going?” Harkin subliminally asked for permission as he went to grab his bag to go. But Garrus yanked him by his shirt.

“I don’t think so. You’re a criminal now, Harkin.”

“So what? You’re just gonna kill me? That’s not your style Garrus.”

_Even someone who isn’t close to him can see that he’s changed._

“Kill you?” Garrus released him. “No. But I don’t mind slowing you down a little.”

Luckily, Jane was standing right next to Garrus or else the bullet that swiftly left Garrus’ gun would’ve dug into Harkin’s knee. Jane managed to grab Garrus’ arm and twisted it upward just as he pulled the trigger. She gave him a look that read, “Enough!” Garrus glared back at her but soon softened at her worried expression.

“I guess it’s your lucky day.”

Content with his compliance, Jane motioned for Garrus to move out. But Harkin just had to be a smart ass.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s do this again sometime real soon,” he smirked.

Garrus spun around and knocked him out with a crushing headbutt. When he caught up with Jane, she raised an eyebrow.

“What? I didn’t _shoot_ him.”

Across from the Orbital Lounge, Garrus and Jane sat in the sky car, a stiff silence settling in the mute air. But not for long.

“Harkin’s a bloody menace. We shouldn’t have let him go. He deserved to be punished,” Garrus spat.

“I’m a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin,” Jane admitted faintly.

“You don’t think he deserved it?” he questioned disgruntled.

“It’s just not like you.”

Garrus’ heart clenched at the disheartened expression on the face he admired. He hated the feeling of letting his commander and best friend down, but this is what everything he had been through did to him. It changed him from the proud and virtuous turian that served alongside the great Commander Shepard.

“What do you want from me, Jane?” he asked exasperatedly. “What would you do if someone betrayed you?”

“I’m not sure,” she confessed. “But I wouldn’t let it change me.”

He scoffed. “I would’ve said the same thing before it happened to me.”

“It’s not too late. You don’t have to go through with this.”

“Who’s going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don’t? Nobody else knows what he’s done. Nobody else cares! I don’t see any other options.”

The tenor of his speech bounced between ferocity and helplessness. His two emotions that constantly were at war.

“Let me talk to him,” she offered. Garrus exhaled and reclined back in his seat, shutting his eyes.

“Talk all you want. I don’t care what his reasons were. He screwed us. He deserves to die,” he responded nonchalantly.

“I understand what you’re going through but do you really want to kill him?”

“I’m not you, Jane…”

“This isn’t you either,” she argued. His eyelids parted slightly, but he continued to lay in his relaxed position.

“Really?” he sneered. “I’ve always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this. Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?”

He sat forward, noticing the time was getting close and he was gradually getting edgy.

“I’m sorry, Jane, but words aren’t going to solve this problem. I need to set up.”

Jane’s frustrated, but she just knew she’d get through to him. She could see the small breaks of good trying to push through to the surface whenever she talked to him. An internal conflict between righteousness and retribution where his true self rouses. Jane wished she could see the machinations and understand the turmoil in his mind. She wanted deeply and strongly believe that she could persuade him, but a part of her had doubts.

Still, she wouldn’t give up.

* * *

“ _Just give me the chance,”_ Garrus had begged her.He felt the need to collect the debt he’d been on the hunt for, but Jane made him see that Sidonis wasn’t living. Not really. Not the way a person should. And there was still good in Sidonis. Garrus could see it. So he let him go.

Jane waited by the car in the parking lot for Garrus to come back.

“I know you want to talk about this, but I don’t,” Garrus told Jane without being prompted. “Not yet.”

“I know it didn’t go the way you planned, but I think it’s for the best.” He began to pace, recounting the recent occurrence.

“I’m not so sure.”

“Give it time,” she assured him.

“Yeah. Maybe that’ll be enough.” He stopped and moved closer to Jane, seeking affirmation of his actions. “I just want to know I did the right thing. Not just for me. For my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights, I just couldn’t do it.”

“The lines between good and evil blur when we’re looking at people we know.”

“Yeah. It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don’t know what to do with grey.” His eyes sprouted sadness as he looked at Jane for answers.

“You got to go with your instincts.”

“My instincts are what got me into this mess,” he conceded regretfully. To his shock, Jane grabbed both sides of his face and pulled him close to her’s. She didn’t go in for a kiss but placed their foreheads together – a simple gesture that had an unrevealed meaning and belonged only to them. Both their hearts raced at incredible speeds.

“Please…don’t be so hard yourself,” Jane pleaded. “It may take some time, but I’ll be here for you. No matter what.”

“Thank you…for everything.”

Jane loosened her hold on him, and they mutually broke away.

“Let’s get going. I need some distance from this place.” Garrus walked back to the car, settling into the driver’s seat.

“I’m with you.”

 Jane smiled watching the man she once knew return, shedding the tainted malevolent skin he once wore only to crumble and reduce to ashes.


	19. Reach and Flexibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the events on Horizon, Garrus and Jane have a much needed one-on-one in the Main Battery.

 

The afternoon after Horizon, Jane exited the comm room fuming. The Illusive Man himself tipped off the Alliance that she was alive and working with Cerberus. To risk the lives of Kaidan, her crew, and an entire colony just to lure the Collectors. It made her sick with rage. He suspected the Collectors were looking for her and any people connected to her. The attack on Horizon confirmed his theory. These kinds of deception are what grew distrust in Jane towards Cerberus. She could never get a clear picture of the Illusive Man's intentions or actions. Whether she liked it or not, they have resources, and she needs those resources. That includes her next two recruits: the Assasin, Thane Krios, and the Justicar, Samara, who were both on Illium.

"So, uh, it's kinda crazy the people you can run into, huh?” Joker commented, punching in the coordinates Jane had just given him.  “I mean, it was probably a setup or something, but it was still good to see Kaidan. Er, Commander Alenko now, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, we...talked. Things have changed. We let it go," she replied frigidly. Jane had a pretty warm reception from Kaidan on Horizon when he pulled her in for a hug, but immediately lost his cool when he realized that she was here with Cerberus. He felt betrayed and Jane felt she had no reason to apologize. Cerberus was doing something about the missing colonies. The Alliance wasn’t.

Shepard wouldn’t normally fight so hard to reason with someone, but this was an old friend and a tie to her former life. If she could have another friendly – or at least cordial – face around, she’d feel more confident about this mission. Kaidan refused.

"Oh, good," Joker said, thinking of what to say after that sort of reaction. "Hey, you know if you ever want to talk sometime, I hear Chambers is very good."

"Jeez, you're a real pal,” she beamed sarcastically. 

"Hey, I'm there for ya! Just up here. With my things. Nowhere outside the cockpit." Jane had to give him at least a chuckle for that. Joker had a knack for making light of a situation. But now that he mentioned Kaidan, there's something that Jane has been meaning to do.

Garrus worked away in the main battery room well into the night, busying his mind with his beloved calibrations.

“Have you got a minute, Garrus?” Jane spoke at the entrance door.

“Sure, just killing time anyway,” he answered before turning around. He noticed a bottle and two glasses in her hands. “Rum. One of those days?”

Jane responded by pouring them both a glass and then handed him one. Jane pushed herself up to sit on a nearby workbench, gulping half of her drink.

“Something on your mind?” Garrus asked, resting his elbows back on the bench near her dangling legs. The expression on her face displayed a troubled and broken spirit.

“There’s something I have to know.” She stared down at her drink, mindlessly swirling it around. “Why…did you come back?”

“It's not like I had anything to go back to on Omega. It's probably best if they think I'm dead, anyway. Regardless, if it’s the Collectors, Reapers, or whoever else, I know you'll get the job done. You could do it without me. Not as stylishly, of course.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Jane replied sharply. “Why do you trust me? Follow me - no questions asked?”

Garrus couldn’t give her the truth. Not until she remembers.

“Ah. This has to do with what happened on Horizon, doesn’t it?”

A tingle of jealousy sparked in Garrus when he witnessed the tight embrace Kaidan and Jane, yet he knew he had no right to. It’s not like Alex belonged to him. He knows very well she has no such feelings for Kaidan anyway. He’s like a brother to her. But it isn’t Jane he’s worried about. Everyone on the ship knew Liara and Alex were a couple, and even so, Kaidan was persistent. Garrus had come to her defense. His blood boiled at Kaidan’s skepticism towards Jane. Kaidan, more than anyone, should know her deep-rooted virtuous values. How could he think such a thing of her?

Jane’s verdant eyes were glued to him, clouded by vulnerability. “What if he’s right Garrus? Have I changed? How can I be so sure that Cerberus hasn’t influenced me in some way that I’d turn my back on everything I believe in?”

“Jane,” he started, softly yet assuring, “You can’t worry about what people think of you or the way they try to make you feel. Some people will only accept you as long as you fit in their box. Now, I know I don't have the best judgment, but I know that your ideals aren’t easily shaken. Not even a tragic death and a drastic two-year surgery to bring you back to life could change that.”

The corners of Jane's mouth curled up into a tender smile as she downed the rest of her drink.

_He’s right. I’d be doing the exact same if I had been alive and working for the Alliance. I’m just funded by an unpopular organization. Kaidan can’t see past Cerberus and won’t accept me if I’m not working with the Alliance. But that doesn’t matter. I’m still me._

“Thanks, Garrus. That means more than you know.”

“Anytime.”

“But that’s not the only thing that’s been bothering me.” Garrus filled her glass, and she took a big swig of her rum. “I thought Kaidan had been onto something, that I had changed because… I’m back from the dead, but I get the feeling that I'm not all _here_. Like I'm missing a part of myself."

_Because you are. And you have no idea how much_ , Garrus thought.

Many drinks later, they recounted old tales unlocked by the alcohol through their booze-soaked lips. They shared everything from stories of raw emotions to witty punchlines. They’d throw their heads back laughing like children, pleased at the tiniest bit of humor in their altered state. Falling deeper into intoxication, Garrus rounded back around to a dour topic.

“Strange going on a suicide mission on a human ship,” he commented. “People don’t prepare for high-risk operations like turians do. Especially now that we’ve got Miranda, Cerberus, and that AI all telling us what we’re going up against. I think I prefer blind optimism.”

“What do you think our chances are?”

“Honestly?” Jane nodded. “Collectors killed you once, and all it did was piss you off. I can’t imagine they’ll stop you this time. But an unmapped area, advanced technology, and the Collectors – we’re going to lose people. No way around that.”

Her despondent gaze shifted back down to her empty glass.

“Not a happy analysis, I know. Don’t worry. I won’t spread it around. I’m with you regardless.”

Her chest filled with warmth.  She liked to believe that it was because of Garrus over the alcohol. “How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions then?”

“With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operation discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight and know we need to blow off steam. The ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, and even full contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress.”

Jane questioned him with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it’s a good way to settle grudges amicably.”

“For example?”

Garrus paced clumsily, recalling a specific memory. “I remember right before one mission, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other’s throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring.”

“She? I assume you took her down gently?” Jane folded her arms, intrigued in the fact of Garrus fighting a female at close range as opposed to his usual long-distance style with a sniper rifle.

“Actually, she and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was _brutal_. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room.”

“So, then what?”

Garrus would hesitate to tell her the rest, but modesty disappeared along with his sobriety. “We ended up holding a tiebreaker in her private quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”

It was probably the liquor making its way into her brain, but an underlying tempting thought floated to the surface. But truth be told, Jane had thought about it many times before.

“It sounds like you’re carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it.” Jane's words were drenched in sensuality. Garrus picked up on it, but Jane couldn’t really be hinting at _that_ , could she? He became flustered.

“I, uh, didn’t think you’d feel like sparring.” Jane shook her head and smirked. For the second time this evening, Garrus and the point are complete strangers. His grip tightened around his glass as she jumped off and placed herself only a few inches away. She’d have to be more transparent.

“What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach and my flexibility.”

“Oh! I didn’t… Hm. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.” He realized this is a serious proposition when her fervent seductive eyes never left his. “Well, why the hell not? There’s nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. If we can figure out a way to make it work…then yeah. Definitely.”

She ran her hand lightly over the bandaged side of his face, and he let his head rest in her palm. Jane could taste Garrus on the tip of her tongue, craving him.

"I think it's time I go," she whispered. "Can't have a hangover for tomorrow's mission."

"Of course."

Jane's mind went crazy that night, dreaming of things she'd let Garrus to do her. She almost wished she had let it happen tonight, but neither of them were in any condition to. Nor did either of them have any idea what it like to lie in bed with the other species. Nevertheless, there’d be a right time and place for it.


	20. Illium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane comes across her former asari lover on Illium and comes to some revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are going to cover and close up Jane's relationship with Liara. Afterward, we're going to focus back onto our favorite turian bad boy ;)

 

Jack and Garrus accompanied Shepard to Illium. Upon their landing at the docking bay, an asari with two armed mech robots approached. The trio raised their guards and were ready to pull their guns out at any moment if they attacked.

"Welcome to Nos Astra, Commander Shepard. We've been instructed to waive all docking and administration fees for your visit.”

The trio relaxed seeing that she’s just a cautious concierge. Jane inquired, "Who instructed you to waive the fees?"

"The order came from Liara T'Soni, who paid all fees on your behalf." Jane's body shuttered. "She also asked that I direct you to speak with her at your convenience."

"Shit, Commander. You keep good company," Jack remarked.

"You said Liara was here? What is she doing?" Jane asked hastily. She didn't realize that Liara worked here on Illium.

"Liara is one of Nos Atra's most respected information brokers. She was looking forward to seeing you. Again, welcome to our city, Commander. Please enjoy your stay." The asari concierge walked away with her mechs.

"Shepard?"

Jane looked at Garrus out from the corners of her eyes. "Yes?"

"You going to be okay?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "It's been a while. My last run-in with an old teammate didn't exactly go well. Come on, let's go."

Liara's assistant greeted them as they climbed the stairs to Liara's office.

"Hello, Commander Shepard. Liara will be pleased to see you!" She motioned Jane to step through the steel door. "Go on ahead. She's just finishing up with a call."

They caught the last bits of Liara's conversation entering her office. She faced the window overlooking the city as she spoke.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have.  I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind," Liara finished with a chilly bite.

After ending the call, she whipped around after seeing Jane's reflection in the window.

"Jane!" she exclaimed. Liara rushed over and gingerly grabbed Jane's hands, lacing their fingers together. An ancient touch. Liara unlocked their fingers and pulled Jane in at the waist for a passionate kiss. This caught Jane by surprise. Not so much the kiss, but the lack of excitement she felt being reunited with her old lover.

"Damn. Talk about a warm welcome, huh?" Jack laughed devilishly and nudged Garrus on his side. He couldn't watch. "Why so uptight Garrus? You don't like seeing a little girl-on-girl action?"

Liara pulled away suddenly from embarrassment and returned to her desk, leaving Jane internally confused. She slid into the chair across from Liara's desk. Garrus and Jack stood back, leaning against the wall. Liara observed the way Garrus kept his eye on Jane, solicitous and protective.

"My sources said you were alive, but I never believed... It's very good to see you," she said sweetly. Jane forgot how angelic her voice is. It really has been too long. Liara used to make her heart pound and now when they shared a kiss, Jane felt as if she kissed a stranger — detached.

"It's good to see you, too, Liara. How are you doing?"

“I’ve been doing well. I’ve been working as an information broker. It’s paid the bills since you…well, for the past two years. And now you’re back, gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus.”

“You’re well-informed.”

“Information is my business now Jane, and I’m quite good at it,” Liara said, her powder blue eyes twinkling proudly.

Jane requested information on Thane and Samara which Liara readily provided her with, retrieving the data just off the top of her head.  “And if there’s anything else I can help you with, let me know.”

“Actually, I think there’s something I can help _you_ with,” she smirked, pulling out a datapad. “I know you're looking for the Shadow Broker. Cerberus gave me data on where to find him. Interested?"

"Absolutely! I had no idea." Liara shot out of her seat and reached to grab Jane’s datapad, swiping the screen furiously for the information she’d been killing herself over trying to obtain. She abruptly came to a stop when the picture of a drell appeared.

"Feron..." Liara whispered with a soft smile. "He's still alive."

"Who is he?" Jane asked, curious as to why her lips found a reason to turn upwards.

"He's a friend. He helped me recover your body from the Shadow Broker."

Liara didn't look up from the datapad, hesitant to receive Jane’s reaction. Jane couldn't find one even she if she wanted to. Everything came to a stop for a moment.

"Recover my body? You mean--"

"Yes," she confirmed, turning her back to her to watch the view of Illium – and Jane's response indirectly through the reflection of the window. "Shadow Broker agents recovered your body after the crash. They were going to sell your corpse to the Collectors. Cerberus forwarded me information and teamed me up with Feron to retrieve it — you."

"You saved me," Jane said slowly. She couldn't grasp on to the reality that Liara risked herself against Shadow Broker agents and the Collectors to retrieve her dead body.

Liara kept a watchful eye on Jane through the reflection. She’s learned a lot about reading humans over the last couple of years, yet Jane remained indecipherable. No happiness nor anger. But confusion wasn't quite right for her expression either. The gears in Jane's mind just kept moving.

"I handed you over to Cerberus. They said they could bring you back. I didn’t know how you’d come back. If you would still be...well, you. I hope you’re not upset. It was not an easy decision.”

Jane had no response. She wanted to thank her in actuality. Her current mission is too important for her to be dead. She’s stuck between hugging Liara for saving her and running away in shame for not carrying the same feelings for the asari she once did. Liara went as far as to work with the anti-alien group to bring Jane back to life. But those sentiments simply no longer existed. Jane took too long to respond, so Liara continued, steering the conversation to its original topic.

"Feron sacrificed himself to save me. I never found anything suggesting that he'd still be alive. After two years, I hadn't even dreamed... It's funny. He betrayed me more than once. He was double-dealing for Cerberus. For the Shadow Broker. But in the end, he sacrificed himself. For me. I owe him..."

The mirror worked both ways. Jane gazed into the reflection, observing a fire light up in Liara’s eyes.

"Sounds like you and Feron were close... Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. What’s the next step?"

"I don't know. I need to prepare. To think.” She hurriedly began to pack her briefcase. "I'm going home."

Liara rushed past Jane, who dodged the near collision of their shoulders ramming into each other. Liara paid no mind and headed out without so much as a goodbye.

"You okay?" Jane called out to her concerned. Liara stopped in her tracks right outside her office doors.

"I spent two years plotting revenge. Now I have a chance to make it a rescue.” She wasn’t going to ask, but Commander Shepard’s help isn’t something one passes up. “Do you... Do you mind coming by my apartment later? I could use your help."

"Of course." Jane undoubtedly cared for her, and after everything Liara has done, there’s no way she can deny her a favor of reprisal.

* * *

 

Jane and the squad had just defeated and killed a Council Spectre, Tela Vasir, who was working as a Shadow Broker agent. The Shadow Broker had ordered the hit on Liara for digging too deep into his business. While Jane and Liara were over the disc they’d been hunting down, Garrus went over to check on the emotionally scarred partygoers. Liara confirmed the data’s veracity, stating that it is exactly what they needed to take down the Shadow Broker for good. Concerned for Feron’s well-being, Liara became possessed with a sense of urgency as the Broker hasn’t yet discovered what happened to Vasir. Jane attempted to snap her out of the trance.

"We'll get Feron out of there alive, Liara. I promise."

"I know. You're here to help, just like always," she said curtly.

"That's not a good thing?" Jane sensed a blunt shift in Liara's personality, the angelic demeanor and voice slowly changing to harsh and relentless.

"When we first met on Therum, you saved me from the geth. You fought a krogan battlemaster while I cowered. Now you're doing it again. And I'm still leaning on you for help."

"That's what friends do, Liara," Jane reasoned. Liara ignored Jane's words and walked away to get back to the car with Jane in tow.

"I can get us there, based on Sekat's and Cerberus' data. The Normandy's stealth drive will keep them from detecting us. And with luck, the Shadow Broker's agents won't notice we've left until it's too late. They're still shooting their way through Illium."

"That's a little cold," Jane remarked. "They killed innocent people and could still be doing so to find us."

"You know what I mean," she shrugged, turning back to face Jane. It was unexpected, but Jane was hurt.

_I thought this was going to end up the other way around._

"Do I? When I hit the ground back at the trade center, you went after Vasir without a backward look."

Liara shook her head and continued her walk. "A little fall wasn't going to kill you. I had to stay on Vasir. I had to stay rational, make the call. Like I did with Sekat. I got him killed...and I'd do it again. But from here on out, it'll be simple. Get in, get Feron, get out. And kill anyone who tries to stop us."

"Will you just stop for a second?" Jane reached her shoulder and spun her back around. "We'll be jumping several light years. There's time to talk."

"About what?"

Jane dreaded having to initiate this, but it needed to be done. "About us."

Liara's bottom lip trembled, and a wet glaze swept over her eyes. "You can't just come back and have two years of mourning suddenly vanish!" She started to weep but shook it off and regained her icy composure. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I can't get into this. For now, let's just focus on getting Feron back."

"Fine," she replied sharply.

_I tried. Why does everything have to be so damn hard?_


	21. The Shadow Broker

 

“Is taking over as the Shadow Broker really a good idea?” Jane asked Liara shortly after their battle on the Shadow Broker’s ship. Saving Feron and killing a yahg were no easy tasks, but they did it. When the Broker’s agents began calling in asking about the lost connection, Liara stepped with almost no hesitation.

“It was either that or lose everything: his contacts, his trading sources. Those will really help us.” Liara spun back towards the screen, skimming over the launching lists of data coming through from the Broker’s minions. “With the Shadow Broker’s information network, I can give you…I can…”

The lump in Liara’s throat wouldn’t let her next words travel to her mouth. Tears began to well up in her baby blue eyes. Sensing the emotionally complicated situation, Feron and Garrus volunteered to check the power systems, leaving the two ex-lovers alone. As the door shut, Liara wept harder and whirled around back to Jane to release the overflowing sentiments she accumulated over the years, breaking through the thick levy of emotional strength she built.

“It’s over. It’s finally…for two years…”

Liara couldn’t form complete sentences between the sobbing and gasps for air. Jane pulled her in tight and let Liara's tears fall on her shoulders. When her breathing stabilized, Liara parted her head away slightly and captured Jane’s lips in a soft loving kiss. Jane broke the kiss first but still held her in her arms.

“It’s been two years. I don’t…” Jane trailed off.

“We’re different people," Liara said, finishing the release of their embrace. "You have your mission, and now, I have this... All I wanted was to rescue Feron. But is it wrong that part of me wants this? With the Shadow Broker’s network, I can help you. Maybe I can turn this operation into something better.”

"How about I give you some time to settle in then?" Jane offered.

"Yes. Perhaps that's best. I need some time to...think and review everything here."

"Okay, see you later."

* * *

Garrus felt it best to let everything sink in, for Jane and himself, so he retreated to the main battery when they returned to the Normandy. He planned to work on his calibrations late into the night. Jane, on the other hand, tossed and turned in her bed, needing a different approach other than “sleeping on it” to ease her mind.

“Jane, need me for something?” Garrus asked as she tiptoed into the room, careful not to cause a disturbance this time of night.

“Got a minute? Or two?”

Something in Jane's voice told him this conversation's going to be a private, intimate one. He pushed a couple of buttons on the control console to close and seal the doors behind her. There were thoughts and feelings the both of them held that needed validation. The conversation of a relationship, or sex, started on one drunken night. Each pondered if the suggestion was to be fulfilled or just a trivial idea of two sozzled minds.

“Yeah. Actually, I’ve been wanting to speak to you,” Garrus said, his demeanor and body language turning gawky. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about… Blowing off steam and, uh, easing tension. I’ve never thought about cross-species intercourse.” He paused for half a second, hearing the words coming out of his mouth. “And damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel…dirty and clinical.”

Apprehensive and fumbling with his cognitions, Garrus began to walk back and forth when he resumed speaking.

“Are we crazy to be even be thinking about this? I’m not—” He released an exasperated sigh. “Look, Jane, I know you can find something a little closer to home.”

He discontinued his pacing to face Jane with shaky confidence. Entirely different from his usual projection of cockiness. “Closer to home” meant Liara. Asaris are most physiologically similar to humans out of all the alien races, so he figured Jane would be most comfortable continuing a relationship with Liara. A connection left unfinished. There was no proper breakup, and he couldn’t be certain what Jane felt towards either of them. He witness the kiss on Illium and their interactions on the Shadow Broker ship made Garrus sure there are several emotional loose ends the two have to resolve.

But Jane’s heart didn’t take its time to confess its true desires. And actually, she found his vulnerability quite endearing.

“I don’t want something closer to home,” she stated strongly, coming in close to the turian. “I want you. I want someone I can trust.”

A rush of warmth ran through his veins. His mandibles flared in an unmeasured contentment. The fact that she wants him over anything, and anyone, else was beyond his expectations. Garrus never meant to steal her from Liara’s arms, but he felt strongly for her for far too long to let an opportunity fall through his talons. Even with her lost memories – something that she is still yet unaware of – Jane found her way to him.

“I can do that,” he responded, confidence piecing back together. “I’ll find some music and do some research and figure out how this thing should work. It’ll either be a night to treasure or a horrible interspecies awkwardness thing.”

Garrus always found a way to make her laugh in any situation. One of the things she grew to like – love – about him. Humor hasn't always been a part of her life.

“In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction. So, you know, a win either way,” he added.

“You know, Garrus, if you’re not comfortable with this, it’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you,” Jane told him, placing a hand on his arm. Though Garrus already stated his agreement, she needed to ensure that an experimental sexual encounter was something he coveted as well. Garrus removed her from his arm, grabbing both of her small, delicate human hands to hold in his larger, rough turian ones. Their eyes locked.

“Jane. You’re about the only friend I have left in this screwed up galaxy. I’m not going to pretend I’ve got a fetish for humans, but this isn’t about that. This is about us. You never have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous yes,” Garrus chuckled shakily, “but never uncomfortable.”

“So, when should I book the room?” Jane questioned with a lascivious grin, lust dripping off her tongue.

“I’d wait if you’re okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible and take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm.”

Agreeing, Jane stepped back and said, “I’ll let you get back to work then.”

“Right… Cause I’m in a _great_ place to optimize firing algorithms right now,” he replied in a playfully caustic tone, the images of human-turian sexual fantasy flooding his mind, pushing out and distorting all thoughts of calibrations.

* * *

The following morning after breakfast, Jane took the shuttle by herself to Liara's ship. Upon her arrival to the office, a floating white translucent orb the size of a beach ball approached Jane. Wary of the unknown mechanism, Jane inched away cautiously. The orb levitated to Jane's face.

"Welcome back, Shadow Broker!" exclaimed the friendly piece of machinery.

Jane leaned off to the side around it and hollered at Liara. "What is this?"

"That's the old Broker's VI assistant. It's actually been helpful with rebuilding the network,” she yelled back from behind her desk.

"Please let me know if I can organize anything else for you, Shadow Broker," the VI said before zooming away to an unknown task.

“How are you, Liara?”

“I’m a bit overwhelmed, to be honest. The Shadow Broker had more resources than you can imagine. Here, come on over.”

At the console, Liara revealed that the Shadow Broker had top-level access to several Council species intel. It was a lot to take in. Liara was glad to at least get to share it with someone – specifically Jane.

“You’re not going to turn into a recluse with creepy information on everyone in the galaxy, are you?” Jane asked in jest. A tiny smile came across Liara's lips.

“I can understand the temptation. I’ve got all the secrets of the galaxy at my fingertips. Give me ten minutes, and I could start a war. But I’ve got a purpose: helping you stop the Reapers. That will keep me honest.”

This would be one of the rare times Jane would succumb to senseless chit-chat, but there's an end goal in mind.

“How’s Feron doing?”

“As well as you’d expect after two years of intermittent torture.”

Silence fell as Jane searched for a follow-up question. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I don’t know," she said raising her shoulders. "He wants to work, so I’m letting him help.”

_Okay, maybe I should just cut to the chase._

“You know, I didn’t come down here just to talk about data,” Jane informed her. Liara shifted her gaze off to the side and crossed her arms in front of her chest in a protective stance. A navy flush painted her cheeks.

“Yes. About the kiss…we’d just finished the fight and… I miss you, but as you said, it's been two years. I don’t want to put pressure on you. And I know that…you have someone.”

As an information broker, and now the Shadow Broker, Jane wasn’t surprised that Liara already knew about Garrus. This was her expertise now, after all. But it wasn’t like Liara hadn’t witnessed the way those two looked at each other and acted around each other. There was a special ingredient.

 "And you deserve to be happy, Jane. I want you to be happy. So, tell me what you want."

"What I want?" Jane repeated, confounded. Jane never thought she'd be asked what she _wanted._ All she knows is what she feels, and she feels that her heart has another name on it. Just as Garrus and Jane settled their intentions the night before, Liara deserved the same clarification.

"What are you fighting for? A chance to give Garrus some peace?” Liara asked, gaze fixed on Jane'a pair of glistening ruby eyes. Jane replied without hesitation – her heart knowing exactly what she's fighting for.

“He’s been hurt. Betrayed. He deserves something better in this galaxy to look forward to.”

Liara gave a smile of genuine glee. Even though it's not what she wanted to hear, Liara sensed a love louder than the demons existed between the human and turian – beyond what they could ever achieve. And perhaps Liara always knew given their undeniable chemistry since the beginning.

“I understand. I hope the two of you find happiness, Jane. Really."

Jane reciprocated her grin and reached to give her an affectionate squeeze. Since the words of farewell couldn’t be uttered, Jane instead said quietly in her ear, “Don’t be a stranger.”

Liara tugged her in tighter.

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now that's done, the next few chapters will be long ones with Garrus and figuring why Jane has had the feeling like she's missing information about her own life.


	22. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane has been busy helping her crew tie up loose ends, but she has her to take care of as well.

 

Jane walked around the Citadel shopped to replenish supplies. On her way back to the docking bay, she couldn’t help but notice a distressed volus wheezing as he ran around the plaza searching for his lost wallet. Jane sighed and took a seat nearby an empty bench.

"You’ve reduced yourself to petty theft,” Jane said aloud.

“I wouldn’t call it petty,” Kasumi replied coming out of stealth mode and plopping down next to Jane. “I overheard him wanting to buy ‘performance enhancers’ for a visit he had later with an asari prostitute. I’m doing her a favor by letting this end quickly.”

“What a hero,” she said playfully. Kasumi’s shadowy face broke into a slight smile.

“The word is that Garrus really like you,” Kasumi mentioned abruptly.

"How - "

“Though, I can never tell with turians. I think you should go for it! A lot of people want to see you two together.”

“A lot of people?” Jane cringed.

“Ah, you two think you’re being discreet. Don’t try so hard to hide it. On a suicide mission like this, it’s nice to something like that. And to see you so…free.”

“Free?”

“Relaxed. Less rigid. Not so uptight. Take your pick. My point being that Garrus joining us has been good for you.” Jane was left wordless. It’s hard to come up with a response to something so unexpected. On top of that, Kasumi's words resembled Ashley's words from years ago. How much she had changed. “And you’ve been doing a lot for your crew lately. Helping Jacob search for the wreckage of his father’s ship. Miranda find her long-lost sister. Samara with her daughter. Thane with his son.”

“What are you getting at, Kasumi?”

“You’ve helped everyone tie up their loose ends. Don’t forget to take care of your own.”

_Loose ends, huh?_

The universe has a cheeky sense of humor. Chambers notified Jane of a new message when she boarded and whenever her messages appeared even remotely touchy, Kelly made it known that she’d be available to talk and has a shoulder to cry on. Up in her cabin, Jane read her message:

_[From Admiral Hackett_

_Commander Shepard:_

_Our scans in the Amada system have turned up something we thought you should see: the final location of the wreckage of the SSV Normandy._

_We thought this news might be important to you, but we also have an ulterior motive. The Alliance would like to honor the Normandy with a monument to be built on the site of the ship’s final resting place. We’d like to invite you to place the monument and be the first to walk on the site._

_There are still 20 crew members unaccounted for from the attack on the Normandy. If you find any signs of these lost crewman, we ask that you report to the Alliance so that those heroes’ families might find some closure._

_Godspeed to you, Commander.]_

***

Feelings of sickness and weakness overwhelmed Jane when she spotted the frost-covered debris of the Normandy on Alchera through the shuttle window. Sheets of snow draped over the broken slabs of ship metal. A section of the port armor printed with "Normandy" peeked through the white precipitation. The banging blizzard winds shook the shuttle and hit Jane when she opened the door. The brutal cold reached the inside of her suit and armor. Jane sunk into the soft ground when she stepped off the shuttle. Snowflakes swirled around her as the shuttle powered up and lifted off to return to the Normandy. Jane wanted to take on this request alone and would call the shuttle pilot whenever she's ready for pick up.

Carefully trudging along the crash site, she scanned for the bodies of the twenty unaccounted crew members. Jane found the Mako, fully intact and wedged into the ground, front side in. Also buried with the Mako were two crew members, perfectly preserved in a frozen state. She delicately pulled their dog tags over and off their necks and stuffed them in a small pack she brought along. Memories of the cargo bay where Jane would hang out with the crew flashed before her eyes. For a couple of seconds, Jane was beside the workbench where Ashley would clean the guns; next to Wrex posted up against the footlockers in an intimidating fashion; enjoying the tiny moments of time Tali would come out of the engineering room for breaks; and sitting on top of the crate chatting as Garrus tirelessly calibrated the Mako guns. Jane jumped back to real time and shook off the powerful flashbacks. She continued her hunt through the wreckage, flipping chunks of metal over searching for the remaining eighteen.

More memories began to trigger as Jane went deeper into the rubble. She came across the mess hall tables that they used to push together into one long one so everyone could sit together. She felt the blithesome emotions of being surrounded by her crew and loved ones as if it were yesterday. She could still smell the medi-gel as if it just had been opened when she stepped over the broken med bay beds. Jane remembered them when she’d visit Liara and talk in the back office. In the remnants of her cabin, Jane felt the arms of Garrus wrap around her from the night she asked him to stay.

The memories hit her the worst when she discovered the full framing of the helm. Everything shifted back to the day she died. Yelling at Liara to get the crew off the ship. Running back for Joker. Throwing him into the escape pod, unable to save herself from the Collector's last attack. Smothered as all the oxygen depleted from her floating body. Everything after that is nonexistent.

Since the moment of her revival, Jane has felt like there’s something more. A mental block stopping her from retrieving important memories. Why is there always that reoccurring feeling that a piece of her life is missing? Though, there’s calming teeming feeling that she'd find her long-awaited answer here on Alchera.

After finding all twenty dog tags, Jane mentally pictured where the Alliance’s monument should be placed. She passed by the Normandy's port armor. What other way to best honor the Normandy than to place the monument by the ship name itself? Jane marked the location with a beacon that signaled a message to the Alliance of its placement.

Jane stared at her omni-tool teetering on whether to summon the shuttle for pick up, but her soul willed her not to. It instead pulled her in an arbitrary direction towards a pile of snow. She caught a twinkle peering through the mound. Jane crouched down and dug through the snow to reach for the object, wiping off the frost.

_My helmet..._

_"About time,"_ a voice spoke above her. Jane looked up from her hunched over position and was massively confused at who she’s looking at. _“You forgot about me, huh?”_

“You’re…” Jane exhaled slowly as she straightened up. The woman gave her a half-smile.

_“Yeah, I’m you.”_

A transparent and celestial body of Jane herself stood in her signature crossed-armed stance a couple of paces away.

“I must be out of my mind,” Jane whispered to herself, unable to comprehend why she’s looking at herself in the middle of nowhere. No mirrors or trickery were apparent. She blinked hard, but the other Jane just tilted her head in the silence.

_“Hm. In a sense,”_ she shrugged. _“I’m your spiritual body.”_

“Spiritual body?”

_“You remember that incident with the Rachni Queen? When we were able to talk to her telepathically?”_ Jane nodded. _“I think we were able to do that because we have some kind of…spiritual abilities.”_

Jane watched Ghost Jane work up the words in her mind to find the best way to explain the situation.

_“Our dreams have always been intense and realistic. Foretelling sometimes.Like with Ashley...”_ she said solemnly. _“I don't know what happened exactly,_ _but bysheer dumb luck, I was able to separatefrom you – the physical body.I followed you to the crash landing on Alchera.”_

“And how come I don’t remember that?” Skepticism saturated her voice.

_“Hell if I know honestly. I’m thinking anything that has to do with spiritual realm stays with me. Like when you dream, everything that happens in it remains there until you go back.”_

Jane shook her head, reluctantly accepting the answer. “I knew there was something wrong. What else am I missing then? What memories don’t I have?”

“ _More than you’d like, I’m sure. Two years is a long time.”_

“Time isn’t a luxury I can afford anymore. Give me the short version.”

Ghost Jane’s grin flipped into a frown. _“I’ll do you one better. I’ll show you.”_

* * *

Everyone is dead, and the Alliance isn’t coming. What shall a misguided ghost do besides travel Alchera endlessly? Jane could only wander the planet for so long. Maybe if she’s able to travel from the Normandy to this planet, she can travel through the stars to other planets. But where to go?

Three people came to mind instantly: Liara. Garrus. Kaidan.

Jane wondered how her lover fared. Jane followed the traces of the asari’s spirit, but she’s been moving around so much, it’s impossible to track her down. Jane visited the Citadel where Garrus still worked at C-Sec – overly occupied with rebuilding the Citadel – and enrolled in Spectre training. Kaidan had projects and missions to keep his mind busy back in the Alliance. The endless work diverted his thoughts elsewhere. At peace with their status, Jane searched for the rest her other squad mates.

Tali returned to her flotilla to complete her pilgrimage. She’d been welcomed back with great acclaim following her assistance in helping to defeat the geth, Saren, and Sovereign. Tali didn't need to be watched over. She’s back with her people, happy and safe. On the krogan homeworld of Tuchanka, Wrex led a movement uniting scattered members of Clan Urdnot to return them to their former glory.

Content yet feeling utterly useless, Jane decided to head back to her body on Alchera. No one needs her around. They can take care of themselves. It’d be soon that they’d move on. Turns out she’s well suited for erasing. Jane wondered why she even decided to separate herself from the physical body. What did she think she could accomplish as a spiritual body? Plain and simple. She’s dead.

Jane reached the outer atmosphere of Alchera when a troubling energy disturbed her travels. She almost ignored it if hadn’t been so familiar. Why didn’t she catch this before?

At the Citadel, Jane caught the ending of an argument between two turian C-Sec officers. This is where the energy led her to.

“You don’t want to work with us anymore, that’s fine,” the superior officer scolded his junior officer, jabbing a finger into his chest. “But you keep pushing the line, and I’ll lock you up myself, Vakarian. You hear me?”

Garrus scowled and glared at the finger on his chest.

“Loud and clear. Don’t worry – I’m not your problem anymore.”

Before Jane knew it, Garrus booked a ship to Omega. She sat in the back row of the vessel. Jane knew he couldn’t see her, but it felt strange to sit by him, even as a ghost. Garrus carried only the necessities on his back, packed tightly in an army green duffel bag. She wished she could ask him what his reasoning is for leaving a job at C-Sec and Spectre training to go live on a cesspool like Omega. All she has to go by is the dark energy that rebirthed in his soul. The same dark energy she helped Garrus eradicate. It disappeared when lesson after lesson, he learned to more patient and principled. What happened to make him revert back to his old self?

After landing on Omega, while all the exiting passengers ignored the disgusting scene happening right in front of them. Perhaps this is usual on Omega and its best to turn a blind eye. Or worse, perhaps nobody even cares. But Garrus stops. Garrus cares.

“More! You have more than that,” a Vorcha thief demanded, holding an elderly human woman by the throat with a jagged knife. “Give it to me, or I wrap her insides around your outside!”

“Please – that was everything we have,” her husband cried. “We just want to leave. We’re not worth the trouble.”

Garrus’ fist clenched as he marched forward. The vorcha pushed the elderly woman forward to her husband who held her tight and protectively. The thief pointed his blade at them with an impish grin.

“This is not trouble – this is going to be a pleasure!”

“You have no idea,” Garrus hissed, towering over the vorcha from behind.

Just as he spun around, its head snapped back after Garrus struck him with a nasty uppercut to the chin. Garrus snatched up the wallet that laid in the vorcha’s limp hand.

“Ma’am,” Garrus said as he handed the couple back their credits.

“Thank you!” the woman bawled, shaken after almost losing her life. “Thank you so much, we came here to find our son. We – he…” Garrus nodded his response as she trailed off. He didn’t want her to say any more to thank him. “You’re an angel, sir. A real-life angel.”

As the couple walked away, Jane stepped to his side and mumbled to him, “Something like that.” Garrus’ head angled towards Jane, and for a second, she thought Garrus heard her. Though the thought went away when he trudged forward.

Garrus checked into a squalid motel, where the sheets are stained with sweat and other foreign material that neither Garrus or Jane wanted to think about. The room smelled offensive with hints of mold and cigarettes. He dropped his bag and left immediately after. She hoped that he’d take a breather in the room. Perhaps he’d second guess what his objective is here on Omega, but Garrus is hell-bent on whatever he’s doing here.

Afterlife. A strange yet understandable decision as a first stop. Jane figured maybe he needed a drink, but Garrus was actually looking for a place to start. A place where he can actually make a difference. He helped the elderly couple within the first minute of his arrival. Imagine what else he could find at Omega’s nightclub. Two of three people there were surely criminals of some sort.

Garrus sat at the bar, and Jane kept him company on the vacant stool beside him. Before the bartender could ask to take their order, clatter of a bar fight arose nearby.

“You want trouble? You just found it,” roared a voice followed by a crash. Both Jane’s and Garrus’ attention whipped over to a blue-gray turian that’d been thrown to the floor. The local patrons gave it attention for a second before returning back to whatever they were doing. A fuming krogan wearing red armor with a white skull on his shoulder stood over him. A group of similarly dressed thugs stood behind the krogran - humans, salarians, and more krogans. “I’m going to drink out of your stupid turian skull!” the krogan threatened, raising a fist in the air, ready to crash down onto the avian creature’s head.

The following moments happened so quick, it was a blur. Garrus rushed to the fellow turian’s side and caught the krogan by the forearm. A low growl emerged from the krogan’s chest. From the corner of his eye, Garrus noticed the krogan’s free hand twitch to initiate another strike, but an inexplicable force – not Garrus’ own – flipped the krogan onto his back and then threw him into the club crowd. Garrus turned to his side and saw her.

“Jane?” Garrus huffed.

“You can see me?” she asked him wide-eyed.

Before the conversation could continue, the red-armored posse lunged towards Garrus and the turian who now stood up to fight. Two against one each, both turians incapacitated their opponents in a few blows. When all the enemy bodies hit the floor, Garrus ran after Jane. She briskly escaped the scene shortly after it began. Garrus caught a flash of her cardinal hair flowing behind her out to the empty terrace on the top floor.

“Shepard!” Garrus called out, running outside. “Jane?!”

His icy blue eyes scanned for Jane in every dark corner of the balcony. He didn’t hallucinate. Jane’s here. He _felt_ it. He felt _her_. She’s the one who flipped the krogan over.

“Hey!” an echoing voice shouted. It wasn’t Jane’s, so Garrus paid no mind. “I wanted to thank you back there. For your help. Couldn’t have handled that by myself…”

The turian from the fight ran up to Garrus with a grateful expression. When Garrus didn’t respond, it melted off his face. He scratched the back of his head in the awkward moment.

“Um,” the turian grumbled, “My name’s Sidonis. You are…?”

Failing to find any trace of Jane, Garrus grumbled profanity under his breath and turned to face the steel blue turian, Sidonis.

“Garrus.”

Sidnois’ face brightened at the acknowledgment. He walked over to the edge of the balcony and rested his hands on the railing.

“Look at this place,” Sidonis started to speak in revulsion, “Filled with criminals nobody can touch. Doing whatever the hell they want.”

A spark manifested when Garrus heard the familiar sentiment. Garrus joined Sidonis at the balcony, gazing out at the crime-infested space station.

“We _can_ do something about that, Sidonis. Make those bastards think twice before murdering someone in the streets,” he spat.

“I’m all for cracking skulls, but Omega’s problems are bigger than the two of us. Small-timers we can handle. We go at the gangs head on, we’ll find our own heads on a stick.”

Garrus let out a boastful sound before saying, “That’s why it won’t be just the two of us. That’s why we’ll put together a team.” Sidonis’ posture straightened, intrigued. “We start hitting the gangs where it hurts. Prove that we can get things done, and people – good people – will start lining up to join us.”

A pleased chuckled came from Sidonis. “You _really_ want to put the fear in them, your squad’s gonna need a good name.”

“Oh, I’ve thought of that,” Garrus smirked. “Archangel.”

“I like it. When do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more chapters to go before we wrap this story along. Hope you've been enjoying so far :)


	23. The Turian Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane proves to be a big help with Archangel's operations on Omega. Garrus and Jane's friendship progresses into something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning: there will be a fair amount of jumping forward in the timeline to not make this chapter so excruciating long.

 

Garrus waited late into the night for Jane in his room. Would she reappear? Could she?

He laid his head on the foul-smelling pillow, deep sleep weighing his body down into the lumpy mattress. He told himself he’d close his eyes for just a few minutes. 

* * *

Garrus typed away on the console, trying to calibrate the Mako after the last mission. Jane always had a way of substantially messing up the vehicle every time she took it out for a mission. His hands stopped suddenly and fell to his side. Garrus realized he couldn’t be on the Normandy. The Normandy’s gone and the Mako along with it.

“What’s going on...?” Garrus asked himself.

“Sorry.”

Garrus spun around to find Jane sitting on top of the crate she used to occupy when they’d have their chats. She smiled apologetically.

“It’s the first and familiar place I could think of.”

Garrus was dreaming and Jane entered his head space to speak to him. She recreated the cargo bay from the Normandy. It seemed odd to talk in a black, empty space. She’d grown tired of the dark after traveling through the abyss of the galaxy. 

“Where’d you go? Why’d you run?”

Jane sighed. “I don’t know. I panicked. I didn’t think you – anyone could see me.”

“Panic? From the great Commander Shepard?” Garrus replied with a small hint of humor.

“They say your personality is supposed to follow you to your grave. But ‘they’ have never been dead.” Jane folded her arms in front of her chest, cringing. Garrus being the first person she’s communicated with, she hadn’t talked out loud about her death. She just  _knew_.

“Dead…” Garrus repeated weakly. Reluctant to accept the truth he already knew. “But why are you here?”

Jane jumped off the crate and took zig-zagged steps in no particular direction. Her head hung with her hands stuffed in her pockets. Garrus watched the unsettled soul pace. He didn’t expect for her to look or feel so real. She isn’t just a transparent phantom he imagined spirits would be. She looks well and alive. Jane lifted her head back up to speak.

“You drew me here,” she answered plainly.

“Me?” he responded, brow plates raised.

Jane recounted the moments of her death. The departure of her spiritual body from her physical; trekking around the snow-covered planet only to feel utterly alone; the several weeks of galactic travels tracking down her friends and comrades to make sure they were okay; and her disrupted trip back to her body when an obscure aura called for her attention. 

“I thought I heard your voice back then. Nice work with the krogan by the way. Though I didn’t need your help,” Garrus said with a cocky confidence.

“I’m protective,” she shrugged. “I didn’t think you could hear me, much less see me…or that I’d be able to flip a krogan.”

“I see. Well…you’re here. Now what?” Garrus questioned her.

“I should be asking you that. What are doing here in this shithole, Garrus? What happened to working at C-Sec and Spectre training?”

Garrus turned away from her. He couldn’t bear the disappointment that coated her voice.

A warm hand latched onto Garrus’ elbow. He looked down at Jane’s compassionate face, her green eyes glistening with remorse. The overwhelming worry came off as anger. She didn’t mean to scold him. 

“Let me guess. You got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap and decided to do something about it on your own without all the red tape to get in your way.”

Garrus let out a defeated groan. Of course, she figured it out. They were best friends after all. He leaned back against the Mako.

“At the time, it was hard to see a way forward. I thought the Citadel would be rebuilt, but how could life ever go back to what it was before?” Jane listened, hip cocked, and arms crossed. “Very easily apparently. It turns out its easier to pretend a tragedy never happened – that a problem never existed – than to deal with it directly. My frustration showed, and I started butting heads with higher officials – enough to where they wanted to fire me, but there was so much loss of manpower after the attack on the Citadel, they couldn’t afford to.”

Garrus observed Jane carefully for a reaction, but she stayed a mannequin - posed squarely in front of him. 

“I get it,” she finally replied, relaxing her posture.

“You do?” Garrus inquired skeptically. “No lecture on being patient or doing the ‘right’ thing no matter how long it takes?”

Jane shook her head. “Who am I to lecture you now? You’ve come so far on your own – as bitter and pissed off you may be. But you’re alive and trying to make this place a safer place to live in. That’s a hell of a lot more than most can say. I respect that.”

Garrus’ heart warmed, and his doubts dissipated at the reassuring words. To have Jane’s support meant something grand to him.

“What about you then? What are you going to do?”

Jane rested her body up against the Mako next to Garrus.

“I don’t know. I haven’t planned that far out.”

“Are sure you’re Commander Shepard?” he laughed softly. 

“Hm?” she hummed.

“‘No lecture. No plan. No ripping off the krogan’s fourth testicle. The Commander Shepard I knew would’ve taken that opportunity up in a heartbeat.”

The cargo bay was filled with Jane’s laughter. Garrus’ glad he could make her laugh. She’d been solemn the entire time. But the dark cloud over her head didn’t stay away for long.

“I never feared death. I always knew it was coming – just wasn’t prepared for it to be so soon…" It’s Garrus’ turn to stand there and listen. "And then I wake up in the afterlife to a cold reality that nothing’s changed. My work and warnings ignored and gone to waste. I'm not sure what to do now."

“Jane…” he breathed grabbing Jane’s wrist, careful not to let his hand fall down further and intertwine with her fingers like he wanted to. “You're more than welcome to stick around until you figure it out."

For the first time, Jane felt an emotion other than misery and hollowness. Her stomach fluttered, and her face felt hot. Garrus watched the color appear on her face. 

“If you don’t mind then...yeah, I will. Thanks. And I promise the next time a krogan charges at you, I won’t interfere,” she grinned playfully.

"Now, hold on. I think I could get used to a ghost bodyguard to protect me."

Jane laughed again. He missed hearing it. It's been months since he last heard the lovely sound. Jane's hand crawled up to Garrus' and weaved her fingers between his talons. His grip tightened around her hand, never wanting to let go.

“So, you're gathering a team, huh? A good squad’s going need a good base.”

* * *

"Why Chora's Den?" Garrus asked with detestation as he followed Jane through the crowd to a reach a table in the back.

"It was too quiet the last time we had a one-on-one."

"One-on-one's are  _supposed_  to be quiet."

"But we can get free drinks here."

"It's a dream. We could get free drinks on Ilos with Sovereign if we wanted to." A waitress placed down two amethyst colored drinks at their table. "Can you even get drunk as a spirit?" Garrus queried. 

Jane dismissed the question and took a sip. "We cleaned up the abandoned building pretty nicely. It's actually inhabitable now," Jane commented. 

"That bridge will come in handy, too. Only one way in or out. Anyone tries crossing the bridge, we take them out easily. And the location will be beneficial. The Kima District’s surrounded by residential areas, gangs won't look there for a base of operations for vigilantes.”

“Speaking of vigilantes… Archangel?” she asked with a sprightly raised eyebrow.

Garrus chuckled timidly, “I have an identity to protect.”

“Uh-huh,” she smirked. “How’s intel coming along?”

“Sidonis and I have been scouting the districts. There are three prominent mercenary factions on Omega: Blood Pack, Blue Suns, and the Eclipse. They run a major hub of narcotics, weapons, and eezo trafficking. There’s no central government, but even they have limited power. They fall under Omega’s de facto leader, an asari named Aria T’Loak.”

“I’ve been following her. Watching her. She’s ruthless.”

“So, we take her out,” Garrus concluded.

“No,” Jane replied firmly. Garrus gave her a puzzled look. “Aria’s  _fiercely_  possessive of this space station. She’ll do anything to protect it and keep her dominance over it. And she keeps the merc groups in line. They would never risk getting too out of control as long as she’s around. It’s best to her leave her out of this. As long as we don’t cross her, she’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Good point. Just the merc groups then.”

"We'll have to start small. Disrupt a few of their jobs here and there. Prove that we're making an impact and see who wants to join in. We can't be the only decent people on Omega."

"If there is, there's not many. But that'll change soon enough."

* * *

“That was a close one! We almost got cornered,” Sidonis remarked as they returned from their bust against the mercs.

“A little closer than I would’ve liked,” Garrus replied sourly. He refused to add any more failures to a rapidly accumulating list. The only reason they managed to get away was because Jane had mapped out secret underground tunnels for escape – a task she took upon with her copious amount of free time. Sidonis retired to his quarters on the opposite side of the second floor – down a long stretch of passage across from Garrus’ private quarters. Jane appeared and sat on the edge of Garrus’ bed after he closed the door.

“What went wrong?” Jane frowned.

“We underestimated the amount of back-up they had waiting for us,” Garrus groaned as he racked up his weapons. “The mercs beefed up security since we started targeting them. I should’ve known…”

Garrus’ body felt tense and heavy, even after removing his armor. His operations as Archangel had been going smoothly until this job. He was obviously disgruntled with the outcome. A small human hand slithered into Garrus’. 

“You can’t carry your mistakes around with you, Garrus.” Garrus closed his hand over hers. 

“But it was a mistake that almost cost us our lives. I was wrong…again,” he replied sullenly.

“It’s not a bad thing to be wrong. Being wrong means you can start asking the right questions. To make better decisions. We’re lost trying to sort this all out now but if we can at least if we start moving again…we can find the direction and can figure it out the rest along the way.”

He didn’t know what precisely came over him, but Garrus spun Jane around to face him and firmly wrapped his arms around her. His chin rested on the top of her head as she settled into the nook of his neck and returned his embrace. After several moments of simply holding each other, Garrus finally spoke.

“The days were cold living without you, Jane,” he confessed silently.

Jane’s heart jerked inside her chest. She raised her head to meet Garrus’ eyes. His brilliant diamonds read of a crushed spirit. Jane wanted to do everything in her power to repair that. Sincerity sparked in her eyes and moved Garrus to press his forehead to hers – a turian custom to show affection towards another, usually reserved for a mate.

* * *

Erash. Monteague. Mierin. Grundan Krul. Melanis. Ripper. Sensat. Vortash. Butler. Weaver. Sidonis. Garrus.

Before long, they all made up Archangel’s twelve-man squad. Once Garrus started finessing his operations and showcasing great success against the mercs, interest grew in wanting to join the vigilante known as Archangel in the goal to purge Omega. With the help of Jane, Garrus was able to recruit honest and talented men. She scoped out every corner of Omega. Gone for days at a time, she trailed prospective candidates and if they proved worthy, she tactfully led them Archangel. 

A salarian explosives expert who’d spent time with salarian STG. An unfriendly batarian tech expert that could hack any system ever built. Mercs who wanted to atone. Security consultants tired of playing by the rules. Ex-military agents. Former C-Sec officers. Jane built Garrus his dream team. Each of them had lost something to Omega. Garrus gave them hope.

With a proper squad, they could now hit their bigger shipments. The bigger the shipment, the bigger the reward. The credits came rolling in, and more credits meant more resources. More resources meant they could start targeting places previously out of reach. Jane’s behind the scenes work with the escape tunnels played an immense part in their success rates. They’d go in and out easily. She even found ways to connect them to the lower levels of the base. His squad wondered amongst themselves where he had the time to do such thorough research. He rarely left his room.

* * *

Another successful job wrapped up. Garrus reluctantly relieved his team for the night. Jane thought they deserved some time off to relax. They shouldn’t be worked too hard. She convinced Garrus to let them cut loose for a night or two. Besides, she knew Garrus needed this too.

“So, what now?” he asked her.

Without a word or hesitation, Jane pulled out from the nightstand two glasses and a bottle of wine.

“We relax,” she stated happily. “I can’t get drunk, but I’d be my pleasure to help you get there.”

Several glasses later, Jane and Garrus engaged in a banter of nonsense – exchanging questions of no particular topic – lying in bed next to each other staring at the ceiling. Garrus removed everything but his pants. Jane changed into a tank top with shorts. Not that her clothes could get dirty or anything, but she wanted to play along. To be normal.

“No. The batarian are hundreds times uglier than vorcha!” Garrus shouted in his unwound state.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jane argued back in shock. “At least the batarians have proper speech. The vorcha just hiss and scream, ‘ahhh, human!’”

“That doesn’t count. Speech doesn’t affect their appearance.”

“If they knew how to speak, then they wouldn’t be drooling at the sides of their mouths from just breathing,” she huffed. “So to answer your question, I’d rather kiss a batarian than a vorcha.”

“Fine, fine. You win that one.”

“Alright, my turn. Would you rather sleep with a quarian or an asari?”

“In other words, would I rather sleep with Tali or Liara?”

“For a drunk, you’re pretty astute,” Jane commented with a mischievous grin.

“Women don’t like me for just my body, Jane,” he quipped. A lively laugh escaped her lips.

“Come on. Answer the question.”

Jane felt Garrus’ weight shift on the bed. She turned her head to find him gazing at her with intensity. 

“Human,” he answered ardently. Jane blushed madly and whipped her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“So, you were attracted to Ashley,” she said, her voice shaky. “She was a beautiful woman.”

“No,” he replied hastily, pulling Jane in by the waist and keeping his hand on her hip. Their lustful eyes locked. “You. Just you.”

Startled and in disbelief, Jane remained tight-lipped. Her heart races at a furious speed.

“I’ve always felt…some sort of way for you, Jane.”

“How come you never said anything before?”

“Hmmm… Between Alenko and T’Soni vying for your love, it didn’t seem appropriate… Uh, I didn’t want to… Things were already so hard for you and we were so close… I…”

Garrus was obviously flustered. He couldn’t find the right words to explain how he felt. But he didn’t have to finish the sentence. Turians don’t have lips, so when Jane pressed hers against his mouth, he froze. The heat of her lips thawed him out, and he let himself submit into the moment. Jane in his arms, on his bed, and his mouth on her plushy plump lips – what humans referred to as a kiss. 

When she finally broke the mouth-to-mouth contact, she cast him a bashful look. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, nuzzling his forehead on hers. She sighed.

“Why couldn’t have I still been alive for this?” she spoke regretfully. “You can’t have any kind of future with me…”

“I wouldn’t dwell on that notion for long. My line of work doesn’t have high life expectancy rates. I’ll be with you soon enough.

“Even so, I want you to beat those odds and live a full life, Garrus, so don’t be hasty.”

Garrus isn’t one for optimism, but as his eyes fluttered attempting to fight off sleep and linger in this moment longer, Garrus hoped Jane would still be there in the morning when he woke up. He knows that one day she’ll have to leave – to venture to the other side. He’s always had a tight grip on reality – a pessimistic one – but he can’t let go of what’s in front of him here. He pleaded to the Spirits to please let there be some kind of proof that this isn’t wouldn’t become just a dream one day. That she’s really been here and would still be here until he could join her.

And if nothing else, he would settle for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to wrap this story up! It'll be another relatively long one :)


	24. Come Back to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy emotions overcome Jane as she finishes recollecting her memories.

_I'm sorry, but I have to go. This doesn't feel right._

Jane’s last words haunted Garrus. Not only for its cryptic tone, but also because he never knew if he’d ever hear her voice again. 

Before she left, Garrus had been hearing talk of his squad wanting to disband. With the wealth they're finally able to gain, it's now possible to see a future of settling down and living well.

But Garrus wanted none of that. It isn't enough to just make Omega better. He wished to absolve it. Jane implored him to listen and try to understand his team, because the harder he’d pushed them to their limits, they more they’d want to get away. She advised that if they want to leave, then let them.

In addition to the loyalty status of his team, Garrus brooded over Jane’s absence. The entire team felt the tension arise a few days ago - when unbeknownst to them, Jane left. They’d ask what bothered him but would receive an irked response to mind their own business and focus on their next mission. No one asked twice.

Garrus laid stomach down on his bed after a seemingly endless day. His body’s sinking into the bed, moored with anguish.

“Where are you Jane…?” he muffled into the nook of his elbow, head buried into the pillow. “It’s been days now...”

“Trust me, I didn’t want to be away this long.”

Garrus sprang up and saw Jane leaned back against his desk, hidden in the shadows with only the moonlight to illuminate her face. She seemed conscience-stricken for leaving him alone. Well, not alone. There are eleven others in this building, but Garrus’ relationship with Jane is incomparable to anyone else’s.

“Did I scare you?” she asked, a conflicted smirk tugging at her lips.

“More like surprised,” he said unamused, throwing off the covers and standing to meet her.

“I live to make surprises. Er, so to speak.”

“What happened?” he interrogated. Similar to what Jane sounded like in their first encounter after her death, Garrus’ inordinate worry that burrowed into his soul projected as rage.

“I told you,” she groaned, “I went to Alchera to check on the crash site. I sensed an interference.”

“And?”

“And…” Jane's head fell, red hair falling over her face. Garrus cupped her chin and raised it so he could see the beautiful face he’d been longing to see for days. Her eyes trembled. His hands slid down to her hips in a comforting grip.

“Tell me,” he whispered.

“My body’s gone, Garrus,” she replied, voice cracking.

“Gone?! How?” he exclaimed in a hushed volume, his grasp on her hips tightening.

“I went to the crash site and everything was exactly the same as when I left, but…my body wasn’t there anymore. _I_ was nowhere to be found.”

“Maybe the Alliance finally came back for you, Jane.”

“I hoped for that conclusion, but it can’t be. They wouldn’t send a ship _just_ to retrieve _me_. They would’ve picked up my crew, too. The Normandy.”

“Can’t you trace your body?” he questioned, unusually optimistic. But he’d do anything to put her mind at ease. Even go against his natural instinct to be a brutal realist.

Jane shook her head. “My abilities can only trace other spiritual energy. I can’t track an empty vessel. I had only put feelers around my body on Alchera for good measure. Now that’s someone’s moved it, I have no way of tracking it.”

“So if something happens to your body-”

“I can’t tell you what would happen, Garrus,” Jane interrupted before he could ask. She knows where he was going with it. She strained to say the next sentence. “But I can tell you that…I won’t be around much longer.”

Both their hearts sank when she said the cheerless words. As a passed-on spirit, Jane never imagined she’d feel such an irremediable despair. The after-life is supposed to be clear and tie all loose ends. All Jane feels like is a lost soul in a time of need. Steeping in the harsh reality to come, they caressed each other with a fervent affection.

“Promise me, Garrus…” she started, head resting against his carapace chest, “Promise me, after I’m gone, you’ll take care of yourself.”

“Jane…”

“Please.”

“Okay,” he responded softly.

“Okay.”

* * *

As the days went by, Jane came around less and less. Not by choice. She had no control over this anymore. She just disappeared anywhere from hours at a time to days at a time. Garrus dreaded the day she’d never return. With each visit, Jane seemed less like herself. The color in her face faded; her touch became colder; and her personality turned plainer. Whatever was going on in the physical realm vastly affected her in the spiritual.

Garrus hunched over his desk with his forehead cradled in his palms.

“Having a bad day?”

He didn’t move. Jane’s abrupt presence stopped having a startling effect, now replaced by relief. She placed a chilly hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Turians hate the cold. Garrus shivered and Jane swiftly withdrew her hand. He leaned back in his chair as Jane moved to push herself up to sit on top of his desk. Despite the inherent reflex to retract and writhe against Jane’s frosty body, Garrus rested his head in her lap. She ran her hand along the side of his head to the end his fringe.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

His response was a despondent purr.

“I won’t tell,” she teased, struggling to hold onto her sense of humor. “Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.”

“How morbid,” he muttered.

“It’s sort of a requirement in my state,” she said, continuing to stroke his head lovingly.

“I’m struggling to let my team go. Butler…he has a wife. They bought their tickets to get off Omega. Move somewhere they can start a family without having to worry about someone breaking into their home for pocket change. Or smell the putrid blood that stains the streets.”

"I don’t blame them. No such thing as clean on Omega,” she grumbled.

“With all the movement the three mercs gangs have made, I get the feeling they’re working on something big. Probably a plan to bring down their common enemy - Archangel. I need everyone here.” He repositioned his head so could catch her gaze. “I need _you_ here.”

The impact of his fierce eyes made Jane draw in a shallow gulp of air. Her next breath came out rough, and Garrus heard the heart-rending suspiration.

“Sorry, Garrus. My time is up. For good this time.”

Garrus rose suddenly sending the chair flying back. He inserted himself between her legs, held her face with both hands, and pressed his forehead to hers. She felt less real.

With the remnants of her fleeting spirit, Jane felt Garrus’ heart break as she let go. She echoed out a promise that he’d never be alone; that when he felt like no one else could save him, she’d be there; and that her love would never leave.

Though, Garrus found the promise hard to believe when he was standing in a dark room alone with empty hands.

* * *

Undecipherable conversation surrounded Jane. Steady beeps echoed in the air. Jane is waking up groggy. She’s staring up at a bare white ceiling. Something deep down instructed her body to move but it wouldn’t comply.  Her body’s still.

Unaware of what’s going on and anxious, Jane’s breaths become heavy and desperate. The beeps quickened. Pounding stomps came closer.

“My god, Miranda,” a shocked male voice said. “I think she’s waking up.”

A dark-haired woman with skin just as pale as Jane’s, and a black and white uniform came into view. A bald-headed man in a similarly colored outfit followed closely behind. He positioned himself on the other side of Jane across from Miranda. The woman’s perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed at him.

“Damn it, Wilson. She’s not ready yet. Give her the sedative,” she barked and then looked down at Jane. Panic gradually ascending causing the insistent beeping to accelerate at a speedier pace. The woman’s face softened. “Shepard.”

_Who is she? How does she know my name?_

The signals from her brain broke through to her body and Jane reached a hand up in. With almost no effort, Miranda pushed her hand back down.

“Don’t try to move. Just lie still and try to stay calm,” Miranda told her tenderly.

“Heart rate’s still climbing. Brain activity is off the charts. Stats pushing into the red zone. It’s not working!” Wilson announced, typing furiously nearby. Jane’s eyes followed Miranda as she circled around towards wherever Wilson went.

_If I can move my hand, maybe I can move my head._

Jane managed to inch her head to the side to watch the two strangers. Miranda rushed to Wilson, looking over his shoulder at a screen.

“Another dose. Now!” Miranda demanded with urgency. A machine nearby whirred and tranquility surged through her body. Jane lost all control of her body as it became heavy and sunk further into the bed.

 “Heart rate dropping. Stats falling back into normal range.” Wilson chuckled nervously. “That was too close. We almost lost her.”

“I told you your estimates were off! Run the numbers again,” she snapped.

The edges of her vision became hazy and dark. Miranda came back and gazed down at Jane with solace, thankful that her project and hard work was not lost.

Jane plunged back into a sea of unconsciousness, unaware of when she’d be granted her next breath again.

* * *

Like waking up from a night terror, Jane shifted back to real life on Alchera hyperventilating and crying, overwhelmed by the surge of emotions coursing through every fiber of her being. Experiencing two years of sentiments and events in a matter of minutes would crush even the toughest of krogan. Jane, frozen in her memories and no strength in her body, fell to her hands and knees sinking into the snow. She had to relive the pain of death again; the disorientation after dying; forlorn when realizing no one needed her around, but tranquil seeing her comrade’s doing well; despair and heart wrench watching Garrus lose himself; joy and love at his side for several months; guilt for unwillingly leaving Garrus in a time of need; and finally, panic waking up during her reconstruction in – at the time unknown – a Cerberus lab.

“Commander!” a distant voice yelled.

Jane could barely hear it over her laboring gasps inside her helmet. Garrus, in a hurried run, slid into the snow to help Jane up from the ground. Another pair of hands – human – grasped Jane’s arm.

“Shepard, can you hear me?” Dr. Chakwas asked Jane. “EDI sent us an urgent message that your vitals were abnormal.”

She couldn’t quite catch her breath between each heavy sob.

“Garrus, she’s in shock. I want her in my med bay immediately. Would you?”

Two familiar arms wrapped around Jane. Garrus slid one arm under her knees and other around her back to carry her to the shuttle.

“What’s happening to her?” Garrus asked evidently worried.

“I’m not sure. EDI monitored her in the suit from the ship in case anything happened. Next thing I now, she’s reporting that Shepard’s brain activity and vitals dropped to a dormant state and, all of the sudden, went sky high!”

Finding instantaneous comfort in Garrus’ arms, Jane gradually controlled her breathing and could relax her body. She laid her head against Garrus’ armored chest and stared up at him through her helmet. Garrus looked straight ahead, determined to return her to the Normandy.

“Garrus,” she called weakly out through residual tears.

Continuing his march forward through the snow, Garrus glanced down at her. He can’t make out her face through the heavily tinted shield of her helmet yet knows how much agony she’s in. Garrus kept Jane in his arms aboard the shuttle. He removed both their helmets, Jane’s bloodshot eyes and flushed complexion now visible to him. He hated seeing the result of her enduring such pain.

“Always falls on me to save your ass, huh, Commander?” he commented in jest, attempting to be the comic relief in the situation. Jane let the joke roll off.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m kidding, Jane. Since when can’t you take-”

“No,” she cut him off. “I’m sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most. For not remembering.”

Garrus’ shifted under Jane.

“You remember what exactly?”

“Omega,” she answered simply. “Now that I remember, you can’t take credit for flipping that krogan onto its back anymore.”

 His mandibles flared into a grin. “So, you’ve finally come back to me.”

“I have.” She reached to touch the bandaged side of his face adoringly.

Dr. Chakwas sat across in the shuttle and watched as the turian officer held the Commander in his arms with intimacy as he pressed his head against her’s. Where some may have felt awkward to be audience of the interaction, the doctor was elated to be in the presence of such fullness of joy and love – especially when in this day and age, they’re hard to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! So happy that I was able to finally write and finish this. Thank you for everyone who's read, commented, and left a kudos ont his fic! It means a lot <3.


End file.
